So, I've done a lot of thinking today. And I've come to the conclusion that in order for my friend and her boyfriend and myself to actually be happy, I need to move out. Because asking her to hang out with just me is like pulling teeth with him. Not that its like a problem that we hang out, but then he gets upset when he doesn't get to spend time with her. Which is understandable. But, I no longer have my best friend. My BEST FRIEND. I have a room mate. And that hurts so much. And I don't know how to say this to her without her feeling like she has to choose. Which I know that deep down, ultimately she would choose Joe. Which, if that makes her happy, then I'm happy for her. But that requires me to lose a friend basically. And I dont know what to do. And yes, they've been dating for almost 2 years, so I do have to give that to them. But, she's been my friend for over 5 years now. I dont want to lose my best friend, but I also want her to be happy. What do I do?
2007-03-11 10:19:18 · 19 answers · asked by Kaytee 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
your a nice person to do that
2007-03-11 10:22:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friend wants you to leave b/c you're a third wheel, or the boyfriend is an issue, then she's not really your best friend. Best Friends stick together through thick and thin regardless of what pressures a mate puts on them etc...
ultimately though your own happiness is at stake, so if moving out is what would make you happy, then so be it.
I wish you luck in your decision..
2007-03-11 17:24:43 · answer #2 · answered by m34tba11 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might make it easier for all if you did move out. Right now it's three of you, which makes it awkward. If you had a boyfriend it probably wouldn't be as difficult. It's not like you've lost your bet friend- she just has more in her life. Maybe her boyfriend can hang out with his guy friends sometime & that would give the two of you some friends time. Hope things work out for you.
2007-03-11 17:26:27 · answer #3 · answered by silke 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to have a heart to heart with your best friend....to tell her that you feel it's time for you to move out. You can't ask her to choose because she will only resent you either way.
Saying things to make her feel guilty about having her boyfriend around will only cause tension between you so you're best to let things go on the way they have been or change them yourself by moving out. You can't have it both ways and someday she will come to realize the great friend she has/had in you and regret her own actions. You will find that she will be coming back to you hoping for forgiveness in time IF you handle this with maturity and sensitivity. RIght now, I'm sure she can sense the tension between you and her BF w/o you having to say a word and would much rather not have to have a "confrontation" with you about it or have to feel like she has to choose between the two of you. Your best bet would be to keep your chin up, move out and keep things to yourself for now. When she's not with him anymore or decides that she will marry him, she'll need you to be with her every step of the way to share this with her. When the shoe is on the other foot, I'm sure you'll wish the same thing from her.
All in all, the best thing for you to do is to be mature and practical about it and move out..not nessisarily on. This way, you'll still have your best friend and she will still be able to have hers.
2007-03-11 17:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to get rid of your best friend so suddenly? No one forces you to make that choice. You two just stay the best friends!
I am sure the girl can find time for both boyfriend and her girlfriend, you just need to feel when it's OK for you all three to hang out together, and when it's time to give them some space.
Believe me, she needs both of you!
2007-03-11 17:31:39 · answer #5 · answered by Wannaknow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, bestfriends should never choose a man before they're bestfriend
Because like my homies say Bro's before Hoes.
I mean one day he can up and leave her and if she already kicked your *** to the curve who does she have. No one.
Secondly, if he doesnt let her hang out with you (like how he gets mad) you should be more worried about their relationship rather than u and your Bstfrnd. thats a weird characteristic and one day he might start beating her ,or chop her up and eat her. Thats a sign of clingyness, maybe obsession, and shady.
all relationships need to have space. period
So you should address the issue with your bestfriend before you move out because that is unhealthy, the whole situation is. I mean living with her you'll get to see her, but when u move out, you'll never hear from her and lord only knows what he will do with his controllingness.
2007-03-11 17:27:03 · answer #6 · answered by CrUnKaSaUrUs REX. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it space. Go out and find new friends and keep the one you got at home.
You smartly reasoned that she is actually doing nothing wrong and you understand her priorities. You just need more buddies.
Never can have enough buddies. Do something new. Break out of your routine-rut.
Get a boyfriend yourself! Boyfriends are MUCH better than girlfriends :)
2007-03-11 17:24:21 · answer #7 · answered by John16 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your compassion, understanding, flexibility , and self-sacrifice is remarkable. Be aware that bending over backwards too much can break your back. I think you should talk to her and tell her your decision and why. If she is true in your friendship the two of you should have a good cry and you will move out. The lack of proximity will strengthen your resolve and the goodness that resides in your friendship.
2007-03-11 17:35:20 · answer #8 · answered by Monsieur Rick 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's just going to happen, and one day you will do it too. I suggest that you go out and find a few new friends and maybe find a few more things to fill your time... Find something productive, take a class, create some art, go bowling.... Be glad she has someone she loves and realize that she has made this guy her priority... it is a shame she wont balance her life more, but that's how it is, so move on. Sorry it is painful, but you will be fine.....
2007-03-11 17:24:06 · answer #9 · answered by bridgetkt 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out and start a life of your own. You are still friends. This way she can come hang out with you when she wants. And you don't have to worry about Joe's jealousy.
2007-03-11 17:23:29 · answer #10 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think of it this way, you really did not lose a best friend, this is how relationships go allot go this way, if you feel you need to move out then do so, but don't let this alone make you move out, keep busy do other things so they can have each other and what ever time they feel they have been lacking, find other frineds to go out with she will come around when she sees your having fun and she use to do it with you..Trust me it'll work
2007-03-11 17:23:51 · answer #11 · answered by Gina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋