2007-03-11 10:57:29 · 44 answers · asked by missycpblonde 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
did HE choose your sister? or did his wife to be choose your sister? typically the woman chooses the bridesmaids. your age may also be an issue. you should ask him about it.
2007-03-11 11:05:06 · answer #1 · answered by kerri c 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Natural you feel hurt but think you should ask your brother why in a nice way as if there is an innocent explanation you don't want to end up hurting him do you? Take it from me as a mother who has had family weddings and another this July often all is not simple. In the case of a male normally the female has the most input (things like her parents etc paying the wedding although do not know the circumstances of this wedding) and she could have said only 1 bridesmaid from his family, this is very often the case. Now it could be for reasons like there are family, friends on her own side she would like to ask but either because it would involve too many or considers it too expensive she can't......where I live the bride pays for absolutely everything for the bridesmaids. Also think hard about the choices perhaps your brother had to make. Often it just seems to be 'the done thing' to have the eldest sister. Also have you ever been a bridesmaid before or more than your sister? Reasons like this could come in to his way of thinking or from his girlfiends input what would be the fairest way to choose. Being male the thought of giving you an explanation probably never occurred to him. If you have a normal brother/sister relationship I am sure he didn't do this out of malice and the explanations I have suggested maybe totally wrong. With some brides they seem to become a different person when planning their wedding and come up with the craziest of ideas lol........things like she wants her bridesmaids to be near enough the same height or the bridesmaids to have the same colour of hair or all the bridesmaids to have their hair long that it can be put up in the same style.....HONEST crazy as it seems things like this have been said by some. Try and not worry. Could you not speak with your mum about it if you would rather not approach your brother? I am sure you would have been a beautiful bridesmaid so their loss.....take care!
2007-03-11 11:59:57 · answer #2 · answered by Ms Mat Urity 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Like the others i agree it definitely wasn't your brother who choose your sister over u its obviously coming from the bride.. If its bothering u that much i would mention something to your brother but and the end of the day what good will it really do, because even if he asked u after your talk to be bridesmaid, i can't image you'd feel right about it and would probably feel like you pushed your way in, if i were u i would just get on with it but yes i too would feel hurt who wouldn't its an awful thing to do but i don't believe its your brother doing.. I myself am getting married this year and because my Dad's past away recently i need to find someone else to walk me down, but the thing is I've only 2 brothers and mom doesn't want to do it so I've decided to have both brothers walk me down cause there is no way i could choose between them
2007-03-12 02:12:11 · answer #3 · answered by BRIDETOBE 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would be hurt, actually I was. My brother was married in June and he had my sister and not me. Now my sister is 15 my brother is 21 and I am 25. So I am the older sister. I have 2 children of my own and I am married. My son was the ring bearer in the wedding. He did ask me a few weeks before the wedding to do a reading at the ceremony. But I was still hurt. So yes you have the right to be hurt. I am sorry, but maybe you should ask him or maybe your mom would know what the reason is?
2007-03-11 14:03:37 · answer #4 · answered by melodi_jean_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BOTH the bride and groom talk about who they want for bridesmaids. The bride has the final say, but the groom can choose as well. My fiance and I both chose bridesmaids and groomsmen.
PERHAPS what happened is they had the minimum number they needed. Which could especially happen in a big family. If you are not that close to the bride that could also be a reason. Bridesmaids are those who are close to the bride, and not just a relative of the bride or groom.
What if they have another position they want you to be in?
Until you talk to your brother and his fiance you'll never know.
2007-03-11 12:55:26 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you are perfectly justified in feeling hurt.
It wasn't fair that he asked one sister to be a bridesmaid and not you. It's especially unfair, since this isn't normally how things work anyway and the Bride usually makes her own choices about who will be her maids.
I would approach him about it and find out why he made this decision to isolate you.
Trust me, I know where you're coming from! When I was 12, my older sister got married. Everyone in my huge immediate family was in the wedding -- except me. I didn't even get a new dress for the wedding and they tried to hide me behind a groomsman in the wedding pictures. I was really hurt too, but since I was so young I didn't ask questions, and just stayed hurt.
Now I'm planning my own wedding and had to pick out my own bridesmaids. While I could have used it as an opportunity to get some great payback on my sister, I knew in my heart that making her a bridesmaid anyway because I adore her is going to heal the wound.
Best of luck talking to your brother!
2007-03-11 12:27:51 · answer #6 · answered by RaginCajun 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It's understandable but don't take it too personally. Perhaps they justed need an extra person or your sister is closer to her. I went throught the same thing but the opposite end. My fi sister were mad at me that I am having none of them in the wedding... problem is that I have 6 really good friends and their are 5 sisters. 2 real sister and 3 step. I didn't want to just have one in or pick real sister over step sister....
It's just a political mess!!
I wouldn't think much of it and besides now you don't have to spend a ton of money on a dress you'll never wear again, showers and all the other junk. You just get to be a guest and party :)
Don't stay too upset about it.
2007-03-11 11:03:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Its really up to the bride to pick her brides maids, but yes i can understand why you are upset, perhaps have a word with your brother and see why your sister was pick and not you it may be age, cost size if she is only having little ones, if this is the case why don't you play another part in the wedding, like helping with getting her ready on the morning or help with sitting arrangements, or if the bride does not want your help how about your brother, getting you to be one of the ushers.
2007-03-12 02:43:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not necessarily. She may be close to your sister and not you. Traditionally the bride chooses her bridesmaids and regardless of your relationship with your brother she has the right not to ask you. I asked my fiance's sisters out of respect and I thought it would be nice....it ended up being a mistake but nonetheless you should not be offended. If you were a boy it would be different.
2007-03-11 11:12:31 · answer #9 · answered by sjlova86 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you would be hurt, but it is his wedding and he has the right to choose who he wants to be in his wedding party. I'll be getting married in another month and I only asked one of my sisters to be a bridesmaid. I love my other two sister, but I'm especially close to my youngest sister who I asked to be a bridesmaid and my other sisters were able to understand that and be happy for her and me. Don't make your brother feel obligated to include you just because he asked your sister. Don't be selfish and make him include you, it's his special day, not yours.
2007-03-11 11:09:15 · answer #10 · answered by CJ 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Find out the reason why, are all the bridesmaids spots full? Does he have some other plans for you? Maybe he wants/needs you to be with and help the bride on the big day.
True he could have just overlooked you on purpose, but he could also have some other purpose in mind that he knows you will be good at that no one else could do.
Talk to him about it.
2007-03-11 11:04:11 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋