my sister cares more about her friends then me,she wont even spend time with me and shes coming to my town?

Question

My family puts me last on their list of priorities,they put their friends even strangers ahead of me,I havent seen my oldest sis in months,and she is coming down to visit the city I am in,but instead of allowing me to pick her up from the airport she is having her so called "best friend" pick her up,and she will be spending 2 whole weeks with her,and maybe a couple hours with me.I feel really hurt by this,her best friend goes and sees her every 3 months,plus she has been down here twice in the past couple yrs and each time she spends every min with her best friend and absolutely none with me.I feel so hurt that i get sick to my stomach and cry,my whole family neglects me,even though im in my 20's i still think family is thicker then water but not for them,how can I talk to her and make her understand how I feel?how can I handle feeling so neglected,unloved and rejected??

Answer 1

Her friend makes the time and effort to go see her every 3 months. How often do you go see your sister like that? If you want a friendship with her you have to nurture it and it sounds like her friend does that.

Answer 2

You feel more hurt when your family neglects you, that's natural. But your sister shares a lot with her best friend, so much more than with you that it is not even a close competition. So just accept it from this sister. You can't somehow elevate yourself to 'best friend' status. Nobody can force that. And asking your sister to honor blood over real affection for her friend is just as hard.
Maybe the answer is: stop expecting so much attention from 'blood' when it's not there to begin with. You are right to ask 'how can I handle feeling so neglected' because that is the real question. If I were you, I'd continue to be there for your family and hope that sometime the occasion arises where they honestly do appreciate you. But don't hold your breath about it.
Some families are so tight, they are oppressive to people who marry into the family. Other families are so standoffish, even to each other, that you wonder how they are even related! It's just the way it is and the thing is, you are taking it personally. What you can take personally is the feelings you have in relationships where you do have some control - boyfriends, best friends, etc. If you don't have a boyfriend or a best friend, then it is going to be your family that is the yardstick to how you feel about yourself - neglected, unloved, etc. Take the focus away from your family and look at your social circle. Make some efforts to build up relationships.
You can always be good to your family, reliably, and maybe in your later years, you will be everyone's favorite relative - the person they appreciate after many years of good works. But it's a long time coming. Don't shortchange yourself - think of building your own family with husband and in-laws and children.
Good luck!

Answer 3

It's possible your sister has no idea how you feel.Maybe she thinks your life is full and you dont have the time for her.
These misunderstandings are common in families because we feel awkward talking about our feelings but you clearly love and miss your sister so I think you should try to let her know how you feel.Maybe if you cant talk on the phone easily you could write her a letter.Tell her how much you think of her as a person,and value her as a sister.
I dont know how you feel about her best friend but if they are as close as you say and your sis wants to spend a lot of time with her why not invite her and your sister to do something together with you like a meal.Maybe then if your sis see you getting along with her friend she will feel comfortable including you in any plans they have for her holiday.
I hope you can sort this.

Answer 4

I would talk to your sister and tell her exactly what you wrote on here. Maybe she'll feel bad about it. You seem to value your family and you should let her know that. Ask her why she does not like to hang out with you> Maybe you two can do something together that you're both into or just have movie and lunch or something. It's crappy that your family does not see how important it is to spend some time when you can. The only thing I could suggest is talking to them, start with the person you're closest to.

Answer 5

Families, unfortunately, can be like this sometimes even though they shouldn't be. You can always just come out and tell your sis that you would like to spend more time with her and try calling her more often (even if she doesn't call you). Maybe, even though she may not respond the way you want her to right now, she may remember all your calls and caring down the road when she doesn't have anyone else to talk to and finally turn to you and find what she didn't know she was missing.

Answer 6

These feelings are serious and not to be ignored by anyone. Write a heartfelt letter to each member expressing your feelings giving examples and instances to back them up. Letters make it difficult for them to interrupt and become defensive. If this does not work, actually either way, find a therapist to help you cope with this.

Answer 7

just talk to her and let her know how you feel. ask her to spend one day of her vaca with you.