How 2 raise my GFs self esteem?

Question

My gf has no confidence for whatever reason. She always gives up way to easy and when she makes a mistake I cant tell her about it cuz she gets mad...even if its a small mistake. Life if we are on the couch and she leans against me in a way that hurts. I will gently take her elbow and move it slightly. She'll say am i hurting u? Sorry....and then sit up and stop leaning on me. Or she made cookies that werent too good....she asked me if i liked them I said they were alright.....now she wont go anywhere near the kitchen. When i first met her she was goin 2 school full time with a hard major and working 3days a week.....and i was atracted to a hard working driven person. But lately she has no confidence and says she is goin 2 drop out and work at Walmart forever, I dont want this 2 happen. How can i help her be more confident, Ive tried complimenting her sooooo much, ive tried yellin at her, ive tried reasoning w/ her, but nothing works. help

this also works the other way when she does something good I tell her but she doesnt believe me that she is good at it. I have never lied 2 her and I treat her damn good. I want this behavior to change cuz it is unattractive. What if we have kids and the baby cries....i dont want her 2 hold the baby for 5 minutes and if it is still crying put it down walk away and say I suck as a mother....u know? I love her a lot but I need a capable woman who can handle herself when she needs to and who i can count on 2 not give up and be there thru the tough times. Plz Plz help me

Answer 1

Low self esteem is tough. But it can be overcome. Especially with the help of someone like you, who obviously really cares for her. Low self esteem is rarely logical, so reasoning doesn't work. Complimenting doesn't work because low self esteem causes a person to second guess and explain away any compliment that is given. Yelling definitely doesn't work. The only thing I have seen that works is just being there for them... unconditionally. Let her know, as often as possible, how much she means to you. This is different than a compliment. When she does something that reminds you of why you love her, tell her how great that trait is in her, and why you think it's so awesome. And most importantly... be patient. It won't change overnight, and some it ways, it never will change. If it did, she wouldn't be female, and if females weren't insecure, guys would understand them. It is one of the many things that makes a woman different. But it's also one of the many things that makes a woman so alluring.

Answer 2

Sounds like you want to do the right thing and get her back on to a postive track...What you need to do then is come out with a positive approach and implement that approach. For example, with day to day activities such as making cookies or making anything, you need to tell her that what she made was INCREDIBLE(even if you don't think it was that good). Take it a step further too, not only tell her that what she did was incredible, but it was so good she should start her own cooking t.v. show with her recipes. This will build up her trust with you and she will start wanting other positive feedback in her life. Once she sees that she gets positive feedback from you when she makes an effort, then she will feel good and want your feedback in other areas such as school. Now with the school situation, don't force the conversation with that subject but bring it up gently and nicely as a friend. You don't want to tell her exactly what to do but you can motivate her when the time is right to stick with school. You can say, for example, if she's a business major or art major, " I can see you going far in the business/art world one day..." or something like that to make her see the future and be motivated. With positive feedback and enforcement you will be surprised by the results if you truly mean it and want to see her do well. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

TOOOO much drama. Find another girl friend. You aint married to her.