My partner and I just had an argument in front of my 18 month old, we both got angry so I took my daighter and me out the room and he went out, and I started crying in front of her. I feel so bad that she had to see all that and now maybe she is feeling confused.
What can I do to make it better for her?
2007-03-11 07:53:24 · 14 answers · asked by cigaro19 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Can I just add that this is the first time we have argued in a year and the first tiime we have ever argued in front of her. It will also definitely be the last.
2007-03-11 09:18:15 · update #1
It is never a good idea to argue in front of a young impressionable child, but now that she's seen what has happened, she is probably feeling very confused and even more so after having seen you cry. She might even think that your partner is 'bad' or something because he made you cry, you should explain what happened, not in too many details, but you should let her know what happened to prevent any horrible thoughts that may be going through her head. It is always a good idea to keep children informed, with their imagination they can create any reality. As long as you are honest about the situation without going into too much detail I think you'll be fine.
2007-03-11 08:07:57 · answer #1 · answered by Axel 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm glad you stopped the argument from escalating by leaving the room and your partner went someplace to cool down. Good moves on both your parts.
Children don't need to be exposed to conflicts, however they also don't need to believe that their parents are perfect. How you recover from this episode is going to be instructive for her. She is not able to articulate or even process what she is seeing and hearing, but all the same she is a little sponge soaking up information about the world around her.
Try not to make it a habit of crying in front of her, but again, she needs to know that sometimes mommy gets sad too. I wouldn't try to have a conversation with her about it. A good idea would be to maybe take a nap together and let her see you returned to normal emotional state afterward. You must be exhausted, highly emotional arguments are hard work. When you get up take her to the park or do something fun and silly together. That will do you both a world of good.
Let your baby see you and your partner make up later. If she hears, "I'm sorry," it will teach her that although people sometimes get angry and do some shouting that doesn't mean they don't love each other. It will also show her that it takes effort to resolve conflicts. Just make sure both you and your partner are ready to resolve the issue before having her around when you discuss the issue.
Don't be so hard on yourself. None of us are perfect. Now go take that nap.
2007-03-11 08:12:43 · answer #2 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel bad--I think every parent's been there. Chances are she wont remember it--I don't remember anything from when I was that age. I'm sure she'll be fine. Next time--and there probably will be a next time--do the same thing you did here-take her to a different room or outside. This will get her away from it and it will give you and your bf a chance to calm down. Then, if it's still an issue (a lot of times it wont be important later) y'all can discuss it later, preferably when the baby is asleep, and both of you are calm. Don't stress yourself out about it-your baby can sense that and will be more upset that you're not happy. Good luck.
2007-03-13 13:07:34 · answer #3 · answered by dmarie2101 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, try not to do it infornt of her again...
But then as 18mths old she will not know what you guys are doing but she can know you are hurt... why I say that because my son knows when I am unhappy and give me a hug ..
I also realise when my husaband and I wanted to start a fight or something, he knows and comes and stays in the middle and try to stop us before we start... so now days if we do argue we do it after he is in bed... as he can not see it and will not know... and yes sometimes is hard but try your best.... as they should not get involved at all in any way...
2007-03-12 01:11:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain that you both got out of hand it wasn't a good thing to do and that she is not the cause of it.
Don't do it again. Arguing should be done away from your kids, especially that young. Never argue where your kids are in hearing distance. Bite your tongue and save it for another time.
2007-03-11 08:20:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of dont worry about it, its natural for a child to occasionally see an argument, just make sure she sees you giving each other a kiss and a cuddle so she knows your still freinds.
She is still very young, so its proberly a bigger deal for you than her, to be honest. Chin up
2007-03-11 08:14:21 · answer #6 · answered by hayles 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't worry, shes at the age where she can understand atmosphere, but she wont remember this.
Try and forget about it, and stop hurting yourself over it.
Next time you have a Barney, make sure that your in separate rooms to your daughter. (Easier said than done I know).
Give her loads of love and cuddles.xx
(It happens to everyone)
2007-03-11 08:12:07 · answer #7 · answered by chloe 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well you should make everything seem as okay as posible in front of her... it's not good for children to see their parents fight- try to keep the fights behind closed doors.... good luck
2007-03-11 08:18:00 · answer #8 · answered by NewMommy!!! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its happened now so forget about it and dont let her see you arguing or upset again, it cant be nice for her x
2007-03-11 07:58:05 · answer #9 · answered by BscHons 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has probably forgotten about it by now. Dont worry about it to much.
I you know not to do it again.
2007-03-12 09:55:06 · answer #10 · answered by LadyDeville 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋