Im a foster parent of four children and recently was able to adopt one of the little girls that we have had seince she was born. her mother is a drug addict and is in prison for a long time she is now one and half years old and we love her very much, but dont know if me and my husband should tell her about her mother and if we do when whould be a good time.
2007-03-11 14:35:18 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I definately think it is something you should tell her. As far as when it is the right time, I would suggest talking to a counselor about this. Also, keep in mind that your other children (if they are aware of this) and get angry at something may "throw it in her face" one day out of anger. She is too young to understand it right now but soon enough she will be. Although children may not be able to comprehend things I believe the can sense when something "isn't so"
2007-03-11 14:40:47 · answer #1 · answered by babeebluez73 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You always want to tell a child when he/she is adopted, as soon as they are old enough to understand. I am adopted, and am happy that I was told. It is a wonderful thing. She could have been aborted, but you were amazing enough to give this little child the opportunity at a life she probably never would have had. My parents had a birthday party and an adoption party for me when I was younger, and it was very special to have that. How many other children have a chance to be brought out of a troubling situation and into a loving family? Good for you, and I wish you and your family the best of everything. Also being a foster parent, especially one of the good ones, is very special too. You're are heroes to these little children. Don't forget that.
2007-03-11 14:40:51 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin M 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If I know anything, it's that some adopted kids never know about their parents if they're sent to an adopting agency before the age of 1. The best thing to do is this: wait till she's old enough to tell her. Now at 1 and 1/2 is not a good time. Sure she needs to know, but not now.
Do tell her, but wait till she can talk.
2007-03-13 06:33:10 · answer #3 · answered by GiR 2.0 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the beginning. Don't tell her bad things about her mother just that her mother couldn't care for her properly, and she wanted her to grow up with loving parents who could—the family that raises an adopted child are the "real" parents. Talk to her as having been "chosen" by you and stories about how you waited and hoped for her to come (maybe that you can't have children yourself and that she is a blessing). There are children's books about adopted children—read them to her. Do not wait, or she will feel be betrayed and lied to the longer that you wait. Start slowly and lovingly and then be matter of fact about it. She should never doubt your love and may never need to know about the troubles of her biological mother..
2007-03-11 14:47:41 · answer #4 · answered by DrB 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congrats on the adoption and yes I would tell her that you adopted her because you loved her so much and her mommy was not well enough to take care of her. Once she is older and understands a bit more you can explain excatly what her mother was but for now just let her know that you love her and that you are for all it is worth her mom and dad now and that nothing is going to change that. But don't hide that she is adopted because if you do and she gets older and finds out she may hold it against you for not telling her the truth like it was something to hide. Once again congrats and good luck.
2007-03-11 14:40:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you often decide to tell a baby while he/she is observed, as quickly as they're the right age to understand. i'm observed, and am happy that i grew to become into informed. it particularly is a fantastic difficulty. She might have been aborted, yet you have been marvelous adequate to grant this little baby the possibility at a existence she in all probability under no circumstances might have had. My mothers and fathers had a occasion and an adoption occasion for me while i grew to become into youthful, and it grew to become into very specific to have that. how many different babies have of challenge to be introduced out of a troubling concern and right into a loving kin? sturdy for you, and that i wish you and your loved ones the superb of each and every thing. additionally being a foster parent, extraordinarily between the sturdy ones, is extremely specific too. you're are heroes to those sons and daughters. do no longer forget that.
2016-09-30 13:14:12 · answer #6 · answered by lieser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband was adopted. His family told him he was adopted around age 8 when he could fully understand and was able to form "questions". His mom and dad never spoke badly of his biological mother who is a drunk, known as the towns one legged bar whore, and is heavy into drugs. He met his mother and found out all these things on his own. Tell her when shes older she has the right to know
2007-03-11 15:43:32 · answer #7 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's important that it becomes part of who she is. Start slowly... there are plenty of books out there about children who are adopted having been "chosen." Read those to her at bedtime, and it will just become part of her life. I would be very careful about what I told her about her mother until she is 18.. she does need to know she is adopted, but she doesn't need to know her mother is a drug addict, etc.
Don't wait until you think she is ready, or until she is a teenager -- that's a horrible time to find out your parents have been withholding the truth from you. She needs to know early on so she can grow up understanding it.
2007-03-11 14:45:31 · answer #8 · answered by kelannde 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
tell her she's adopted but don't tell her that her mother is a drug addict
just tell her she has 2 mommies
a birth mommy and an adopted mommy who both love her very much but her birth mommy could take care of her because of a sickness(which is true in a sense) but you her adopted mommy can
tell her in a way that she will understand every year tell her a little more on how she came to live with you
it will be easier to accept then just telling her when she's older
2007-03-11 14:42:01 · answer #9 · answered by Greeneyed 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
God bless you for caring for these children. I don't think I would tell her anything at one and a half years of age. She has enough to do right now with just growing up. And I don't know if she would even understand at this point. My recommendation is to wait a few years. Talk to a church pastor or priest for advice. Your local mental health office will be glad to help too. They won't charge you for advice. Good luck, and again.....God bless.
2007-03-11 14:44:58 · answer #10 · answered by sarge 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋