I'm 14 and already my mom is trying to make me hate her?

Question

I'm your typical teenager in a lot of ways. I love music, I have a MySpace, I procrastinate, and I like to hang out with my friends.

But I'm also a bit unusual in a lot of other ways. I actually like school, I talk about politics, I'm not a big fan of makeup, and I'm not afraid to say that I love my mom.

Unlike most kids & parents that I know, my mom and I are like best friends. Or, at least, we used to be. Growing up I never really had a dad around, and she was always willing to make sacrifices for me. I've always treated her with respect and vise versa.

She's had depression for a few years now. She does take medication for it, but the problem is, it still affects the way she acts around me.

My mom doesn't get sad all too often. But the thing is, her depression makes her angry a lot (and most of the time it's unjustified). One time I simply asked her to help me with my homework because I didn't understand it (she's always insisting that she help) and she took my notebook and told me to come back in an hour so she could figure it out. When I came back she handed it to me and said she didn't get it. I thanked her for trying, and she sneered, "Well, I didn't really try." And then went to her room and shut the door.

Or something may happen at work, and she'll take it out on me. One time we were taking the bus and she was just staring out the window distantly. I asked her (politely) "What's the matter?" and she yelled, "NOTHING! What's the mater with YOU?!"

Another time we were on an airplane that had TVs embedded on the seats. You have to pay to watch the movies, but the channels were free. My mom was just sitting there (she was in the row behind me) reading, and I was watching the free channels. An announcement came on that said that the movies were free for the day. But her TV wasn't working for whatever reason, and so she got up out of her seat (even though the seatbelt signs were on) and told me to get out of my seat and trade with her. And so, for the rest of the five hour flight I sat there with absolutely nothing to do. (My iPod was dead and I didn't bring any books. She knew this, though.)

These kinds of incidents happen a few times a week, and frankly, I'm tired of acting like the parent and having to be sensitive about her problems all the time.

Don't get me wrong, we have a lot of good times together, and she's normally really nice. But I'm tired of putting up with this.

Answer 1

She sounds tired. I mean tired inside.
I know when Im depressed I want people to leave me alone because I dont have the energy to deal with them. So when they dont leave me alone I get annoyed and mad.
The problem is you dont know when those moments come in her.
When she isnt feeling so down or depressed you might show her this question you asked and ask her how you can work things out so you know when to give her the space she needs.
Print it out if you can, or copy and paste it into notepad or wordpad.
You sound like a caring mature reasonable person and not like a kid at all. She is lucky to have you,

Answer 2

Wow you sound like one mature 14 year old! Your mom sounds like she has some very selfish and childish mood swings. This may be caused by whatever condition is causing the depression, (is she bipolar?) or the medication, or it could simply be her personality. At 14 there isn't a lot you can do here. Right now I'm thinking along the line of the medication isn't what it should be. Incorrect dosage? Maybe she should be on a higher dosage or a smaller one. Maybe the medication isn't right for her condition. My advise to you is to tell your mom everything you just said here and talk to her about her condition and the medication. Let her know you care and that you love her.
It is NOT fair that you should be playing parent so much. If at all possible maybe there is a relative you could go stay with from time to time to get a bit of a break.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 3

You need to tell your mom that you know it has to be hard being everything to you. Tell her that you always felt you two were so close and now you feel that she gets impatient with you and it hurts. Tell her how much you love her and depend on her. Tell her that if there is anything that you can do to make things easier you would do it. And ask her if there is something going on in her life that she isnt opening up to you with, as you notice that she is expressing so much anger towards you. Tell her you would want to tell her if you were in some sort of pain, could she not share that with you. Then hope with your plea for openness and she knows your pain she could reconsider taking things out on you. She loves you but she is going through a depression it sounds like.It will get better hang in there.

Answer 4

You said you aren't afraid to say that you love your mom. I think that right about now she needs to hear you say that often. She might be depressed. Gently suggest to her that maybe she should talk to a therapist, or her doctor. Tell her how much you care. And hang in there, you sound like a really good kid!!

Answer 5

Wow I am really sorry that this happens to you... I think maybe just try to do what she says and try not to let it bug you I know that would or will be really hard to do especially if your the only one there but I don't know what else to say.

Answer 6

You're a good kid, don't let what your mother is going through bring you down. Being sensitive towards her, doesn't mean you are being the parent, it means you have a good heart.

Answer 7

its a great challenge in your age....your mom facing some kind of problem you do not know so just try to understand thing some times.She needs you to understand her situation right now.