Help for attendants?

Question

Hi,i am gwtting married at the end of next year,the date hasnt been fixed yet,but so far thats all we are doing is talking about it ,and its getting me down,The reason being if everybody has thiere own way i will have 9 attendants..First and foremost there are my niece and nephew who are 3 years old ,and 18 months old now,then my fiancee has three little nieces of 3 and 4 years old ,then comes my couisins children who are 18 and 21,they are both girls ,then comes my other couisin who has a daughter of 21,and last by no means least comes my best friend who is 29.If i am being honest i would only have the little ones ,but beacause i was a flowe girl in my two coisins weddings,i know that they expect me to ask thier daughters as well.Please dont get me wrong they are very nice,and attractive girls.Ijust dont want to upset the apple cart,My mother says im to soft,as i know i am,thats how i was made. Any advice please?

Answer 1

This is YOUR wedding hun and you have the amount of attendants that suit you!! There is no way you can please everyone and the only person that matters on your day is YOU!! This always happens, interference and expectations from other family members. If you choose the little ones and are happy at that then I would stick with it and explain to the others that is your decision. Why should they have the right to be offended? They will be top guests at the wedding anyway so they arent gonna miss out on the fun. BE STRONG XX

Answer 2

Nine attendants is a lot. You really should have exactly who YOU want. I do understand it is difficult upsetting people, especially your mother. You have got to ask yourself did the people you are considering have 9 attendants at their weddings? At that time probably they could of had but had to draw the line somewhere. This could just go on and on as in if you have children is to be expected they will be attendants of your cousins, childrens, daughters? A bit absurd isn't it, someone must draw the line. Apart from being absurd the cost could be outrageous although I do suppose customs are different in different countries and even different areas of the same country. Here you would pay for everything for the attendants, dress, shoes, socks/tights, headress, hairdressing, even for the little ones and this probably would include a trial prior to the day and for the older ones professional make up person and a trial for this. Also you buy your attendants, bestman, ushers etc a gift. If you are the same you will require to be prepared for a real big financial outlay. Enjoy the lead up to your big day and don't let anything spoil it. You could just invite them all for snacks say you are only having whatever you want and put the names in a hat for the children and say the two that's drawn out are the two you will have . Or you could just have the mums if you think the children would be upset being there and not being drawn out.. That is unless there are certain children you REALLY want then just make up your mind and have them.

Answer 3

I agree with the answer above. Deep breathe. There is a lot to do with planning a wedding and I'd say attendants are not the most important. I'd start planning a date, booking a caterer and photographer and church/location (which usually involves changing your date a couple times).

Then after you've done all that focus on who you want as your bridal party. Your cousin's may have asked you to be in their wedding but that by no means says you have to ask their kids. After all, say you were in 10 of your sororiety sister's weddings. Would you be expected to have all 10, plus your sisters and husbands sister? No, everyone thinks a dozen bridesmaids is a bit ridiculous. You pick those you are closest to. Just b/c you were willing to be in weddings doesn't mean those daughters of your cousins WANT to be in yours. My husband happens to have over 50 first cousins. There is no way all of them could have been in the wedding party.

I don't think they will have as much hurt feelings as you think they will. Being a bridesmaid is expensive. But I think you have a lot on your mind (the early stages of wedding planning) to be so concerned about hurting someone's feelings. Put this off a couple months.

Just breathe. Your wedding will be beautiful and just the way YOU want it. Don't stress too much though. Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 4

only put in your wedding who you want, the others if you feel obligated to have them a part of your wedding, then give them other details, like hand out rice from a basket, or have them attend to the cake at the reception. trust me there are so many things that you havent even unraveled for something for them to do. look at the whole picture, not just the ceremony. and make sure that you and the groom have your picture taken with the rice holders, the cake attendants, etc. they will feel grateful that you included them as part of your big day.

Answer 5

It is your wedding - do what you want. If you just want little ones then justy have little ones. You can always ask the older ones to have other more grownu up responsibilities. Ask if they would do a reading/sing/be a witness/hold your bouquest because the little ones can't manage it/be your 'make up monitor' for the day and carry a bag of essentials for you - there are lots of ways of making them feel included and special.

Answer 6

This is where you put your foot down and tell people who YOU are having in the wedding party. Especially if you and your fiance are the ones paying for it.

You could always have only a maid of honor/best man and that's it.

Answer 7

Right, deep breath. Who`s wedding is this? If it was me I would decide what I wanted once I had done this I would invite all the people you have mentioned for a meal and calmly tell them of your decision. However they decide to react is up to them. It is your day and your wishes are all that matters.
Hope you have a lovely day just as you want it to be.

Answer 8

Say they can all be your brides maid and flower girls as long as they pay for the dresses them self's. Or just have the little ones, and tell the old ones that you feel it would be too much having them all and as you don't want to offend anyone you feel its best this way.

Answer 9

I completely understand where you're coming from!

First of all. This is YOUR wedding. Your special day...being a bridesmaid is an honour and an honour only you can give.

I wanted to have my two sisters, my boyfriends sister and my cousin (as we've grown up together). But my cousin is hyper critical of everything I do so was very wary of asking her...the crunch came when we were looking at bridesmaid dresses - I hadn't asked her at this point, and everyone else saw a dress they loved and I loved it too...all apart from her. She was the one who moaned about it and said it was a ridiculous dress. And that made my mind up.

Think twice about who you want...how they'd react in certain situations...and why you're asking them. If they react badly to you not asking them, ask them why. Then calmly just chat to them and explain your situation. If they desparately want to be a bridesmaid, then they can pay for their own dress! That's becoming the norm now anyway...

Good luck! And remember whose wedding it is.

Answer 10

have the people that you are close to in your wedding. doing things everyone elses way won't make you happy and you won't enjoy planning the wedding as much.