I have this relative she is 21 years-old, and has four children, a 7YO, 4YO,and a set of 20 mo.old twins. She is homeless, jobless, and sanctioned from welfare,(didn't comply with some thing.) The father of the children is 23YO, and is in jail for beating up my relative. Any ways, she told her mom (who is also incarcerated), that she was giving her kids to the state. I feel so bad for her, any thoughts?
2007-03-11 12:23:27 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
same situation im dealing with or delt with anyways. i know u feel bad and care about the kids or u would have came here asking for help/ideas. first, for you unless you have the resources to take care of the kids then you can't take them on yourself. so what's next is you have to try and reach out to all of your family members and find out if there's a few that might take the kids. there's money that foster care may give who ever takes the kids.
what about HER???
SHE'S doing the right thing if she's failed in all other ways of taking care of them. she may be doing more harm to the kids by trying to keep them and putting them in bad situations. she probably doesn't want to be under someone elses rules so i k now her and her kids staying with a relative may be hard to come by. i know her type i believe, i have them in my family and currently have well under my mother's name, my family members kids. they are safe now. and happy. they miss their mom and dad. both of which were in jail. if you want any more help or ideas because we went through a lot of idea's and tried so much other things, just email me or instant message me on aol at lfis492a or on yahoo messenger at lfis492aa lfis492a@aol.com
2007-03-11 12:33:06 · answer #1 · answered by lfis492aa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow this is horrible. I'm sorry to hear this. Its sad when young lives like your relative are in such horrible predicaments especially when there are children involved. Instead of them going into foster homes would it be possible that she could give them to a trustworthy relative that would take them in and love the children as their own. I feel for your relative but in all reality she has placed herself in this position. I understand that she is young but she must keep in mind, to do what is best for the kids. If she feels that they will have a better chance at life and be happier with the state then let her do that. Maybe you or someone in the family can give her a hand until she gets back on her feet? also I suggest therapy and that she gets on some birth control or has her tubes tied...anything to help her stop having more kids! good luck
2007-03-11 12:32:57 · answer #2 · answered by ☆Ele☆ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to do what feels right to you. Why is it that the state won't help her? For the childrens better they need a place to stay warm and sleep in a bed and have food to eat, if they don't have that, I agree with the mom she knows that she can't take care of them, it is a hard thing to give up a child. If she had family that could help her, but can't do it for her. What I am trying to say is everyone needs to look into the best interest of the children, I know going to the state where they may not stay together may not be in the best interest, but also they need to be safe.
2007-03-11 12:36:35 · answer #3 · answered by Jules 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you take her and the kids in, so they don't have to break up the family? If you genuinely feel bad for her, this is about all you can do. Of course I would strongly suggest still having your state's Dept. of Youth & Family Services involved and for her to sign over some form of custody to you so that you can get some financial assistance for fostering the kids.
If she stays with you, too, set very clear and firm rules that she must abide by, to contribute to the household. It would have to be a 'tough-love' type of arrangement, but it sounds like that is exactly what she needs. I would also get her to Planned Parenthood to get an IUD, because it is the most effective birth control other than abstinence, since it lasts 5 years.
2007-03-11 12:25:59 · answer #4 · answered by HearKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a lot of sad stories to be told in a life time. I feel terrible for all of her children. However ... it sounds like they might be better off living away from all the dysfunctional life they've been exposed to already. I hope they will do well and grow up as strong and productive individuals which won't be easy with the deck being stacked against them.
I do feel that everyone is in charge of they own lives by the time they become young adults. Strong, intelligent individuals don't allow the mistakes of their parents to determine the direction of their own lives. We are all masters of our own destiny and hopefully all four of these children will break this cycle and go off in their own direction.
Good luck ... try to stay in touch with these children if you can ... perhaps when they're older you can share some of your own wisdom with them.
2007-03-11 12:40:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It just might be the best for children but it sounds tough no matter what and even if your sactioned you can appeal that issue. And just because he is incarcerated doesnt mean you cant get child support all they all his children. A request to warden to have his money in commisarry taken and any money he earns in their. There alot choices churchs out there that can help alot avenues I be more specific but dont know all details or area your in good luck also another family member can take ward of the children and they get assistence.
2007-03-11 12:29:50 · answer #6 · answered by jtucker70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might feel bad for her, but it sounds like unless you take the kids in, she really doesn't have any other choice - she's not able to provide for herself much less able to provide for her children. She's made some reckless decisions in her life and is now not responsible enough to make things work. Just support her in what she's doing, unless you two can figure something else out of all of that difficult situation. Learn from the mistakes of your family and strive to do better.
2007-03-11 12:28:28 · answer #7 · answered by HappilyEverAfter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just pathetic. Those kids should be adopted by people who can give them a good home. Sadly, she will probably keep producing children because she is still very young. She needs therapy, work skills, and birth control.
2007-03-11 12:27:35 · answer #8 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG...this is what happens when parenting goes wrong
the mom should have given her daughter up fro adoption long ago and we wouldnt have this problem now would we
Girl you need to tell your relative just cuz she opened her legs dont mean she can get rid of them kids!
I hate ppl like this..
Hoe need to get a job and be more responsible...
2007-03-11 12:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by erica p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the smartest thing she has done so far! Let the children have a chance for a life.
2007-03-11 12:27:37 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋