My 34 year old daughter and her boyfriend announced they were getting married in a few months time ,Well all hell broke loose when the other brother( his younger and only brother ) and his girlfriend found out they , my daughter and her boyfriend were getting married before them , the attack was vicious and they were given an ultimatum change the date or they would not be invited to the wedding .What I don't understand is how could two different months , three weeks apart , two differents churches miles apart , two different venues, and two different families interfere with their wedding .Their only reason is they wanted to be married 'first' do they honestly think that getting dressed up is all there is to a lifelong commitment .I have never heard such nonsense in my entire life. My daughter is only having a very simple wedding ,but she is so upset ,she would have liked a summer wedding ,what would you do ?
2007-03-11 11:55:57 · 16 answers · asked by MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
the two women in question have never even met , they are never going to be any love lost between those two .
2007-03-11 12:09:07 · update #1
They do not want the focus taken away from them .
2007-03-12 00:08:57 · update #2
The father is deceased and the mother took the younger son's side
2007-03-12 00:13:25 · update #3
Suppose a double wedding is out of the question? Only joking. Sorry don't mean it to be in bad taste. Certainly the younger couple seem very immature. However, as I said in another posting this evening when it comes to weddings some, especially females just seem to turn in to an alien when planning the wedding. They want the craziest things, say the craziest things and act in the craziest way. I'm not THAT old but I think in a lot of cases if the couple thought more what getting married actually means, instead of all the frills attached to it there wouldn't be so many break ups. So odd too that your daughter and her sister-in-law to be haven't met each other that the other girl is already being vicious and obviously jealous of her. What does your daughters fiance's parents make of all this? Hopefully they are giving their two sons a good talking to and letting them know family closeness is much more important than all this nonsense over dates. If they are being one sided or sitting on the fence it makes the situation very difficult. I don't think your daughter should change her dates but she needs to ask herself can she live with the fact her fiance is likely to loose his only brother through it? If she can, fair enough she should just start enjoying making her plans. Also wonder how much the brother is being 'egged on' by his fiancee? Usually to guys it would be six and half a dozen who married when. Majority of females always seem to have this intense power over their male mate. Sincerely hope all works out for you and you have a lovely time on the day of the wedding. PS Just read your last addition regarding the father-in-law to be being deceased. Hard one for your daughter, not that it should make any difference to her going ahead with the wedding but if her soon to be mother-in-law too is on the side of her other son within his family she is going to unfairly get tthe blame for this split too. If she is strong and the bond between her and her fiance is also then all will be well. However, if it was my daughter what would bother me was if this was actually going to have an effect on her that spoils the wonderful time she should have leading up to the wedding? Although stressful planning a wedding should be so enjoyable. Also is she sure in years to come her husband will not turn round and accuse her of splitting his family? It is amazing how somethings get blown out of all proportion by some people and think this is certainly one of them. The young couple have a lot to answer for.
2007-03-11 12:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is HER wedding, she should do what SHE wants. The other bride and groom are being immature about the situation. Your daughter had her heart set on a summer wedding, she should keep her dream alive. There is no reason the others should be acting this way. None at all. Tell your daughter to hold her head up high and continue with her planning. This is her day!!
2007-03-11 15:20:24 · answer #2 · answered by insomniacprincess2002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The couple who got upset first is being childish. They probably feel your daughter and her fiance are trying to steal their thunder, but it sounds like it just happened that they both wanted to get married at about the same time. Your daughter and her fiance shouldn't have to wait another year to have their summer wedding. The 2 couples should sit down and talk about what's upsetting them. If the second couple is still being childish, it's a shame but your daughter should do what will make her happy. good luck.
2007-03-11 19:41:14 · answer #3 · answered by K S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with the dates being close together. This sounds more like someone wants all the attention for theirselves. I believe this will work itself out. The younger brother and his girlfriend will soon figure out that without his older sister and her husband at the wedding, everyone there will wonder why. Then they will have to explain why they were so childish as to not invite the rest of the family.
2007-03-11 15:25:40 · answer #4 · answered by Busy Lady 2010 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i personally had this problem with my brother, i announced my engagement and set the date only for him to jump on the bandwagon and do it all before me, obviously i was upset but i got on with it, i think what you should do is either sit the 2 parties involved down and say what you have just said in you question to them, try to make the upset party see how pathetic it sounds when they reiterate 'but i wanna do it first' at the end of the day it should be the vows that make the difference, not who did it first, if that doesnt work then sit your daughter down and tell her that no matter what, whether she and he hubby gets an invite to the other wedding or not, its not the end of the world, just a fly in the ointment, i think that when it all blows over both parties will get married on thier chosen dates and everything will be okay in the end.
2007-03-11 12:03:46 · answer #5 · answered by alaniss2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think his brother and partner are just damn right being Selfish!!! They obviously want to make a stand about this and have all the limelight on them first!! If I was your daughter I would just go ahead with my plans and if it means that they dont attend each others wedding then so be it!! Does your daughter really want this sort of company to attend anyway!!! Tell her to go for it and enjoy her day!! Tell her to stand her ground and have the happiest day of her life, you will be there to support her so what more does she need. GOOD LUCK XX
2007-03-12 02:32:05 · answer #6 · answered by Jaksi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your daughter should get married when she wants - if you give in to childish people they end up taking more and more, and if she gives in it will be only the beginning - her brother in law will only find other things to be upset about, eg what if your daughter gets pregnant before her sister in law, etc? Will her in laws be angry then?? and these are things you can't control. The only person she should please is herself, and of course her fiancee. You would be surprised, if you ignore the childish whims of immature people how they just fall into line and stop making a fuss, because they learn quickly that temper tantrums and bullying don't work so they just give up. I hope she has her summer wedding!
2007-03-11 12:08:12 · answer #7 · answered by pstzqueen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your daughter wants to get married this summer and its also what her boyfriend wants what the problem, go ahead ignore anyone else its there life, you can not please everyone, so why try at the expense of your wedding day, and future happiness, best wishes and good luck.
2007-03-12 02:34:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The other couple should grow up. Your daughter and her boyfriend should keep their wedding date the same and if his brother doesn't invite them, the that's the brother's problem.
2007-03-11 12:21:13 · answer #9 · answered by Moon Crystal 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
shouldn't the other couple be happy for them? Besides, this means twice the joy within only a few months! if anything I would think helping each other plan their weddings would be a bonding experience. I think you daughter should continue forward with her plans. Your soon to be son in law needs to explain to his brother that this decision has nothing to do with him and that while he'd love for him to be there and to have his support, his childishness is not welcome. any 'adult' who acts this way is not mature enough to take on marriage. I wish your daughter luck with her upcoming wedding! she should in no way change her plans to accomadate someone else's jealousy!
2007-03-11 12:12:02 · answer #10 · answered by kerri c 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋