A man at work,who,up until a few days ago,I considered to be a friend.I heard a nasty (screwing coworkers) rumor about him while at lunch with other co-workers one day. I went straight to him about it,just to let him know there was a rumor.. He demanded on knowing who said what, and why, etc. I told him I didn't feel right naming names, and that I just wanted him to beware,as he is in the middle of what may be a nasty divorce..Before you all jump on me,YES- I now realize that I shouldn't have interfered at all, and should have minded my own business.BUT- He went to our Manager(Govt.) and they are trying to say that I am disrupting the workplace.All I meant to do is have a conversation with a friend.I guess he didn't like what I had to say(OR IT REALLY WASN't a RUMOR???) he got defensive and made the complaint. OH yeah...we really used to talk all the time and I considered him as close as my little brother! WHAT can I do now? NO-one is speaking to me. Have I alienated myself for good?
2007-03-11 10:41:19 · 7 answers · asked by juicy13500 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Make sure your manager knows that you went to this co-worker as a friend. Tell your manager that you were trying to AVOID trouble, but not cause it. Tell him or her that you will never do it again and that you realize now that it was a mistake.
Actually, I would have probably done the same thing that you did; thinking I was helping a friend.
Explain to your manager, explain to your "friend" if he will listen and do not say another word about it.
Good luck to you. I think you are being treated unfairly.
2007-03-11 12:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by Patti C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I learned a long time ago no one is a true friend or even a confidant in any workplace. No one has allegiance to you and no one at work cares about who or what you are when it comes to self-preservation. Always keep notes and keep your mouth shut. If you are with the government there is a whisleblowers program or an inspector general that is supposed to be able to keep them off your back. However, even then I know you will now UNOFFICIALLY be "not the right fit" for advancement in most cases. At the minimum you may not get the first choice at assignments or transfers or some promotions. There is an unwritten rule and if you violate it by going over someones head or by, in your case, trying to be a friend and then not giving up other info, your deemed possibly a NON TEAM PLAYER. In other cases you can be looked at as not trustworthy because if you did this to one person who is next. You should be able to go to this persons boss or the one he made the complaint to and explain what you have said here. If this person is involved or you do not feel comfortable talking with this person then go to a neutral employee hot line. Most likely either the other person moves or you move or change jobs positions if possible. If not then be in for a long uncomfortable career for a while. Next time just observe and keep notes for your own protection later. Good luck.
2007-03-11 11:01:18 · answer #2 · answered by Any Key! Push Me 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Keep your mouth shut and your head down for the time being. Do not discuss it with any other co-workers under any circumstances. If the boss makes an inquiry, then be direct and tell the truth. This will pass eventually.
I wouldn't try to apologize to the guy that was offended right now. Let him cool off.
2007-03-11 10:50:27 · answer #3 · answered by penhead72 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have learned that sometimes it is best to not listen to rumors. They are always nasty....and a cowardly way of putting another down. Think you have alienated yourself by listening to it and informing the person.....next time excuse yourself from the filthy gossip. In reality, gossip does disrupt the work place....imagine when the gossip is carried on by the Manager (but that is my world). Try apologizing to your friend, letting him know that you were wrong to listen to the gossip and even more wrong to inform him of such. Ask for his forgiveness. If it works, fine....otherwise you learned a life lesson!
2007-03-11 11:52:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ops hard one. First of all NEVER ever say anything about anyone whether it be true or false or hearsay in a WORK place, or neighbor because it will come back at you, no matter how helpful or disinterested you might be.
The worker is probably avoiding you because he might think there will be something else said or he might lose his job.
Please if you hear gossip just do it listen and NEVER comment on it to anyone. Thanks.
2007-03-11 11:05:21 · answer #5 · answered by Born Valentine's Day 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, in that kind of situation u consider him a friend so u hate to see people saying things about him.I would not alienate myself from everyone at this time.I would approach him and say that u are sorry about what has happened,that u consider him a friend and didn't want to hear rumors about him.After u aplogize,say to him i would not like to loose u as my friend ,but it is up to him to keep the friendship.If he says he no longer wants to talk to u then go about your business and it should make u feel better that u at least apologized and gave it another shot.
2007-03-11 10:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by gretta2u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I understand what you did and why you did it and he is mad because he got "found out". If I were you and you are worried about your job..go to your manager and explain and NAME NAMES tell him y'all were friends and blah blah and save your job.As far as anyone else is concerned I'd just go my own way this will blow over.No one speaking to you don't say anything to them.
2007-03-11 10:59:12 · answer #7 · answered by little3nikki 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋