late to to the dress try on and were so not into the whole thing that the lady at the bridal store noticed and commented to me on their attitudes. To top this all off, they hated the color of the dress and commented to the lady at the bridal store and my matron of honor when I was in the bathroom that the color was for kids and is too bright and will not look good on the other girl. I was told this later by my MOH. So guess what next thing I know they have the color swatch book there and they are picking out all of these dark color dresses for me for my summer wedding so feeling frustrated I changed my color to a lighter pink instead of my fuschia color which will suit the one girl's skin tone. I don't now what I was thinking at the time just completely annoyed with the whole thing and full of regret.
I made a bad judgement call to want to include these special co-workers in my wedding and now I want them out. What is the best way to remove them without a lot of BS to deal with?
2007-03-11 16:57:08 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
just let them know that it is YOUR wedding, and this is what u have picked out. if they want to participate they need to show some kind of interest. let them know they are not obligated to be in the wedding
2007-03-11 17:00:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
Know what? You are in a commitment and consistency trap. Back out of it. They are also in a commitment and consistency trap and they need to be let go. Can 'em. You are going to have to grow a spine. Why? Because they work with you. Not only that, more than likely you have other co-workers coming to this wedding to, no? Can 'em and do it in your own way...but be as straight forward as possible. You don't have to tell them "exactly" why...you don't owe them an explaination, seriously. "This is what I have decided to do, and I would rather not discuss it any further. I hope you understand."
Its YOUR wedding, not theirs. What if the shoe were on the other foot? They are not being your friends. They are being extremely selfish. Would they tollerate you changing the dress colour of their bridesmaid dresses? Highly doubtful. Grow a set.
I also understand that you might have to reimberse them for any expenses that they may have invested into this wedding...but, I would look to tell them, cancel the orders, and sell the incidentals on ebay. It is more than likely worth it. As it stands, the way that it is headed will be more of a pain in the butt in the long run. They might even be horrible (and late) to your shower, the rehersal, the rehersal party and the wedding. And, they will more than likely criticise everything along the way.
2007-03-11 17:12:21 · answer #2 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing to do is ask them if they really want to be your bridemaids. They may be feeling stressed out and upset that they now have this imposed "honor" placed upon them.
Let them know that if they feel pressured or if they don't want to participate as YOU have planned, then they don't have to be your bridemaids!
On the other hand it is never easy to find one color or even one dress style that looks good on everyone. My sister had four good friends as her bridemaids. They all had different opinions about what they would wear--STRONG opinions.
She finally got them to decide on a color-- a royal blue. They went with the good luck wedding theme--something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. They all wore different outfits that were strangely all very well coordinated to each other!
It seems that the one thing all of her bridemaids insisted on was that their dresses were not a "wear only once then toss" outfit. A month before the wedding occurred I thought that my sister would have NO bridemaids, it seemed that everyone was arguing with everyone else!
As it turned out though, the women she had picked for her bridemaids were truly her friends. Once everybody sat down and decided that this should be a joyous occasion for all-- not just a "lock-step" traditional wedding-- thing seem to fall into place!
I have one wish for you--may the ceremonies in your life make your friendships stronger. Congratulations and may your "big day" go well!
2007-03-11 17:56:48 · answer #3 · answered by Cherlinette 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
at first, do no longer hear to those that say do no longer date in the workplace. There are information that coach that maximum efficient marriages began as artwork-romances and that's how my mothers and fathers met. that is in user-friendly terms awkward in case you act like a jerk to her. Secondly, get her to at last do a shot or 2 of tequila with you after she's had a common drink. that is going to help decrease her safeguard and he or she could relax with you. Then ask her if she will shop a secret and tell her something innocuous. Be playful yet do no longer kiss her till you already know she's had adequate to drink and is open to it. sense it out. you artwork jointly so if it does not ensue on the 1st day holiday, you will in all probability get a 2nd probability if she's no longer waiting once you're. Take it slower because of the fact she's a co-worker and permit her come around to you while she's gentle. If she likes then you definately that is going to pay off in the tip.
2016-09-30 13:22:07 · answer #4 · answered by ilsa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is rough. Tell them that you are unwilling to change the colors for their sake because it takes away from plan you have for the wedding. Let them know your tastes are too dis-similar to make it work. Let them know that you appreciate their saying yes, but you also understand if they would rather bow out at this time so all of you can stay happy and maybe they would just want to be guests at the wedding. Tell them you will miss their presence in the wedding party, but you will enjoy them at the reception. You can not afford to spend all that money on something they like and you do not. Bite the bullet.
2007-03-11 18:41:10 · answer #5 · answered by the Goddess Angel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well at least you recognize your mistake in letting them get you to change your color scheme. They think you're a pushover now.
And maybe these girls don't want to be in the wedding; the reason for their attitude.
Tell the girls that since they don't seem to be "into" your wedding you are asking that they step down so that you can have a bridal party that supports you. You are going to have to deal with the BS. Sorry.
Expect these girls to talk about you at work behind your back. Don't retaliate. Just let them talk; it will die down. Just do your job & concentrate on your wedding.
Go back to your original colors & plan the wedding YOU want. And if you don't have others to replace these girl with, then you'll have a smaller wedding party. But you will be confident that those who will be there on your wedding day will be there because they WANT to be.
2007-03-11 17:21:38 · answer #6 · answered by weddrev 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell them what you have heard them say, and ask if they truly want to be a part of your wedding because you understand that being a bridesmaid is time consuming and sometimes costly. Explain that although you consider them to be friends, your wedding is your special day and you have already planned it and picked out your favorite colors and while their opinions may be helpful, you do not need the added stress of trying to please everyone else. Offer to reimburse them the money they have already invested on the dresses. Getting them out probably won't be one of the most pleasant experiences of your life, but it is your wedding and your special day, and it does not need to be marred by their selfishness. I have worn some God-awful bridesmaid dresses before, and I did it with class and without ever saying a single negative word about it. I considered it an honor of the highest that someone considered me such a friend that she would want me to stand with her on the most important day of her life. Those women you considered friends are not only low class but bitchy as well. Congratulations on your coming marriage and good luck!!
2007-03-11 17:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your wedding is a day you are going to remember for the rest of your life! Do you want to remember it as the day the bridesmaids showed up late in dresses that were a color you didnt even want or do you want to remember it as the day that you had people in your wedding that really wanted to celebrate this joyful union with you and support you as friends so you had ladies who went with the color you picked out even if they didnt like it laughed about it with you later and showed up on time. I say gently explain to them that they can go with the color you have chosen or not. you would rather not have attendants then to compromise what you really want . I would have the MOH there for support just in case things get unpleasant.
2007-03-11 17:14:03 · answer #8 · answered by galixcysmagic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't tell them they couldn't be in the wedding, but I would politely remind them that this is YOUR wedding and whether they like it or not, YOU get to decide every little detail. They will get their chance some day down the road. Don't get too worked up... I can imagine how completely frustrating that must be, but you don't want to look back on the planning and think of a bunch of negative stuff. Let them know and move on with your plans the way you want to... and be happy! This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life!!!
2007-03-11 17:08:54 · answer #9 · answered by ☼ lovethesun11 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
eek poor you. Whatever you do it is going to hurt feelings and be stressful. Best thing to do is make it the least stressful to you.
Fancy a little white lie? Say due to budget constraints you now can't afford three bridesmaids just the maid of honour so they will not be able to be your bridesmaids. You don't need them - if they are causing trouble now - imagine how they will be on your big day - you don't need that. Just the MOH is needed.
Whatever you do, just keep them away. I know it will hurt but it will be worse the longer you leave it and you won't enjoy the happiest day of your life. I know they are your co-workers which makes it even harder but for your own sanity kick them out now!
Good luck - keep us up dated!
2007-03-11 17:14:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell them and make them think you are doing them a favor. Something like"since you really don't seem to have time for my wedding, I know how busy you are, I've decided to let you off the hook. Of course you are still invited (they won't come) but I've decided to con some other girls into being my bridesmaids. My colors will look better on them anyway.
2007-03-11 17:02:28 · answer #11 · answered by Jon's Mom 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋