I am trying to get over an abusive relationship. Any words of wisdom or strength you can offer me?

Question

I have been trying to get out of an abusive relationship for one year now. I do very well everytime he hurts me, I always tell him never communicate with me again, etc. After time passes, he says the same things again. Not even sorry. Just I love you and miss you. I do not even love, not even like him. He is a nasty evil person, but I just can't let go. I can't afford councilling so I am looking for some words of wisdom and or advice. I just have the hardest time trying to figure out how someone tells me I am crazy, dumb, stupid, *****, crazy, but he still loves me?!?! I just don't understand. I know that's not love, but why would a person say those things????

Answer 1

he is a miserable, horrible, unloving and mean spirited person he does not love you, here's an old saying 'misery desires company' . you want wisdom? find somebody who will make you feel happy when you're with him, who makes you happy about being yourself. He will make you old and bitter before your time. Your face will show it.
this person will bring you down in life, eventually you will get headaches, mabey even stomach aches, you will lose your joy in life, eventully it will lead to depression, you feel you do not deserve better, that's your problem, these kind of men seek and destroy weak [or lonely] girls, they have their radar out for your type. why dont you like yourself?
would you let him abuse a daughter you had and loved--this way? of course not, so be your own best friend and get this loser out of your existence.

Answer 2

You are suffering from low self esteem, and he doesn't really understand what love is, and I believe he truly doesn't understand you as well. The one that needs counseling is him, not you. You need to progress in life and have someone who appreciates you for who you are. He probably grew up in abusive surroundings and doesn't know any better. You need to stand firm and tell him that he needs counseling on his behavior and that you won't stand for any more abuse. Some people feel that verbal abuse is not abuse, but it is. Abuse is abuse, even if there is no physical scares. Emotional scares are just as painful and can cause undo stress, which intern can cause physical stress. You need to do positive things with your life. I recommend you take a vacation, just you, no one else. Go to a health spa for a week or a resort. You need "you" time, and he needs help. If he is unwilling to stick with counseling then you may want to considering moving on with your life. I'm not saying he needs to see $200 an hour shrink, AA meetings or programs sponsored by your local mental health clinic are good too. I wish you the best, be strong, you are not alone.

Answer 3

Abusers operate on controlling their victims. The abuse will never stop and in fact, it will probably get worse. To save yourself you MUST get out of the relationship and sever all ties with your abuser. Don't see him "once in a while" or "sometimes." If you have children with him never meet with him unless someone else is present. He will tell you anything to get you back. He'll promise to change. He says he loves you. Don't believe him. He won't change. He will be OK for a while, then things will get worse again. Trust me. I know because I've been there.

You cannot get over the relationship until you get out of the relationship. It will be one of the hardest things you ever do but the rewards are worth it. Contact someone for help. Here's a link.

http://www.ncadv.org/

Answer 4

The problem could be caused by a number of things. How is his job doing? What are his philosophies of life: the things he needs in relationships and the regard he has for his partner? What line of argument does he most often follow when you engage him in discussions? What are his views about ethics of inter-human relationship? These are the things you really need to know. Often when a man tells a lady or his girl friend that 'I love you', he is indirectly saying, ' I need you to satisfy my passion'. If he really loves you, he will endeavour to change some of his habits or attitudes which hurt you.
On your own part, could it be that there are some attitudes you put up which hurt him too? What do you need in a relationship? To what extent do both of you agree on certain issues and what forms the major content of your discussions whenever you meet each other? Try to excuse him but he has to prove to you that he really loves you. If not give him some time and be on your own.

Answer 5

See if you can find a recovery group for people like yourself, coming out of abusive relationships.

The connections you will make at such gatherings will help you to remain quite strong, much stronger than you can ever imagine.

Such groups are normally held at churches but not always. Just do a search for 'recovery groups'. One that I know of I have linked below, but not sure if it is all over the place or not.

You need the support of others, and others that have been through and are experiencing the same thing you are, will prove quite valuable to you!

Good luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like a guy I dated a while back, he used to hurt me and then cry and say that he loved me, and he never do it again , I put up with it for two in a half years

guys like that have serious control and anger issues and are very dangerous. I got out of the relationship with the help of my family, surely you have someone who you can lean on.

Girl if you dont end it you will end up mental or dead!

Answer 7

Why waste your time on even thinking about the reasoning behind why he says anything. It's over, leave him alone, and use this time to work on yourself. Be thankful that you got out alive. As you know a person who truly loves you doesn not hurt you. It's best to take time and see why you choose that type of man so that you hopefully won't make that same mistake again.

Answer 8

i understand how you feel, because i actually used to be in an abusive relationship as well. we had dated for about 4 months, and the abuse started about a month into the relationship. i was terrirified to leave him because i thought he would hurt me if i broke up with him. my parents didnt know about the relationship, and only friends knew i was dating him. nobody knew that he was abusing me. i struggled with this for so long that i had an emotional breakdown. i couldnt take it anymore. although i was scared as to what he was going to do to me, i gathered my guts and ended it. the way i went about it prolly wasnt the best way. i suggest (if your parents dont kno) that you tell your parents about what is going on, get some cheap counseling from a church group, or recovery center. break up with him. if you stay with him, you'll regret it. even though i was with "him" for so short a time, i still have trust issues. get out of the relationship, and dont stand for such treatment. you deserve better.

good luck, and i will pray for you.

Answer 9

if your still dating him break up with him if he still keeps bugging you then tell him you don't feel the same way
and since he is a nasty person say it in a gentle,calm way
and make sure he's calm

and carry pepper spray at ALL times just in case he loses his temper

and then you can look for free counciling and if you can't find anything talk with someone you REALLY trust and will give you some more strong advice

and I don't think you need counciling HE does

also weapons won't help they'll make it worse
I use pepper spray as defense its probably last choice

Answer 10

If you can't afford councilling call your local hospital and they will give you a number you can go for free councilling. Almost every state offers it and few people use it.

Second- You just have to face the fact, he is mentally ill and doesn't get it. You just need to stay away from him and don't talk to him. Change your phone numbers and move if you really have to. But just get away!!