Why do you think my son has started behaving like this?

Question

Me and his dad have split up over a year ago, we were not living together although he would stay at our place 3 or 4 days a week.
My son is nearly 5 and I do realise that all this has had a tremendous effect on him, however I've noticed lately that every time his dad is about lo leave when he visits my son or when he's dropping him back, he gets very teary and makes all sorts of excuses to prevent him from leaving.
Sometimes he has major tantrums about something unrelated to dad's departure just before he's about to leave... i can see that he's unhappy about the situation,
He spends time with his dad on a regular weekly basis and thankfully we keep a very good friendship which helps matters, however I'm just puzzled as to why my son has started showing this unhappiness now, he tells me he misses his daddy but just after he's left because during the rest of time he barely even talks about him...

Any advice welcome.

Thanks

Answer 1

It is probably just because he misses his dad and wants to see more of him or he likes having all 3 of you together even if you aren't married. i suggest that you 3 try to do something 2gether if you 2 adults dont get mad every times you see each other.

Answer 2

Don't think it is because he loves you less but is starting to get to the age that he is probably really enjoying his dad's company. Usually dads are more in to the rough and tumble with their sons and probably if for example in a toy shop has great explanations about certain toys etc. having experienced some sort of version of them when he was a child. Also just after his dad has left it is still fresh in his mind what he has been doing and really still wants the 'good time' to continue. I imagine too his dad, despite rules laid down by you bends them a bit when he has him so he is also getting just a little cunning and knows 'mum's the boss' and he has to do what he is told. Thankfully it doesn't appear too serious a problem and I am sure at the end of the day despite loving his dad that if he caught a little virus or something and felt unwell or hurt himself playing it would be his mummy he would be wanting as No1.

Answer 3

i wondered, has he started school because my son is also 5 and i also have 9 year old too, they pick a lot up from other kids at school like mummy and daddy being at home or maybe he has seen dads picking up others kids at school, or even from conversations with teachers. Have you tried sitting down together (you and him and dad) and explaining that although you are not together dad isn't going anywhere as he may be wondering when he will see him again. or he could be just starting to realise that daddy isn't going to be around as much. But imo kids are actually really good at dealing with change and it may just take some time for him to get used to the new situation.
best of luck, it can be really difficult when it comes to knowing what to do for the best for kids.

Answer 4

Well done for having a good friendship with your ex because so many couples don't do this. I would sit your son down and talk to him. Explain that both mummy and daddy love him but they cannot live together. He is still so young and cannot understand why daddy doesn't live with you permanently. So just bear with him while he gets through this adjustment. It's never easy when couples with kids split up and the effects on the kids don't appear till later.

Answer 5

It sounds like a very natural stage for him to be going through. He is a little older than when you first split, so he is grasping the idea that Dad goes away. Have his Dad, and yourself just give him a little extra security and attention during those times. It is just a very emotional thing for him right now to see Daddy go somewhere else. With patience and love from the both of you (towards him) will get him through it all.

Answer 6

Well it could be that he doesn,t know how to express him slef to you and he is acting out the feelings that is going on in his mind when he has tantrums . For the last 5 years he has had him there for him as you and him were together but now he knows your apart he knows the difference then he feels that he might not see him again so quickly. So you need to reasure him that he will see him as often as before maybe his dad can call him in the day or morning . My mom and dad split up when I was 9 and dad used to call to talk to me it was nice as it was like it was personal betwen me and him try this and see.good luck.

Answer 7

A tantrum is an emotional outburst wherein higher brain functions are unable to stop the emotional expression of the lower (emotional and physical) brain functions. It can be categorized by an irrational fit of crying, screaming, defiance, and a resistance to every attempt at pacification in which even physical control is lost. The person may not stand or sit on their own. Even when the "goal" of the person is met, he or she is not calmed.

Usually tantrums are seen in children of the ages of 3-6 but sometimes 7-9; this is a very clear case of emotional disinhibition caused by immature forebrain development. People who have mental illnesses or neurological conditions such as autism are more prone to tantrums than others, although anyone experiencing forebrain damage -- temporary or permanent -- can suffer from tantrums. The most common ways to temporarily damage the forebrain are to poison it with a mood depressant (such as alcohol) or inhibit its functioning with lack of sleep or brain fatigue. Because a tantrum is most often associated with small children, it is often also colloquially known as a dummy spit, a reference to an unhappy baby spitting out a dummy, or pacifier.

From a psychological standpoint, there may be several goals to a tantrum, which may or may not be the "reward(s)" that are consciously desired by the person. To many outsiders or unskilled people, these goals may seem irrational, unreasonable, inappropriate, criminal, unethical, immoral, or the work of some spiritual force(s). To people familiar with or trained to recognize the psychological causes of such behavior, however, there are clear emotional, cognitive behavioural and biochemical correlates to tantrums.

Since there are chemical correlates to tantrums, some kinds of medication can minimize but not always prevent tantrums. This is especially true for those people with traumatic brain injury, which commonly affects the forebrain. In many situations, the tantrum can be a very effective political and social tool, especially for adults, such as police (Good cop/Bad cop scenarios), custodial officers, childcare workers, teachers, therapists and politicians. Tantrums are such common and powerful communication tools between people that some schools of acting demand them as an essential part of their training.

Answer 8

my mum and dad split when i was four aswell.
its hard these days as i dont remember much but i know i was effected badly.
I didnt speak alot when i started school and my confidence went down hill alot.
I think the older you get the more you think about the situation and understand it more. This makes you realise that your mummy and daddy aren't together anymore like normal families.
I would say speak to your son about it. Find out what he is feeling. I still speak to my mum about now and it makes me feel a whole lot better after i have let my feelings out.

Answer 9

sorry to hear that you and your ex partner have split up,
it will be hard on your son and no matter what happens just be there for him
your son is still young and will understand what going on
and may be your son wont's you and daddy back together
your son will try everything in the book to get something from both of you
you mite find that he will play you to get to your ex, and he will do the same to your ex just watch him and see
good luck hun all the best to you all

Answer 10

Its probably because your at home together and it triggers memory's as you used to be, I would try to avoid the situation. I would him dropped of at a different location and arrange to meet there, until he accepts and gets used to the fact that your not together any more, don't play happy families by going out as a threesome because your just building false hopes and prolonging the pain.It will get easier in time. Good luck.