should i spank her?

Question

my 5 yr old keeps on swearing spitting and hitting her sister she is always yelling and being sassy do i smack or not

is no then what else can i do?

we spend alot of quality time together and i do try to time her out when she does little things but it never works her sister is always good at home its only at school she has a problem and we try not to shout were possible but i think the swearing is being picked up from school or somthing but when i spoke to her teacher she said she hadn't heard any one other then maddie swearing and that 4 other parents had complained that there children ha used the word **** or called there mum a ***** and when asked were it came from they said maddie says it or maddie told them to say it so you can see why this is a hudge problem for me!

Answer 1

YES, YES, YES

If she were my daughter, she would have been getting them a long time ago. However better late then never. Just remember the spanking it's self, only backs up your teachings. Meaning, if you want to spanking to be your most effective punishment/consequence there has to be a lot of talking, teaching, and communication before and after the spanking. This will help her understand why she earned the spanking, and how to avoid them in the future.

Swearing, spitting, and hitting are all automatic spankings in my home, yelling and being sassy may get a warning first.

Answer 2

Where did your 5 yr. old get this language from? The parents? Or somewhere else? Where did she learn the spitting and hitting? Is she in kindergarten? She learned these things from somewhere-and if at home, please stop this stuff in the home. If she learned at school, which she could very well have, that is a bit different. First, have you had a sit down talk (not lecture-talk) with her about this behavior, etc? If not, please do. Ask her where she learned it from, and let her know that just because someone else talks like that (swearing), acts like that (sassy, spitting, yelling), that you expect better than that from her. The best way to teach a child is by example. James Dobson years ago said when a child comes in with swearing, you talk with them, let them know what those "bad" words really mean, and then you can let them feel better about being smarter and not using those words. Because, they know the real meaning of the words. I don't know if this 5 yr. old's sister is older or younger than she is, but if you want to teach her NOT to hit, then don't spank her. I know it gets frustrating at times, but a time out for 5 min (1 min for every yr. old) should help her learn on that one. As for the sassy attitude, Let her know that is not how we act, or talk with one another. That when she does that, she will be ignored until she acts/talks appropriately-correctly. Like ignoring when a child has a temper tantrum-don't make a big deal of it-ignore it. Praise her for when she talks right, acts right, no hitting, spitting, swearing, or acting sassy. Compliment her when she does right. And, you may need to start off with a reward system (for about a month). An example, using stickers to put on a chart or calendar, each day she does right, she gets a sticker for each of these things she does correctly. So many stickers mean a certain reward (going out for ice cream, a trip to the park, zoo, etc.). It takes adults, therefore, I believe the same for children--3 weeks to change a certain behavior or habit. She will do fine-and you will survive this. I wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 3

cant believe all these thumbs down on the smacking.did you not get smacked as kids then? oh of course you were all angels right!!

sorry your having this trouble with your daughter hun, best thing is to ignore her, kids hate being ignored.maybe when shes hitting out, a little tap on the hands and a firm NO should do the trick

dont let her have her favorite toys until she learns to behave

good luck

Answer 4

I am soo glad my kid doesn't attend school with yours, I would definitely not react well to some little kid who spit in my child's face with aids and hepatitis being so much more common nowadays! I would not be surprised if your daughter gets kicked out of public school soon. You need to be the mom and make her mind. Stopping EVERY Single obnoxious or rude or even slightly recalcitrant behavior on her part Now is the only way you will get a normal child out of this deal. Spanking is required with a child like this. I do not mean beating her, but slap her butt every time she spits, bites, cusses, talks back, says anything mean, or in any way ignores your authority. You are not her friend, you are her mom. Be one. Also embarrassment is a very effective child-rearing tool. Make her ride in the baby seat of the grocery basket if she leaves you in a store, so all the other kids see what a baby she is, or make her get out of the car on the street if she refuses to put on her seat belt for example. At this age, they care about what other kids think, so tell her that all the kids make fun of her for the cussing and spitting, that they are calling her an animal and stuff. Mean, I know, but so is what sheis doing, and you will be doing it out of love. If you are consistent, not letting even one incident slide, then after about 2 months, youwill see a real difference in your child. My sister sent her duaghter to live with me for the summer, and I did this at her request, by the time I sent her home, I saw none of this behavior! She tried it twice when she got back home to her mom and dad, but I had warned my sister she would, and that she had to be just as firm as me. She did, and they have not seen the brat inside my neice rear it's ugly head in over a year now! You have to take the time and Yes, the TROUBLE to make this right now, before you run out of chances to fix your mistakes.

Answer 5

It sounds like you are frustrated, and I can totally remember what that was like when my kids were younger!

For hitting her sister, how will hitting your daughter help her learn that hitting is not good? What she learns is that hitting is okay if you can get away with it like Mom can. She she'll learn to hit when you're not around.

First, kids speak the way they hear people around them speaking so she is picking it up from family, friends, kids on the street or TV. It will probably be necessary to monitor the kinds of language she hears by turning off the TV or restricting what channels she can watch, by watching your own language, by not letting others curse around your kids. If she hears the language she will pick up the language and use it.

Children do what works, so if swearing gets attention- even if she's getting negative attention for being in trouble-- she will swear. When she swears be as neutral as possible with her and not let her see that it gets to you. Take the power out of it by not making a fuss over it. Later when everyone is calm, talk about how smart she is but how swearing makes people think someone isn't that smart since that's the only words they can think of to use. Practice some things with her that she can say when she is angry or needs attention.

Then think of a way to reward her for saying difficult things without cursing. Things like, "Wow! You were angry but you used very grown-up words and no curse words! I'm so proud ... let's work together on how we can solve the problem you were angry about." (Yes, you must reward them for doing what they "should" do!)

Set an example and be a role model for your child. Don't hit your kids or your spouse, don't curse, don't yell. It IS possible, although it does take effort.

Good luck to you. I can tell by your question that you're not convinced hitting is a good idea... you're right. Spanking is just a word we use to disguise the fact that we are hitting our kids.

Answer 6

I have to say this if you smack her she will only learn hitting is fine coz mummy/daddy does it, give her time out on a step, or even sitting in the corner of the room if you don't have stairs, but you have to be strong it's 1 min for each year of her life but if she moves or talks you have to start the timing again from beginning it does work I've done it with my children and thankfully i don't have to so much now coz they are all over the age of ten

Answer 7

Your daughter has certainly developed a real social problem, and she is definitely picking it up from someplace. DO NOT spank her! You'll only add being violence toward others to her bank of negative behaviors. When you think about it, isn't it ridiculous to think that hitting is an effective way to teach someone not to hit? It just shows that the stronger person prevails. The bigger you are the more entitled you are to be violent. Isn't that already the problem?
Return to the school and solict their help. That is what they are there for, to ensure that children receive a quality education by removing any barriers to that goal. Socially unacceptable behavior is a problem in the classroom. There must be a school counselor that is trained to professionally help your daughter. It might just be a matter of a few talks with her.
In the meantime, continue to isolate her from the family routine when she misbehaves. Five minutes per infraction is good. Don't put her in a corner, but don't put her in a place where she can entertain herself either. Don't blow your stack, but be firm. When she hits her sister tell her, "We don't hit in our family." and then put her in timeout. Speak to her about what happened when time is up and then drop it. Same for the profanity.
In time your daughter will give up this behavior is she doesn't receive negative attention from it.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I believe in reserving spanking for when the child is doing something that might result in them being injured - the spanking reinforces your explanation of WHY they were spanked.

In your case, the child is, clearly, out of control. You don't want to hear this, but you didn't teach her there are limits to what kind of behavior is allowed before this. What I would do is sit down with her and tell her that things are going to change and that you are going to institute a system of rewards and punishments (early bedtime, no dessert, no treats, whatever she views as a punishment) that you've taken the time to outline, and, then, I would stick to it no matter how loudly she howls. Once she understands that you mean to control the behavior in your home, she'll settle down - it will just take more effort on your part and time.

It's hard, yes. Very hard. But it's worth it - children need to know the boundaries if they are to abide by them.

Answer 9

I , like a lot of younger parents, have become a big believer in spanking. I think the no-spanking social experiment that started with the Boomers has been an utter failure.

I would tell her that that is exactly what is going to happen in the future when she does any of those things. And then most important--every single time you must follow through with a spanking. Believe me, eventually it will not be necessary to spank that often.

Answer 10

there is nothing wrong with spanking so long as your not truely hurting the child, a little fear is a good thing other wise we wouldnt tell children not to touch the HOT stove becuase it will burn and hurt them. Most kids arent hurt by spankings they are scared by them. And as long as you are not seriously hurting the child( they bruise, cant walk, cant sit down,,,ect ect...) I would use the hand and not a item as that is considered abuse and you may want to check to make sure your state hasnt done something stupid like pass an anti discipline law. If she is scared of getting spanked though she may think twice before doing those things