We have been going out for a year. The problem is that he still loves his dead girlfriend. He blames himself for her death because she was with a tipsy driver, she told him that and he told her he would come pick her up, but she said no. She thought she would be ok. She ended up in a car crash. She was in a coma for a while before she died. They were engaged.
He still loves her and I'm so afraid to tell him that I love him. I know that was such a tramatic event for him and I don't want to push him in any way because he is just starting to open up to me about it.
He tells me he feels dead inside sometimes and I just want to cry for him. I love him and I don't want to see him hurting like this.
I'm afraid if I tell him I love him he may not feel the same way or not be ready to love again just yet. Someone please help me.
2007-03-11 17:49:02 · 8 answers · asked by Mandy J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Fact from fiction, truth from diction. You tell someone you love them when you know above anything else that you would be with them, and by them no matter what. the same as Dana Reeve was to Chris. Even if he was paralyzed and had as much life as a pile of fire wood, you would still be there.
If you know in your heart you are completely there with him, you tell him in a noncommittal way. You could use a card, and email, a poem. Best if you tell him direct. But qualify it by letting him know, you do not expect him to act on it one way or the other because of the grief he is still having but when and if he is ready, you are there waiting. That way he knows how you feel but also there is no pressure and if he was not able to return the feelings you are OK with it. Try that.
2007-03-18 20:47:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry your going through this...my advise...turn off the t.v.,radio, phones and sit him down on the couch.Start with how you really feel such as how sorry you are that hes going through this terrible tragedy and you plain on being there for him no matter what...Tell him that ,then tell him you're falling in love with him ,and if hes not ready you'll give him the time he needs..You said you guys have been together a year ? He has to have some feelings for you ..Give him time and let him know that you will.Best of luck
2007-03-19 12:01:53 · answer #2 · answered by That Girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not yet. you wouldn't really want to move in with him and his dead girlfriend . That would be awkward and it will drive you nuts. By holding on to his grief, he's trying to keep her alive and he's not open to sharing his life with someone else even if he relies on you for comfort.
You're pretty much his snot rag that he blows into when he cries at this point. Be supportive but let him know that you need someone who is completely available.
Don't berate him his grief. He just can't let go until he's ready. Nobody can do that for him. It's between him and that other girl. Whatever happened, he can't take it back unless he's god. She's in good hands and loves him forever no matter what. He can be glad to have known her but also make room for a living person who can love him back in the material world.
2007-03-19 14:13:08 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tuff question. Never having been through this or even having any friends that have been through this I will just give you my best thought on the situation.
IF you truly love him, tell him but dont just say "I Love you". He needs to know that you know he still loves her. When you talk to him about her (assuming you do) tell him that you will be there for him and that you love him and that you two as a couple can get through anything. Of course one year to you is alot but how long were they together. If they were together several years you might not want to tell him that and risk yourself getting hurt. Not fully knowing your situation it is truly up to you, ask some friends that really know you and that you truly trust.
2007-03-19 17:50:00 · answer #4 · answered by Chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A year is along time to be tip toeing around someone. I understand how precarious this situation seems to you, from the inside, but on the surface, it's not really that complicated. This wasn't his fault. Not at all. It was a horrible accident. And he needs to forgive himself for not being able to control what happened to her. If he isn't in therapy, he really needs to look into it. But you can't be expected to be his friend, his lover, his girlfriend, AND his therapist. It's just not fair or realistic.
As for you, you deserve to be with someone who is free in his heart to love you, and someone that you don't have to agonize over. If he isn't that guy, you need to be able to accept that. It may take years for him to heal. Or it may take hearing that you love him. We can never tell how long it will take someone to get over a loss like that.
You need to decide if you can continue to live in this kind of limbo. It's not turning your back on him to decide that the timing just isn't right, or that you need someone who can be there for you, too.
Tell him you love him. And that you're sorry that he lost someone that was so special to him, but that love has given him another girl to be with, right here and now. And if he can be here with you, you'd really love that. But if not... well... then maybe you need to move on with your own life, and let him heal in his own time.
I'm sorry that you're both going through this.
Good luck.
2007-03-19 09:18:36 · answer #5 · answered by Vix 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sad. Think of it this way, if it were you, what would you want? I know that it is hard to hold back how you are feeling, especially when you just want to take the pain away. Be his friend. I am sure that he already knows that you love him.
2007-03-19 15:42:40 · answer #6 · answered by nerby79 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to follow YOUR heart. Do what you think is right. I've begun to tell people that I love those words whenever I see them because I don't know when or if I'll ever see them again. Your boyfriend understands that, I'm sure. Do what feels right to you. If you love him, tell him so. Don't worry about his response, just be sure to follow YOUR heart.
2007-03-11 20:13:17 · answer #7 · answered by BRAINS! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him enough time to recover...it would be too early to tell him exactly what you feel for him...instead,you can be a good help to ease the pain hes keeping in his heart,help him forget and make him realize that he have to go and move on,that life is beautiful...and make him feel that he is important to you,you dont need to say a word,i'm sure he can feel that.Action speaks louder than words...
2007-03-19 17:48:32 · answer #8 · answered by andrew 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋