How can I forgive someone who has been very bad to me and at the same time not be vulnerable again?

Question

If forgiveness means "all forgoten and a new start", but I know how that person is and I know he/she is not going to change, how can I protect myself.

What to do if that person is my mother?

Answer 1

I think forgiveness is essential even if you decide to limit your time with this individual. By witholding forgiveness to someone who has offended me or upset me, I find that I feel really contracted and somewhat angry..so I sort of start this internal drama within myself. The problem is I am only hurting myself and it resolves absolutely nothing with the offending person. However making excuses for another's bad behavior is unproductive as well because eventually they will hurt you again and you cycle back into the same place of do I forgive and take another chance or back off?...So it becomes a question of how do I respect myself, and at the same set healthy boundries with the offending person, while maintaining an open heart that is capable of forgiveness? I hope that makes sense? Unfortunately vulnerability and an open heart go hand and hand. It sounds like the only person who is doing any introspection on the issue is you. I would try to have a heart to heart talk with them and say something like this: Listen when you act in this manner ( describe the situation ) it is very hurtful. But I care about you so I am going to give you an opportunity to change your interactions with me. If this problem occurs again, out of self-respect I am going to limit or curtail my interactions with you.

Answer 2

Forgiveness means forgiving 70x7, which means always forgive or when you pass you'll be held accountable by the same measure you forgave others. Nobody wants to be there.

You can pray and forgive the person, without necessarily forgetting. Just back off from the person because you really can only control your own actions, not what others do.

Answer 3

well to tell you the truth think about it truly madly deeply first. is it worth forgiving if they will do the same damage again? sometimes forgiveness is not key. in other cases it is. is the person suffering the consequences? do they truly want it so bad? if not then its not worth forgivin. and forgiveness means a new start but never ever will it mean all forgotten because lets face it you cant forgive and forget.

Answer 4

Forgiveness does not mean "all forgotten and a new start" it means "not making the same mistake twice".
This person who has hurt you, wither its your mother or someone else, they have to earn that forgiveness. They have to prove to you that they are truly sorry and let you know they wont do it again.
The fact is, if you don't think they are genuine then there really is no place for them in your life.
Be happy babe xxx

Answer 5

Well forgiving someone and forgeting what they have done is easy but not letting it happen again is harder. But just have the patientence and don't worry if they can't change well at least you already know and you will make sure not to make that mistake again. But been vilnerable again is up to what you believe in people and realizing it will happen again if you let it.

Answer 6

I think forgiveness means I will not hold your past transgretions against you. I don't think it means that you can forget them or allow yourself to be vulnerable in the same way to the same person again.

Don't confuse forgiveness with ignorance.

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Answer 7

if you know he isn't going to change, why get involved again? Forgiving doesn't mean subjecting yourself to the same thing. Move on, sister.

Answer 8

hola! look forgive but dont forget. if you dont forget then you probably wont fall for it again. just remember the pain and if it ever happens again then move on with your life.away from this person that keeps hurting you

Answer 9

it's doesn't matter if this person is your mother or not, if he/she has done something that bad to you then me i wouldn't forgive them
tell them that you don't wont to know them anymore there will have to face up to that and don't feel guilty about all this

Answer 10

well it sounds like a bad problem but i think that you should forgive that person and tell them how you fell about it and see what happens from there good luck xxx