I could really use some help?

Question

Sometimes I feel like I am too much of a burden on my family. I am currently dealing with metastatic kidney disease, and for the most part they are very supportive of me. I do, and can live alone, though after procedures I often spend 3 to 5 days with them to be sure I am free of reactions or fever. Lately I have been getting the feeling that I am staying too long, even though I contribute by fixing meals or whatever else I can. My parents are gifts from God, I don't want to overstay my welcome, but I live alone, there is nobody to see if I am in trouble unless I can alert someone, or someone is there to see. Am I wrong in staying with my parents for a few days after a procedure?

Answer 1

The ONLY way to know for sure is to delicately ask them and tell them how you feel. Sounds like you have a great relationship with them, so this is probably the best way to go.

If this is out of the question, or you don't feel comfortable doing this, why not ask your doc about home care. Not sure if this is available where you live. But, some people don't have anyone, so usually there are options like this available to people with chronic illnesses.

Answer 2

Hi Steve,

I can feel for you and the pain your going though wondering if you are a burden to your parents. I'm speaking from my heart, I too have days where I need to depend on my family because of chronic illness. They know that I feel uncomfortable about this; so we have agreed to be open and honest about how they are feeling and vis-a-versa. All we can expect from those we need to care for us from time to time is honesty and that we can assure them that we can accept what they have to say without taking it to heart, but that we will understand they we all have different levels of being able to be there for others. The best way to find out if you are staying too long is to ask in a way that they feel okay to answer truthfully and honestly, without fear of your getting hurt; or their being hurt by your reaction.
While writing my response I thought of another thing that you could do is set a schedule up where you stay with them through the early days after your procedures and go home when your feeling okay with them calling your at set times during the other days. You don't say what your living situation is such as neighbors or friends that could help with checking in on you; or even people from your church, if you attend one. I would also check out my community visiting nurses; they would come in to check and see if you are well and sometimes even get groceries or meds for you if you qualify for this service. It is very hard to feel like you are too much of a burden for your family, but again I can't help but reiterate "ASK" they are your family and you wouldn't be there in the first place if they really didn't want you there. I think we are more of the problem in our thinking than they are. Again "ask" and give them space to be honest back without giving them reasons to feel guilty. Your parents are gifts, but so are you and I'm sure they would tell your how they feel if you ask. At least try it.

Answer 3

I am a parent, and I can say that if my child had any kind of physical condition or needed any kind of help, I would want to help in any way that I could. Perhaps you are sensing their worry, and you are misinterpreting it as that you are a burden. Talk to them about it, and tell them just what you said here in your question. I'm sure it will help to discuss it and get everything out on the table. If my child were in the same situation, I would worry more about her going home alone after the procedures than if she came to stay for a few days. Have that talk with them, I'm sure you all will feel better for it. God bless. =)

Answer 4

I don't see anything wrong with staying with your parents for a few days after a procedure. After all, they are the closest member of your family. If they won't help; where would you go to seek help.? Don't worry, when the chips are down, your loving parents will always be there. for you. After all, blood is thicker than water.

Besides, with a metastatic kidney disease, your immune system is already compromised and you can not afford any sign of infection. I'm sure that they are glad that they are able to help you.. That you grant them that opportunity to make a difference in your life..

Try to get in touch with your church. They might be able to help with care, prayers, and ministral work. the minister would be able to help you. Also, check into your insurance. Home health care is usually provided for physically disabled pts. With a kidney failure, it's very hard to care for yourself.


Moreover, it's one of a safety precaution. Supposedly, you fall, who'll be there to pick you up? It's time to curb your pride and independence and depend on your parents. Helping them on simple household chores such as washing the dishes is beneficial for you as an ambulation activity.


If you want to give them a break from caring for you. You might be able to ask other relatives to check on you once you go back to your own place. As for now, living with them on a temporary basis would be the best arrangement


I empathize with you during these times of crisis. Loneliness and aloneliness is magnified during times of illness and crisis. Hoping things will brighten up for you. Hang in there. My prayers are with you ! Good Luck. !

Answer 5

You should be having this conversation with them. Tell them that you feel a little guilty about putting them out, and ask them to be truthful. Most parents will. You may need to make a monitary contribution to your part time household if possible, if your parents are elderly and on a fixed income. But talk to them. You may be creating tension by feeling this way, and it's best to get it out in the open.

Answer 6

I do not know your parents but if my children or grandchildren were to come to me as you are I would consider it both an honor and a duty to help you in every way I could.