Young engagement...?

Question

I am 21 years old. I have been dating my boyfriend Jaques, who is 23, for 4 1/2 years and we've been together through a very long-distance relationship. I live in the States, and he's been back and forth from the US to England because of school. Despite having had to do the long-distance thing, we are completely in love. It's the kind of love that you see in movies that you wonder if it's really possible ...and we've been like this for the last 4 years. So in that department, all is well.

Here's the issue: I know my boyfriend really well and I'm getting a gut feeling that he is going to propose. I would absolutely LOVE to marry him, but I am afraid that because I am only 21, I may be too young. I know that he's the one, but I'm afraid that there might be consequences of a young marriage. I am a logical person, and I just like to consider EVERYTHING before I can do anything fully.

Does anyone have any similar stories or advice for me? I'm so anxious!! :)

Thank you!
Olivie

Answer 1

I am the same age as you and my fiancee is turning 24 tomorrow. He proposed on Christmas Eve after being together for 4 years. I knew the proposal was coming because he just graduated college and always told me he had to graduate first before we could be engaged because his parents would have had a heart attack if it was any sooner. So about three months prior I thought about it...hard. Asked myself the same questions you are because I didn't want to accept his proposal without knowing for sure. I thought about how our relationship had been, we had broken up a couple of times and dated other people but came back to each other. I thought about everything we had been through together, no money etc. I also thought about him being the father of my children some day and all the answers pointed to him. I realized that even though it is a scary step and that it was unknown about our future, I knew that I would want to go through with it only with him. Didn't matter if I was 21 or 31 it would still care for him the same way I do now. Don't think about age, you are a grown woman and you are old enough to logically think about it. Does he feel like the one? If so, then go ahead. Your age will not determine the fate of your relationship, it never does. Just feel lucky you have something that some people never find. Good luck!

Answer 2

Sometimes getting married doesn't mean you have to slow down or "settle down", yes you will have a husband/wife but that cannot stop you from still being you. It sounds like your relationship has been through lots with you guys doing the whole long distance relationship thing.

If he does propose, tell him what you feel. When I got engaged last August, I told my boyfriend of 6 years YES! but that I felt the time he wanted to get married was too early for me (I am 24 by the way) and he totally understood. If he loves you, he will also understand that you might not want to yet or is not ready for marriage yet.

If you do choose to get married earlier than other people; it should be that you feel ready and that you are confident in the decision you are making. You sound like a mature 21 year old so just figure out what your future goals will be and if a marriage will stop you from reaching your goals.
Otherwise, good luck and like others say.......maybe he is just giving you a hint but not actually proposing to you ....yet! boys can be tricky...=)

Answer 3

I got married at 22, my husband was also 22. We did the long distance thing for one year, he lived in Florida, me in Washington. I knew he was the one from the first time we spoke, but it took about 2 years before he proposed and six months later we were married and we will be married 3 years in June.

Marriage is the best decision I have made in my life. He is my best friend, soul mate if you will, and I love him more than anything in the world. There are always problems, and fighting...thats normal. No relationship is perfect.

If you haven't lived together yet, I would suggest you move in with each other first before you get married, just because you see who the person really is once you move in together. I would say...if your heart and gut says to get married, then do it. Whats the worst that can happen? Divorce? Well, a lot of people get divorces and it isn't the end of the world. Also, who knows what could happen tomorrow, next week, or next year. Good luck, and don't worry about what other people think of your relationship, its your life, not theirs!

Answer 4

I honestly do not think 21 is to young. When I clicked on this post I was expecting it be from a 16 year old or something. Just because he proposes doesnt mean you have to get married next week. Take some time to plan your wedding and such. I got married at 22 and I thought it was perfect. Sounds like you both have an awesome relationship and are truely in love.

Answer 5

Well, if you know you want to spend the rest of your lives together and you know you have no interest in being with anyone else, why not get engaged? You don't have to marry him right away. Have a two year engagement or more. Mine is going to end up being almost 2 and a half years long, simply because we're too busy to bother. Just relax, you said you know he's the one, so go for it. Besides, 21 isn't that young.

Answer 6

have a sorta long engagement, pick the date for like... in the fall... of NEXT year. that gives you another year and a half to grow, to get used to the idea of marriage, and to see if u feel any better or if u think it's gonna work. i dont think the age thing is such an issue, but u say it's been mostly long-distance, i'd say at least wait until you spend a lot of time togehter on a regular basis, it's a huge difference, and u need to know that you can stand each other ALL the time.

Answer 7

I would opt for a long engagement. Since you both have gone through the long distance issue I would recommend living together for a bit to try that water out. take your time no one has to rush the wedding. It up to the both of you.I was there at 19 to and married at 21 but it on;y last 4 years. now I look back and it was just to soon live life to the fullest do the thing you want to and live to the fullest you have the rest of your life to settle down.

Answer 8

I think because you are questioning it you should wait. Honestly, I think you should date other people. All, not a few, but all of my friends that married under 25 felt like they didn't live their young life to the fullest and ended up divorcing.
Long distance relationships don't allow you to full be in a relationship with someone. If you really want to marry then you should at least live together for a while.
I promise I'm not trying to be condescending but you are still a baby and I would hate for you to change how you feel and have a failed marriage under your belt before you turn 30. You have so many hats to wear before you become a wife.

Answer 9

I'm 21 I have been engaged before when I was 17. The engagment I had when I was 17 didn't work out. But know I'm engaged and getting in April to a man that I love with all my heart and I know he's the one.

If you love him, you'll marry him, it will all work out. Don't work yourself up about it. Just try to think of how happy you two will be in a couple years.

Answer 10

Hey Olivie. Just to let you know, God brought me to my fiance about four years ago (just like you), and I'm getting officially married this year in the summer! I am 21 years old, and my fiance/husband is going to be 23 soon.

The age doesn't matter because spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical maturity develops in each person at a time unique for each person. I know a distant cousin who is in his early 50's and was separated from his old sweetheart. They miraculously reunited, and a few months later, got married. Now they just had their first child. I know another couple who got married when they were only 18. Now, they are getting ready for their first baby!