I have a problem with a friend of mine i would like some advice.?

Question

My good friend (who I've known for 13 yrs),is in a wierd stage of life, she has been a "good girl" her whole life,she came to me a while back and said she wants to be a rebel which I supported and told her she needs to break loose some, it would do her good and probably would be a good growing expierence for her. However since then she has been dating a guy that has changed her so much it almost seems like she may never come back from it. I as a friend have talked to her about these feelings and she agrees with me but then the following week it happens all over again. Something has got to change or she might burn bridges with the people she loves and I am not sure I can hang on much more and if things end with this guy she is going to be very depressed and alone.
p.s. it is not drug related.

Answer 1

One day we wake up and look at our lives and some of us realize that we were not living the life we expected to live up to that point. We take stock in our future and venture out in pursuit of what we feel is missing. Often times this leads us far off in another direction.

It then takes time for us to find a balance between what we were and what we have explored, to what we then feel is the best path for our future.

As long as she is being safe, no drugs, no excessive alcohol, etc. and as long as it does not go against your morals or ethics. Try to be there for her.

Once she has explored the new path she is on long enough, then she will need someone who cares about her, to listen to her as she finds that balance between the two.

If you can't accept the changes, then it may be for the best that she find a balance on her own. It's better to travel a path alone, then to travel it with someone who is not supportive.

Answer 2

I can tell you from my own experience. Shortly after my best friend's, of 15 yrs, husband killed himself she suffured great depression and started punishing herself for the way she had treated him by sleeping w/ everyone. I tried to stand by her all that I could but eventually she began using drugs and I felt that being w/ her jeapardized my sobriety (I had been 10 yrs sober @ the time) Even w/ out the involvment of drugs she was bringing me down emotionally. I got to the point I had to let her go. Unfortunatly 5 yrs after she got her life together it was too late to salvage the friendship. She had crossed and burned different bridges. Niether one of us were the same people any more. We were strangers and totally incompatable. What I learned from this is that people can go in different directions and change. You can not change in ways you are not meant to and neither can they. I am lucky to have had a friendship that was so wonderful and lasted so long. There are no hard feelings, it is what it is. I also realize that friendships that last as long as yours and mine are very rare. You know how lucky you are I am sure of it. But a time may come when you have to make a choice. Or she may make the choice for you. Call her and tell her you wanna have a good ol time slumber party just you and her after a nice dinner somewhere. Get out the blender make some margeritas get good and juiced.....play some board games. Then after you had some real good quality time tell her how you feel. Good luck hun.

Answer 3

Some people learn early and some are late bloomers. Some feel a need to mix things up in order to break out of boredom or depression funk they are in. If you really consider yourself a friend and her to you then you have to be there in good times and bad....c'mon you know this already that's what friends are for. I have a friend who went off the deep end on drugs and when he was high 95% of the time didn't know or recognize me, and that was something I didn't want to be around for. So I quit hanging out w/him, but I always watched out for him. I'd talk to his family about him, go around some of the people he was running with. Check up on him @ work,we worked in same factory but different part. Then one day I get a call from him saying he stopped doing drugs and wanted to hang out. And we talked for hours about what all he'd been into and up to. Point is just because you don't get it doesn't mean you give up on them. A friend cares and has the others back when they need backing up. Even if they don't realize that they need the help as heart-wrenching as it may be. All you can do is be there when they fall to catch them.

Answer 4

She has to live life her own way and so do you. No one can decide for us who to be with or what to do with our lives. If you dont like the things your friend is doing, is it because she could be hurting herself, or is it that your jealous? If shes having fun and not hurting anyone, then you should be a good supportive friend, even if you dont agree with her choices. If she is actually doing bad things, then talk to her. If she wont listen, then you still have to let her be. You cant stop her from making horrible mistakes with her life. And some people really need to feel the full impact of the consequences of their actions before they realize what they've done. So either way, just be there for her.

Answer 5

First off your a good friend +to want seek advice to help her. Try to talk to her some more be very honest about the raod she's headed on. Remember love can make a person blind so try to hang on a little longer because if it all blows up she's really going to need your support. She may not realize just how serious the situation is. Try to remain a good friend for as long as possible.

Answer 6

i dont know...this is tough...becuase she actually agrees with you that the guy is changing her but still she doesnt stop it. maybe her new boyfriend is a bit controlative. some guys are like that with their girlfriend and then soon the girl cant think for herself anymore. she would rely on the guy too much. so maybe your friend wants to break away but the guy just keeps pulling her in. talk to your friend and ask her why she isnt doing anything about her boyfriend changing her. offer her help too. and dont worry about if things end with the guy and she'll be lonely because she should be there for her and she wont be alone!

Answer 7

As long as she is in no danger from this guy, it's best for you to back off until she wakes up. Don't hang out with her in case she might get you into trouble. Let her know you don't like the way things are going, but let her know you will still be her friend when she decides she wants one again.

Answer 8

you have already talked to your friend and she seems to not give a damn about your feelings. all you can do is be there for her when she needs a friend. thats what friends are for. a true friend will stick by you through thick and thin, and be a rock when you need to lean. like a bf/gf, its a give and take relationship. besides, if she agrees with you, then she sees the same things that your seeing and SHE is the only one that can make the changes.

Answer 9

well since you cannot elaborate further, is it illegal ? if it is then better tell her parents or someone in authority, but if it's something personal, then i guess you cannot totally ask her to change, if she's old enough to know right from wrong, let her decide for herself, the best you can do is advice her as a friend on that matter and hope she knows the consequences.

Answer 10

dont blame her BF infront of her she will be defensive...try to be a friend for her BF too not only for her...support them and talk to them in a tender way. like u r ok with what is happening but u have other suggestions do understand me?
its important not to show that u r completely against them otherwise u will loose ur friend