Does anyone have any tips about how to make a just about three year old boy a litle more loving and gentle towards his two month old brother? We thought we'd got it sorted throughout the pregnancy and in the first few weeks. But now, although generally lovely, our toddler has turned into an unusually (for him) attention seeking tot and has this weekend aimed a coat hanger at his brother's head. Driving us mad... All very common behaviour I'm sure, and probably all our fault (almost certainly, or is that a typical parenting guilt trip?). Anyway, any general tips from older hands at this parenting journey?
2007-03-11 13:48:21 · 8 answers · asked by Japie 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Don’t blame yourself! This is very common. He is feeling powerless and very jealous of the baby because he was the center of your world for a long time and he has to share you. Make sure you take time everyday to show him how much you love him. When the baby is sleeping, do an art project, read him a story, play a game, and things that show he is the "big boy" (he can help mommy or daddy with things, help make a snack or dinner, help with the baby...getting a diaper, let him pick out baby's outfit...). He will enjoy helping and gain some experience being gentle. Get him a “Big Brother” shirt. He will be proud to wear it and enjoy comments he gets from others. Once he begins to feel like a “big brother,” he will feel the need to protect his younger brother and stop the aggression.
Help him to feel powerful by saying things like "You did that by yourself! You stacked every block! You can run super fast! Look how high you can climb! You used so many colors on your picture!" He will see that you notice him. This is a great way to show your attention and love and help him to feel powerful and confident.
Here are some great books to help young children with the arrival of a new sibling The New Baby-Fred Rogers, My New Baby-Annie Kubler, Waiting for Baby-Annie Kubler, The New Baby at Your House-Joanna Cole
Best of luck to you and congratulations!
2007-03-12 07:18:57 · answer #1 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We had the same problem and they were also a similar age. It soon wore off when we got the older sister to help dress the baby, we also bought a little present (a little cake or comic or something) and told her it was from her little sister, I hope this helps - I don't think the sibling jealousy goes away - our youngest is now 20 months old and the oldest is nearly 4 and a half and we still get the odd moment of jealousy even now - but at least she knows it is wrong! Good luck.
What about also giving him a little "job" to do around the baby that he only does when he is around - like put a nappy in the bin or go and choose the pyjamas for his little brother - this helped us a lot too.
2007-03-11 22:15:35 · answer #2 · answered by JoJi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 7 year old and a 4 month old. So, you can imagine how jealous my oldest son became....after it being just the two of us for so long. This is what i do: I plan dates with just the oldest one, to show him that he is just as important as the younger one. We go to the movies, park, lunch, etc. You get the idea!! Also, when everyone is going crazy over the new cutie pie in the house....I say hey don't you think Brandon is cute too. My son had felt left out, but now he's gotten better.
He has accepted his little brother with loving arms, b/c he knows that there will always be dates with just him & mom.
Hope this helps!!
2007-03-11 14:31:58 · answer #3 · answered by southern_hockeyfan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give your tot more attention. Once the little one get older the tot will stop being so jealous but older siblings are always jealous of the others. What your tot is tell you is that you spend more time with your younger child then your older one. Try playing games like Go Fish or I Spy!
2007-03-11 13:55:42 · answer #4 · answered by M&M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Include the 3year old on things you do with the new baby, like diaper changing, feeding( if bottle fed), bathe time, and putting baby to bed.
with diaper changing let the 3yo hand you things you need for the diaper change or let him throw a way diapers as you change the baby, the same wit bath time let him hand you things you need like towels or whatever you're using., feeding time let the 3yo wipe the baby's mouth if milk runs down his face or wipe away spit-up.
also explain to him that the baby can't play rough like that and that he has to be gentle with the baby. and 3 yo like the fact of being acknowledged a being the big brother or sister of younger siblings. but usually including them in the daily caring of the new baby will help. and it is also important to give them attention as well. what better way to that than this.
jealousy comes from all attention being drawn to the new baby. the child feels like the baby is taking his place in his parents eyes and the child might not feel as important so they do things that they know will get your attention like throwing things at the baby or hitting baby.
2007-03-11 14:08:24 · answer #5 · answered by d4u_21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just make sure you show both of them the same amount of attention, its hard for some kids when mommy and daddy bring a new baby home because they see all of the attention the baby is getting, you just need to give them both your attention at the same time, and even let your 3 y r old help a little bit, even if its something little!...when your feeding the baby have him sit right beside you, hold him! :)
mommy of 3
2007-03-11 14:00:43 · answer #6 · answered by babygirlz3n2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always remember to give him his own personal time with you all. Also have him help with things like making the bottle and picking out clothes. Let him know how proud of him you are that he is being a great big brother. Let him know that his baby brother really loves him. Also let him know that you love him...in time i hope this all passes. good luck
2007-03-11 13:53:57 · answer #7 · answered by Nikki 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try to give your older boy alone time with each parent by himself and with both parents(while baby is napping) and do something that he enjoys.and try to get him to help you with the baby like bring diapers, get bottles, and stuff like that. hope this helps
2007-03-11 13:57:56 · answer #8 · answered by this name 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋