For Christians who do not believe in sex before marriage...?

Question

what are your 'boundaries' to 'how far' you will go with the opposite sex outside of wedlock?

My gf and I, who are both Christians, were talking about it and I was just wondering what other Christians, married and not married, think?

By the way, I am not being pervy, I am a teenager who wants to wait for sex and also does not want to get too physical with my gf. i am wondering bcos it doesn't explicity say in the bible what is right and wrong, really it is your own judgement.

Any (serious) answers would be gratefully received

To people saying 'why wait?'
I want to wait, firstly, because it will be a sin against God
and
secondly, I believe sex should be shared with one person only and when you do have sex with them, you should only be thinking about them and not about other sexual encounters.

Most of my mates relationships, at our age, deterierated after they had sex, mainly because they were not ready.
I do not want to run that risk

And for the record, I am not looking for loopholes, my gf and I have discussed this and do know our limits and, feel, we are always in full control not to surpass them.
I am just interested in the views of other Christians as this is not a usual talking point in congregations

Answer 1

Although there are a lot of verses in the Bible on the subject of adultery and fornication, it is your freedom of choice here that is being tested. Bible is pretty clear that even an impure thought can cause a lot of spiritual damage and make you feel ashamed of yourself afterwords.
I like the rule of "imagining you parents being in the same room with you" when you and your girlfriend are along. How far can you really go before feeling uncomfortable with your words and actions? Would you girlfriend prefer you to be respectful and caring rather than selfish and pushy?
I am not trying to preach to you in any way, but in my own life I found how great it feels to be in love and share this special intimate connection with your spouse only. It may seem like a dumb idea to the most teenagers out there now, but pretty soon it will be the greatest blessing to you and your family if you stick to what you know is true.

Answer 2

Kudos on your desire to honor your wife and seek counsel from others in your decisions!!! That shows incredible maturity!!

At my church, we don't believe in dating, we court. (see the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye if you want to know more about that idea) You don't get involved until you're pretty sure that this is the spouse God intended for you. The parents must both give permission before the girl is ever even approached about a relationship. The girl's father sets the boundaries, but they seem pretty standard. There is not much physical affection allowed. Almost all of them wait until the altar for their first kiss. (which makes for a pretty amusing wedding)

You may think that is extreme, but here's the reasoning behind it. I'm sure as a young man you are aware that you have a very powerful sex drive. One pastor gives the illustration of a truck parked at the top of a steep hill. Well, that truck is in park right now, but it has no brakes. When you start getting physical, it's like taking that truck out of park. It starts rolling and it picks up speed and there's no stopping it. If you start down that road, very rarely will you be able to stop it. It may not all happen in one day, but chances are, given enough time, you'll cross the line.

It's not to say that kissing is a sin, but it's a big step toward sin. We choose to set the boundary way back to avoid the temptation from going too far. We have to acknowledge that we are weak, and do whatever we can to flee that temptation. Honor your wife, maintain your purity. Awesome question!!

Answer 3

I think it depends on how old you both are. Kissing, caressing and touching etc with clothes on might be enough if you are both young. The further you go each time the harder it is to stop. Plus the next relationship you both have you will probably go further quicker. It would be very tempting to say well no penetration has taken place so we are not having sex but then you can go pretty far without it. There is an organisation called True Love waits aimed at young christians. There are others as well. Discuss it with each other and agree on a limit etc. The bible does teach that sex before marriage is wrong but how far you go depends on your degree of control I would say now.

Answer 4

Firstly my friend can I congratulate and encourage you and your girlfriend on your stand, God says them that honour me I will honour... You both are indeed doing the right thing.

I can see you have had many good answers and some not so good.

It is a good thing for both of you to set sensible boundaries for your relationship, because it gives you both a very clear line, which to step over would be wrong.

It is a perfectly natural thing for both of you to be attracted to each other in this way, but as Christians we know that it is also a tool of satan to cheapen and destroy relationships.

So what boundaries do you set, well that depends on you both, it may be that you should never allow yourselves to get into a situation where the wrong things can happen, or it may be a case for example as I read somewhere one time, any contact with a part of your partners body that you do not posses is wrong.

Obviously the physical boundary is necessary but I mentioned getting yourselves into situations where temptations can take control, if this is a problem then stay well clear from these type of situations.

Actually if your girlfriend is exactly of the same mind as you then I think, reading between the lines, you both have it pretty much sorted.

God Bless
JB

Answer 5

There is an old saying: Sex cannot build Love. Love can make sex fantastic. Marriage is the fulfillment of love.

In times past, a couple had to prove their fertility with a pregnancy before being allowed to marry. This is no longer true. However, that leaves society unsure of either fertility or Love between the two marrying, because there is no hard evidence.

Perhaps this plays a part in the present day divorce rates.

Answer 6

First lets say good for you in sticking with what you think is right and ignoring the peer pressure.
That said I am not aware of where it says in the bible that pre-marital sex is wrong (unless it's in good old Paul's letters which hardly count as the word of God, him being a fascist misogynist).
Lastly on a practical level, if you are determined to avoid carnal acts prior to marriage, I should try to avoid any temptation, as it is too easy to get carried away in the heat of the moment.

Answer 7

I have never had what President Clinton would define as sex, but that leaves plenty of room for pleasurable behavior that would horrify Calvinists (and give Thomas Aquinas a heart attack if he weren't already dead). I feel that there are shades of activity short of intercourse that are acceptable. These shades depend on your level of commitment and age. (Everything from a long kiss to oral sex).

The danger is in letting your hormones get carried away and taking you further than you are comfortable going. Decide before hand with your girlfriend how far the two of you will go and do not go past that (or change your mind) in the heat of passion.

Hope this helps

Answer 8

good for you for sticking to your beliefs and not bowing down to peer pressure!! there are many couples i know who are christian (and some who aren't,) they did end up having sex before marriage it's good that you feel you are able to discuss stuff like this with your gf as many couples feel they can't.

i guess it doesn't specifically say so the whole thing is kinda a grey area. the key is to not go so far that you are lead into temptation to do other things and go too far. you don't want to get too close to the boundaries so you get caught up in the moment and end up having sex. i guess for me this would mean not like making out naked, if you know what i mean.

Answer 9

No its Catholics, now regrettably there are fake christians, who do those issues and that's totally unhappy!!! It sould no longer be carried out, because of the fact we are actually not prostitutes, our bodies are holy and can in straight forward terms be for that one particular individual in marriage!! having intercourse before marriage purely brings alot of discomfort to the guy and confusion. They sense used, grimy and issues can worsen! Aman regrettably will constantly say its good!! because of the fact there minds are grimy and that's unhappy, enormously if at some point they desire to have young infants!! this might got here approximately to them and there aproving it!! Wait and do different issues, forget approximately relating to the boys, because of the fact there'll constantly be men everywhere telling you to pass out!! purely wait and lead them to objectives genuine!! and while your waiting ask Jesus to lead you to the best one and he will seem!!

Answer 10

The word is fornication, you should not be alone with anyone that is not your mother,sister, or daughter because any time two people are alone Shaitan will show up and he will whisper evil thoughts in your mind and before long you will be with the devil and not Allah (GOD). So guess what it is wrong to have sex and not married to that person!!!!!!!!!!!!