tell me something funny?

Answer 1

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe
She had so many children - - her uterus fell out.

Answer 2

2 jokes i found on the internet:

http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/jingle_bells_reversed.shtml


One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

lol, this is probably NOT going to be funny..but I'll give it a try.
"when something is dry clean only, that means it's dirty!"
"you know when you're waiting in a restaurant for a table, and they call out "DuFrames party of 2, DuFrames party of 2" and when the DuFrams don't come they go on someone else "Bush party of 4, Bush party of 4." but what happened to the DuFrams? They could be trapped in someones car with duct tape on there mouths, and they're hungry! That's a double whammy. It should be "Bush search party of 4, Bush search party of 4"

Answer 4

+------------------- Bizarre Criminals --------------------+

In September 1992, robbers in Las Vegas held up a van
thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it
was carrying potato chips instead.

In 1998, a guard was caught smuggling a wad of money in
his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny
security-dye capsule exploded, blowing a hole in his
trousers.

In 1998, a would-be Texas grocery store robber went to the
trouble of disguising his face with a balaclava but forgot
to remove from his breast pocket a laminated badge which
bore his name, place of employment and position within the
company - an oversight spotted by at least a dozen
witnesses.

A 1975 raid on the Royal Bank of Scotland in Rothesay degen-
erated into farce when, on the way in, the three would-be
raiders got stuck in the bank's revolving doors and had to
be helped free by the staff. Undeterred, they returned a
few minutes later and announced that it was a robbery. The
staff thought it was a practical joke and refused to pay
up. While one of the men vaulted the counter and twisted
his ankle on landing, the other two made their escape,
only to get trapped in the revolving doors again.

Answer 5

Have you seen those commercial for Alzheimer's Disease?
I laugh every-time they list all the side effects; after they promote the medication! Such as: soar throat, constipation, upset stomach, stomach ulcers and internal possible bleeding, dizzy spells etc. The funny part is that the patient will remember it all! ha-ha

Answer 6

the other day i say a man in his 30's wearing a leopard skin thong.I t was funny because everyone got out their camera phones and started taking pictures.lol.

Answer 7

I was roller skating in a buffalo heard and slipped and fell on buffalo poop !

Answer 8

BALL SACK?