If you arent yet serious about the relationship should you tell him? But on the other end if you wait till you are serious it almost seems unfair as if you wait until he loves you too much to make an unbiased decision to stay with you. Its like, would his love blind him to making the decision for his own good or out of pity for me ?
2007-03-11 08:39:15 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I mean is it fair to him or is it making my private life too public if I tell him right away ?
I know its not my fault and all that etc. etc.
2007-03-11 08:41:01 · update #1
Something that personal should only be shared with close confidants who will help you through the pain until you regain your presents. When you are strong and ready to right that wrong then you can be public and work to help others in similar circumstance and work to get those sickos off the streets and put permanently where they belong.
If you do tell the boyfriend and he freaks out and plays the
self righteous role, dump him a real man will be there for you
to help and support you during you healing. Don't let this ruin
you the man was sick and there is nothing wrong with you,and
you will heal and sad as it is it can make you stronger. Bless
you and I am so sorry all my love to you and keep on going.
2007-03-11 08:51:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your choice. The you don't have to tell him anything if you don't want to. The only things that might argue in favor of telling him if you choose not too are if you have reactions to him based upon your prior bad expereince and believe it is fair that he understand your reactions or in the case that it is a serious relationship and you belive he would not go out with you if he knew you had been raped, but if that were the case you'd be better off without him anyway.
2007-03-11 08:57:38 · answer #2 · answered by Zarathustra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you had unwanted sex with someone is irrelevant to your current relationship. However, that being said, if the rape has left emotional scars, and I can only assume that it did, then he does need to know. Not in any detail, but he needs to know that you have been a victim, how it's affected you, and how it is going to affect him. Encourage him to read about what it's like living with someone who has emotional scars. Not only will it force him to make a decision about whether or not he wants to make it work, but if he does decide to stay he'll be armed with the knowledge and determination to get through the tough times.
2007-03-11 08:48:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you were raped then it wasn't your fault. But I would let the friendship get to the level of someone with interest beforee telling a boy about it. He will need to know at some point befor you get to close just in case he does have a problem and you feel he is not right for you though.
2007-03-11 08:49:53 · answer #4 · answered by saintrose 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you were not seeing him when you were raped, then that's your business, if you were involved with him at the time, then you should consider telling him. Keeping secrets are OK, but if you violate a trust agreement and keep it a secret, you run the risk of losing your sense of connection with each other. People are naturally telepathic, and you would need to build walls in your mind to hide the secrets behind. Intimate connections can only flourish if their are no emotional walls between you and your other.
Besides that, how are you doing?
Are you OK? You sound like you believe you are harboring a secret sin.
Why is that?
2007-03-11 08:57:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How would love blind him to making the decision for his own good? What is there for him to decide? Is he going to say - I think a girl that has been raped is inferior? That would say more about him than it does about you.
I would not put my business out there to be potentially spread all across the community. Not everyone is kind. You have to see how understanding a person your boyfriend is before sharing that detail about your life.
Personally I had more than one girlfriend who was raped or sexually abused, and it did not matter to me. A lot of us have female relatives who were abused (again myself included). It happens all to often, so we should all be more understanding.
2007-03-11 08:53:40 · answer #6 · answered by ignoramus_the_great 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don’t think there’s any reason for him to know unless you are beginning to get serous.
Wait until you have known him for awhile and you feel comfortable. I have to warn you that men sometimes say things that come out a bit harsh, not because they mean to be but because they don’t know what to say. So if you get to the point in your relationship where you feel comfortable talking about it, realize that he might not respond exactly the way you would hope. I think it is really tough for most men to know how to respond to something like that.
2007-03-11 08:53:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why tell when you are not serious with him? On the otherhand, be prepared if you finally confessed out of emerging true love. He might or might not reject you for it. Let's face it, there are guys who can't handle this thing. You have overcome probably the greatest challenge or test in your life. I think you would do well if he rejects you by your confession.
2007-03-11 08:53:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait until you get to know him a little better. That is a very private thing..and if you wait, he'll probably understand that you waited a little to tell him if you guys do get more serious.
2007-03-11 08:43:52 · answer #9 · answered by 1sweet lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Most boyfriends do not know how to handle this information. Tell someone that has already committed to not hurting you--a husband. It's not a question of being fair to the man or not . It's a question of being fair to yourself.
2007-03-11 08:46:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋