How do I get my four year old to clean his room by himself?

Question

I try positive encouragement and giving him instructions step by step which result in me having to be in there for 20 min. helping him with each step (babying a bit), my husband does ultimatums which end in fights after an hour of not cleaning or crying after warnings. He feels that he's big enough to clean up by himself. Regardless, in both cases he cries and says he can't do it. We me it takes less time, but I have to help him with it each step. I tell him he can't take out too more than one set of toys at a time, but sometimes it ends up being more like 3 once the day is at an end and I've been busy with the baby. On Christmas Eve he cleaned up without us even asking, and at preschool he never argues with the teacher.

Am I asking too much? What are some suggestions?

He goes to preschool a couple of mornings a week.

Answer 1

Well it seems from your post that you are a tad bit impatient, like when you said it results in you having to be in there for 20 minutes and having to tell him step by step. That is your job, and he is only 4. At pre-school the teacher is there the whole time, giving the children instructions on where to put things. You need to have some patiece and don't expect things to be perfect. My children began cleaning their own rooms and making their own beds about the same time, and sometimes it was more messy than before they cleaned. At least they tried their best. There is no reason to make ultimatums, and threats. You go in there with him and make a game. Sing the clean up song from Barney as you clean. I think he is a little young to only be allowed one toy at a time. Their attention spans are so limited, that one toy is just usually not enough. You need to make it fun and enjoyable, no yelling. Make it a game and good for you for trying to get him to start early helping around the house. Oh and after about a year to a year and a half of supervision, and lots of re-cleaning after they were outside or asleep, they are very good at it. They clean their own rooms, make their beds every morning and clean their playroom. Now they earn stickers for their chores and get 10 cents a sticker. You could try that as well. Put up a chore chart and have stickers every time he does it without fighting or crying. Good luck

Answer 2

No, i dont feel you are asking too much.
I dont know any parent who can say they have never had a problem with their child/kids cleaning up and be honest about it lol.
One thing I have found to help and semi work is to sing a clean up song. I took that barney song "clean up! clean up! every body every where!" When my kids were younger it helped them get in the mode to clean up their toys. You can allso try turning it into a game. Like, ask your son if he thinks he can clean up his room faster then spiderman or and super hero he may like. My boys would race around the room like they were flying and making noise like the super heros.
My husband tends o say clean up or else and so I feel you on that end as well.
You can also take away some of his toys, the ones he does not play with that much and tell him as soon as "we" can keep all the toys picked up every day like big kids then "we" will bring in more toys.
The trick is turning it into a game rather then a chore. I know, easier said then done hugh? I'm having a hard time with my son, whos four not wanting to do it cause "i can't" or "i dont know how" half the time. Just try not to show that it gets to you or cave in and let him get away with not cleaning up cause it will only get harder as they get older. I made that mistake allready lol.

Answer 3

You do have to show a kid what you want, and you may have to repeat it. That is not babying him.
Perhaps he wants attention from you and that's what is behind the foot-dragging, so give him what he wants, attentioin when he is home. He is gone for much of the time in pre-school, right? So have a regular time when he is home that you interact just with him, or give him jobs to help with the baby and tell him how much more grownup he is than the baby, and make your older one feel important.
Keep your husband out of this. All that yelling, awful. Your husband's yelling is causing a lot of damage. Just get the room picked up in time for when hubby arrives home if he can't control himself any better.
Give your son some particular reward for picking up. Use charts and stickers, and be friendly if you have to show him once again how to do a chore. I know it's trying with a baby, too, but once you get this problem fixed, you will be so much happier. You have to put in the time now for that to happen.

Answer 4

I went through this same thing with my 3 yr old step son. Get a bin or box whatever you have around and take away ALL of the toys in his room! I did this and it worked. Best of all I told him they were going in the garbage and I set them outside. So now he is better about doing his chore. I also made a rewards chart, you can find ideas at a Education/Teachers store. Hope this helps!

Answer 5

I had the same problem with my girls, they never liked cleaning their room, Which i tried the same thing as in asking them to take one thing out at a time and putting it back when they wanted to play with something else, its not easy at first to get them to do it, lol...but after rewarding them, and them seeing me so suprized and happy when they did, they enjoyed that more, they even make me close my eyes and hold my hand walking into the clean bedroom now :) its cute but the reward thing helps at first, even if its a trip to the dollar store they still love it, Im not saying you should do that every time lol but in the begining its great!...then after they start doing it that way after a while, then you can reward them for KEEPING the room clean for a couple days at a time!...Right now my girls 4&5 are keeping it clean and enjoy cleaning it to(for now), i told them if they keep it up, ill get them a hamster or something later, but they need to keep it clean for anything else to live in it, cuz they dont like messy rooms, lol...but then you also can act like your throwing his toys away bcause hes not cleaning it(tell him) and just put them away in the basement or something(for a while)..they dont like that idea...especially if its a toy he really likes...hehe..it may help to change his mind if he dont want to do it..Then tell him if he wants his toys he needs to keep his room a little cleaner..it takes alot of patience but he'll get it, hes still little..goodluck! ~....

Answer 6

Walk in with a trash bag and tell him that if you pick it up.. it will go in the trash can.. or if he picks them up he can keep them.. tell him to choose which one he would like and see if that motivates him. I know it got my son to picking up his toys.. it took me to actually put some toys in the bag and I hid them for about a week. But knew from that moment on .. if he heard a trash bag being opened he better get started quick. Good luck.

Answer 7

my son is 4 next month and he messes his room all the time and the way i get him to clean up his room is say, "time to pack away". he got that from kindy and he never argues. but i always help him. it's our little one on one time. i try to turn it into a game by saying "i'm going to beat you!" it always ends up with us both in good moods