My daughter.....?

Question

dated a guy for two years and they went to the junior and senior prom together after she turned 18 and moved out she said she broke up with him i believed her although she never cried about it but then yesterday my youngest daughter came home and said there were several text messages from him in her phone and they said " i love you" and "see you tonight" i trust my youngest daughter but i want proof i dont want to invade my daughters privacy but i want answers so i don't know if i should call our phone provider and get the lists that show all text messages that have been sent within the last month or if i should leave her alone and do as she pleases and if i choose to get the text message list how do i get it?

i dont like the guy she is dating or not dating ????? because i have seen him smoking, drinking and his dad has been arrested several times for growing maurana???? and they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree and in this case i agree

Answer 1

I hate to tell you, she is 18 and there is nothing you can do about her now. Just love her and be there to pick up the pieces when you need to.

Answer 2

All though you might not like the men she dates, she has the right to choose her own boyfriends. She dated him for 2 years in high school so why didn't you say something then? and why are you even considering going through her text messages? Would you like someone to snoop in your personal things? If you are really concerned with this boy and whether he's good for your daughter then sit her down and discuss it with her calmly. She might surprise you and answer truthfully(it happens) but if you snoop and she finds out I imagine she wont be keen to keep you in the picture in the future. In the end, it really is none of your business who she dates as long as they aren't "Natural Born Killers."

Answer 3

I'm not sure if you can get a list of text messages BUT why does it matter? I mean what is the big deal if they are together or not? They dated for 2 years in high school why should they break up now? Is he a bad person? Your daughter is 18 and believe it or not she is making her own decisions. If she messes up she will learn from it herself. Give her space and let her mess up. Everyone has to learn on their own at some point.

Answer 4

I thought when you receive your bill with most cell phone companies on the bill is included a list of all the incoming and outgoing calls as well as txt messages sent and received. You can also check online with your cell phone company. Online has detailed information about your account. As far as whether or not you should snoop into your daughters business, I guess it all depends? Does this guy compromise her safety? You weren't very explicit in your question but I have the sense there is a strong reason why you are concerned your daughter may be seeing him clandestine. If you are going to snoop, it better be for a good reason because in doing so you are jeopordizing the trust your daughter has for you. Sometimes we have to trust others for others to learn to trust us. It's kind of parodoxical. But I'm finding this more and more to be the case as I gain more experience in life. People who nobody trust, just assume nobody trusts them, and many times just continue the untrustworthy behavior. If you allow your daughter space to be trusted, as it sounds like you already are, she will be much more likely to not want to invade that trust. And if she does, it will work much harder on her conscious, then if she realizes you went behind her back and spied on her. If you do spy on her and she finds out, she may even use that as an excuse to justify herself sneaking around. So, it's a slippery slope. Goodluck

Answer 5

If she is 18 and out of your home not a damn thing you can do. Who cares that he smokes or drinks most teenagers do bet you'd **** if you found out precious was too. And as far as what his father does how do you know that the example his father set is something this young man does not care to repeat? And just because you HEAR something happened doesnt mean it did

And why was your youngest going through her cell phone, is she your little spy?

Answer 6

Why does it matter if she is dating him or not? Why would she lie about dating him or not? It does not seem you have anything wrong with him. But she is 18 but if you are paying for her phone I don't see why you can't check. I know t-moblie, I don't know about any other providers, you can check online to see how many minutes and texts you have used and who they were from. My dad still pays for my cell phone and he checks on there all the time to make sure I am not going over minutes or anything, and I am 19. I don't have anything to hide from him, but he says if he is paying for it it is his business. But it does not sound like she is doing anything wrong I would leave her alone.

Answer 7

i say shes grown and unless she asks for your advice or lives in your home (which you said she doesnt) then its no longer your business and as for that apple falling from the tree its bs my dad is a drug addict and ive never done them but ppl judged me my whole life over it and i couldnt fix him. and as for smoking and drinking as long as hes not using illegals and being an alcoholic i really dont see that as cause for worry my husband smokes cigarettes and i couldnt ask for a better partner one or two small legal habits dont make you a bad person

Answer 8

yea i kinda agree wit da 1st girl leave her alone she is already big enough n she will learn 4rm her mistake!
newayz i understand u too cuz u da mother n ur worried bout ur daughter well u should talk to her n tell her waz up n den u ask her why she didnt cry wen dey broke up (cuz she should of cryed bcuz dey were going out for 2 years)

Answer 9

Are you against the relationship? If so, then leave her alone, she needs to make her own mistakes, and you should not invade her privacy. As for your youngest daughter, she should be punished for reading her sisters personal stuff. Never invade your childrens privacy, it will ruin your relationship with them.

Answer 10

Your daughter is not a child anymore. I think you should let her live her life the way she wants it. At least you know the boy. Maybe they are not together, but became very good friend. Don't invade her privacy, cos if she finds out you did it, you can lose her trust forever!
Think about it!
Good luck!