should I tell my daughter shes adopted?

Question

Im a foster parent of four children and recently was able to adopt one of the little girls that we have had seince she was born. her mother is a drug addict and is in prison for a long time she is now one and half years old and we love her very much, but dont know if me and my husband should tell her about her mother and if we do when whould be a good time.

Answer 1

You should definitely tell her. I myself was adopted as a baby and I can't remember a time that I didn't know that. Growing up knowing is was no different to me than having green eyes. While she is young you should just tell her that her mother was unable to take care of her for health reasons without going into complete detail. As she gets old enough to understand everything then you can tell her the rest. To have a good relationship with her you have to be honest all the time not just when you absolutely have to. She will love and trust you more for having told her the truth all along.

Answer 2

First of all I will like to congratulate you and your husband for choosing adoption as a way to raise a family. I believe a parent is the one who is there, the one who cares enough to be there in good times and bad times. It's not about who gives birth of the baby, because that is the easy part, it's raising that child and turn that little person into a responsible citizen. That is a parent. So , answering your question, sure, why not tell her or him, how much she was loved and wanted by you and your spouse, tell her how you will give anything to help her and be there for them, teach them what a responsible parent you are, not because you have to , not because you are forced to , but because you understand every child deserves to be raised in a normal environment, and needs to feel safe and protected by those who really loves them. They will understand, let them know as soon as they are three or four years old, when they can understand and differentiate between real and adopted. Tell them why, yes they should know when they are little so they don't feel like they have lived in a lie.

Answer 3

She will find out someday, so you should be honest. I would not tell her about her mother, or she will feel it has something to do with her. If you have other foster children in the home, you should probably not wait to tell her when she is older. You may not need to explain very much at all, if she grows up with foster children and the concept of adoption. Be sure she knows that you got to choose her, because she is so special!

Answer 4

the best time to tell your adopted child that he/she is adopted is now while she is young, let her grow up knowing from the very start that she is adopted, but show her the love that a real parents would do as for their real daughter. The psychological development would be more intact and secure for her, knowing that despite her situation, she has a family still. One thing you really have to deal with sooner or later is the fact that one day your adopted child will know that she is adopted and that she will want to know or find her biological parents. Bear in mind that you took care of them by choice and you have to be ready for such consequences later on.

Answer 5

Talk to a professional, adoption agency, and resarch - lookup groups or sites that will give you information. Get advise from people who have been through it. I think the best time to tell her would be when she understands it, starts school something like that. First 6-7 years of life. Keep an open disscusion about it in your household. And by the way, great thing you are doing. God Bless You.

Answer 6

While I agree with all the answers that say you should tell her, I think you should take note of the wide divergence in the age people think is appropriate, and consult with a professional. Your pediatrician can refer you to an adoption-specific family counselor, who will probably be happy to give you a free initial consultation regarding the best time to explain to your daughter that she's your daughter not because she grew inside you but because you chose her as your daughter when the woman who grew her couldn't take care of her.

I'd say you have to lay off the "was on drugs and went to prison" angle because it can only create problems for her when she's old enough to romanticize her birth mother.

Answer 7

Actually I would tell you to tell her right now, but since she's one and a half years old, I don't think she'd understand the meaning of a foster parent or adoption. Wait around a couple of years, but I warn you not to wait too many years, because the consequence won't be genuine.

Answer 8

First of all, it is such a good thing you are doing taking care of these children and adopting your daughter. Thank you on behalf of our whole society!

You should definitely be honest with her about everything. But you don't have to give her every detail right away. You have to judge when she is ready to hear various things.

I'll let some adoptive parents give you more advice from their experience. I'd only be telling you second hand. But adopted kids that I know love their adoptive parents so much because they chose to raise them. It's a very special thing.

I'm getting teary eyed right now thinking about when my aunt and uncle adopted my cousin.

Answer 9

Yes she has a right to know the truth, but 1 and a half is way too young, only when she is old enough to understand, im guessing mid teens, also you will probably know when you think that she is ready, there will be a right time, the most important thing is that she is loved very much.

Answer 10

No, I wouldn't. There is really no sense in doing it. It will only cause problems and it won't do any good for the situation. I went to school with adopted kids and most of them wouldn't even have known if nobody would have told them. Chances are if you have three other foster children, the youngest one will find out or some adult who knows you will spread the rumor around when the child gets old enough to get interested.