Should I allow visitation/ask for child support?

Question

My daughter is 13 months old. Her father and I separated three months ago after I called the police on him for physical abuse (not the first time it happened). This time it was in front of my daughter and his other two children. I packed up and moved into my mother's house, and we are doing fine. I was not married, and in my state, that means I have sole physical and legal custody. He does not have any rights to her, although I have been allowing visitation in my house, or accompanied by me. This seems to be going alright, but he always tries to touch me and kiss me, calls all the time, even after I have asked him repeatedly to stop. I asked him today if he is going to pay the agreed child support or if I need to go to the child support enforcement agency. He stated that my mom pays for her food so he doesn't have to. I am very upset, I am trying to find a job now because she has been sick in the past month (just got ear tubes), but I can't put her in daycare without any money

So my question is, if he continually threatens to just "sign away his rights" which he has none anyway, should I just not let him see her anymore? Or should I just go and get child support and continue visitation? I do not agree with his parenting style at all, which is why he is only allowed visitation while I am there. I am at a loss here, and I have to go this week to testify in court, and he is trying to tell me not to go even though I got a subpoena, he is afraid of getting deported. I explained that I have to go or risk jail time, but he is still pissed. Also, I own the car he is paying for an driving, and I am being very nice in letting him keep it. I just feel he is being ungrateful for the things I am allowing that I have no legal obligation to allow. I don't want her to be 8 years old and him walk out, I'd rather he just do it now.

To Colleen: She is on Medicaid and I am eligible tomorrow to go back on food stamps. I am supporting her now through odd jobs and savings, but the problem is I have credit cards to pay and bills from our house ( I paid 1500 in three months, most of which came from my taxes) of which 1/2 are his obligation. My mom picks up things at the store for her, yes, and she for example, bought me a box of diapers for my birthday, but I am looking for a job now (I graduated with my bachelor's in December) Thanks for your advice.

Answer 1

First of all, let me congratulate you because you are one of those few women who are strong enough to get out of a bad/abusing relationship. Good for you! (I'm also one of them - but luckily I didn't have children with my ex.)

You should definitely get him to pay child support! It is his responsibility to support you and your daughter.

As far as visitation goes, it's up to your judgment how much your daughter needs those visits. Is it worth it? If the answer is yes, maybe have other family members there during visitation period, so he doesn't try to get close to you like that.

I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!

Answer 2

you are between a rock and a hard case. first of all, if he lended a hand on your person, he's not nice. sorry, don't want to use profane words. secondly, he sounds as if he hasn't became the man you need him to be. now, you chose him and were with him 22 months ago when you decide to make, as i call it, Gods beautiful child. so, your stuck with him hypothetically. i suggest seeking proper legal eagles to tell you where you stand. most states have legal representation for next to nothing. if you can state your case, you might get it for free. i say this because if you don't do everything by the book, it'll blow up in your face. you see, if hes gets cornered, hell be like a cat that gets cornered, the claws will come out. are you a christian. if not, seek the lord. find a nice quiet place, close your eyes and "come as you are". he loves you and wants the best for you and your sweetness. your both his children. then seek a bible believing church. you be surprised how many people in the church would give there life for you. betcha there's probably even a couple of lawyers in gods house. and what you are going through someones done been there. a good women's ministry is the key. women your age to guide you spiritually and hold you accountable. god bless you and give that youngin a smooch for. that's life at its best. gods pride and joy

Answer 3

From a child's point of view, my parents had a similar issue, in fact exactly the same thing when I was the same age... shockingly similar. I recommend that even though you may hate him now, and even forever it isn't fair to take away the child. It may seem like "it was his choice" but it wasn't the child's to not be involved with its father. If you need child support, file for it... but allow visitation until a real problem occurs between the child and the father. I personally didn't get to spend time with my father, and he is now a low life... where he had a job as a Banker before my parents split up, but now he is unemployed living off of illegal actions which I choose not to inform you about. I think that taking away a child from someone is unfair, and I as the child wish I knew my father before he was like he is now... and in your case.... Allow visitation until your child is capable of or willing to say that the visitation is not favorable to them, or something bad happens.

Also, remember that for some reason you were with the man at some time he must not have been that bad, and there is always room for change...

Good luck!

Answer 4

If he wants to "sign away parental rights" Which even in your situation he DOES Have...right now he CAN get visitation rights whether you were married or not. However if he wants to sign away that right let him do so. But remember YOU will be responsible for the total support of your child. It's great that your mom can help you out but you should start thinking about not relying on your mother. This child is YOUR responsiblity...not her's. Frankly if I were you I would go an demand support from the child's father. Then put the baby on welfare, then the state will garnish HIS wages to pay back what was paid out in welfare, the IRS will take any back support out of any tax returns he gets and the baby will be supported. I know you mother doesn't want you to have to resort to welfare but it is an avenue to get HIM to pay up.

Answer 5

No. Having a new child is a duty that incorporates the two useful and disadvantages. Seeing the youngster and spending time with him/her is helpful. Having to pay for the youngster is a damaging. it is not honest to reward the deadbeat determine with visitation while that comparable determine would not care adequate to help pay for the youngster. i'm 35 weeks pregnant with a new child whose "father" abandoned us the two at 14 weeks. He has no longer noted as, or asked how the toddler is/i'm. He stated he might "deliver money when I can" as he walked out the door. He has no longer despatched a penny. so a procedures as i'm worried, he would not should confirm my new child. He has no longer positioned forth one ounce of attempt to be sure the protection and properly being of this new child. i'm specific that's a moot element besides, because of the fact the "father" moved 3 states away to stay together with his mommy and daddy. i'm no longer able to image him travelling 12 hours to confirm his son, while he won't even positioned forth the attempt to %. up the telephone or mail a verify each each so often. Oh and he's a hardcore alcoholic....he has money to purchase 2 circumstances of beer daily, yet no money for his son. He already has a DUI. His ex-spouse additionally stated me that he admitted being sexually involved in infants. So no, he won't be spending any time with my new child. Over my lifeless physique.

Answer 6

First and foremost you must go to court, you must testify and tell the truth, yes it is very likely that he will be deported, which may not be the worst thing for you. I know you want to look to him for support but I would not expect it. I would talk to your local Human Services Office for assistants. I would take the car back if you can't afford to keep it sell it. If he does not get deported you can file for child support, but you will then most likely have to allow him some type of visitation, most likely because of his violent pass it would be supervised.

Answer 7

If a parent pays support, and is not deemed to be a threat to the safety of the child..then vivsitation should be mandatory. Although it is sad that he chose physical violence to deal with you, He needs to know he has a problem(hitting women is not proper) and he also needs to know the child is his responsibility as well. I've heard that once he leaves the country, you can kiss support hopes goodbye. If your gonna do anything, make it snappy. BEST WISHES.

Answer 8

Go and get it taken care of legally and then you will no longer have to endure his threats about anything. It will give you peace of mind to have it all spelled out in black and white and done legally. For now, since he has been abusive to you, I would only allow supervised visits. There are institutions where you can take your child for these visits and they are supervised by qualified individuals, so you don't actually have to see or talk to him or endure him trying to touch you. I have a feeling these "visits" are more about him trying to manipulate you than visiting with his daughter.

Answer 9

If he won't leave you alone and won't pay as agreed, assuming your mom will take care of HIS responsibility, he should not have any rights to her. Is this court-ordered support? If so, turn him in for refusal to pay...and tell them the reason he gave you for refusing! Of course he will tell them something else. My opinion is, If a guy won't take responsibility for his child, the child must mean nothing to him and should not have to see him!!!! Sounds to me as if he wants to play with the baby and play you...for free!!!! Visitation has not been court ordered so you are not required to let him see her AT ALL!!

Answer 10

Go for the child support. And talk to the court about his previous violent behavior. Payment of child support does not guarantee him visitation with the child, especially if it's unsupervised. If he hits you, one day he'll hit her, too.

If you really want nothing to do with him, then just cut off all contact. But don't expect child support unless you go through the courts.