My daughter asked to have lunch at a particulkar restaurant today. I agreed she, her brother and I would go after takgin ehr stepdad to work. When we got there, my husbands parents were already seated. They aren't speaking to my husband nor myself. They have accused me of telling them that they were not allowed a realtionship with either my husbnand or our 10 month old(was 8 months at the time). I did not say these things or any of the many others I was accused of. My husband knows I did not because he was next to me during the phone call I was supposed ot have said them, my daughter knows I did not because I just don't work that way.
Anyhow, my daughter asked to go speak to her grandparents, I told her sure. She went and they spoke a bit, she came back and asked to take her brother, I told her sure. They flat out refused to hold him or even speak to him, although my husbands stepmother's sister and brother in law did hold him and play with him.
2007-03-11 14:17:44 · 8 answers · asked by Betsy 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The situation is MUCH deeper than this one instance obviously. But was I wrong for letting her go to them? I was afraid in my heart it would turn out this way, they would hurt her in order to hurt me.
They since sent me an email accusing me of using my children to manipulate them and requested no further contact.
Next time we run in to them, what kind of mother do I become if I say no, you can't go talk to your grandparents? Their email says "no further contact" Would you take it that they no longer want teh pictures and updates on the children that I send them as well? I do, but I'm afraid NOT to send them. What would you do?
Yes it's long, yes, it's complicated. But I'm hurt and I'm torn.
2007-03-11 14:17:53 · update #1
What a terribly sad situation and it would appear that your inlaws are immature people. Unfortunately, there are some relationships in life that we have to "write off" because to continue to persue them would be destructive to you and your family.
Let it be. Explain it to your child by saying that it has nothing to do with her but that Grandma and Grandpa want to be left alone for now; that they are going through a difficult time. Hopefully, in time, there may be a change in their attitude, but I would doubt it by what you describe.
2007-03-11 14:29:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jo 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you would like to have a better relationship with them at some point I'd keep sending the updates unless they request that you stop that too. But I wouldn't send the kids over into that kind of situation ever again.
Be glad your husband knows what you said and is on your side because it sounds like your in-laws have some major issues.
2007-03-11 14:33:30 · answer #2 · answered by Critter 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
U were so right. Because it was beta oof for u to do it and not keep on wondering if they would have welcomed your kids or not. Now that u are claer and with the best interest of the kids at heart follow your instincts. They are the ones actually who said no contact. sad. talk to your kids about it and show them that though you were interested u cannot force people lset the kids get hurt.
I believe your love will nurture this kids into adulthood. Just know you are enough for them and play your role.
God bless u
2007-03-12 03:09:01 · answer #3 · answered by LadyK 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand long term problems with family. 25 years of emotional torture here. When my mother passed a year and a half ago my father and sister turned on me to a degree that still stuns me to this day. But the last straw was when my father shut my daughter out of his life for the first six months after my mother's death. She was just beginning to recover from all of this when he suddenly wanted to start up a relationship with her again, saying "don't keep her from us", as far as I was concerned he had already achieved that on his own. It was the last straw. My daughter was 10 at the time. For the sake of my daughter's emotional environment and for my own sanity I divorced my family. It was a struggle to forgive myself for giving up on them (although as I said it took 25 years) but now that it's over I realize what blessing in life it can be to rid yourself of those who cause you pain. Good Luck.
2007-03-11 14:50:55 · answer #4 · answered by Pandora 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would keep sending them the pics, but not trying to communicate. Since you don't know what they were saying to her, I wouldn't let her be in that situation in the future. These people sound nuts.
2007-03-12 08:34:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well so be it. No more contact for them. If anyone asks just say they said they wanted no more contact and you are respecting their wishes.
Truly, I am sorry your in laws are so hostile. Perhaps it is better that they don't have contact with your child, you wouldn't want that to rub off on him.
2007-03-11 14:30:43 · answer #6 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd let my kids talk to them but if they disrespected my kids, all **** would hit the fan and I'd be the one slinging it.
2007-03-11 14:21:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.
2007-03-11 14:22:05 · answer #8 · answered by Mom of 3 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋