Am i just...?

Question

an unfeeling automaton? Because that's what i feel like, just an evil robotic machine. I don't know what to do, who to turn to (i'm to young to go get any real profesional help on my own) My brother died about 10 years ago...i never really knew him..when we go to visit his grave, everyone else cries many tears, but i can never shed even one. i try to act like i'm sad, but..
And now it looks like my grandma might die, and i can't even feel sad..
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!

Answer 1

I think you're being way too hard on yourself here.If you didn't really know your brother it would be understandable that you do not share the same sense of loss as other family members.You don't need feel guilty for that.
As for your Grandma-if she is elderly and in poor health I daresay there is a certain level of accepting that her health is on the decline and she may not have long.This gradual acceptance will lessen the shock if she does pass over. Until that happens though you cant judge how you will feel.
Loss can be felt on many levels,some people dont cry at all.Others are just good at coping with stresses and loss and seem to take it in thier stride.Doesn't make them unfeeling.
I pick up from your question that you feel guilty-look at it this way-the mere fact your expressing concern over what you see as a lack of feelings shows that you do feel -probably deeper than you realise.
Dont be too hard on yourself.Accept that you are as normal as anyone afterall no-one says theres a right and wrong way to grieve anyway.

Answer 2

I personally dont like funerals. Never have, never will. When family dies, i do the same thing. Dont look at it as a weakness, i use it as a strengh. I work in a hospital where i can be laughing and joking with someone for weeks, then they just suddenly die. Its become commonplace now. So much in fact, that even when family dies, its just like its a part of life. Use your standing as a strengh to help comfort others. Maybe you have family who piggy back off of your strengh. Maybe the only reason they are able to cope is because you dont cry. You seem to just be a tough cookie, not an unfeeling robot. Stay strong, your family needs you.

Answer 3

Nothing is wrong with you. Sadness is an emotion you feel for the loss of people who you feel close to or who are a big part of your life. Since you never really knew your brother who died 10 years ago, you have no reason to feel sad. I don't know what the relationship is between you and your grandmother or how well you know her. Perhaps the finality of it hasn't hit home yet and you may feel very sad when she does pass away.

Answer 4

Nothing is wrong with you. Some people just can't cry. I know I loved my father very much. One night about a year later all of the sudden, I started to cry, and cry and cry. Tears are a gift from g-d, after that the pain I had for the past year of his death was lifted, and I finally felt at ease in my heart.

As for your grandmother it is not a reality to you yet. Just like we all know we are going to die someday, we don't feel it. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Don't put yourself down. How can you expect to mourn, for a brother you never knew. You do not need professional help.

Answer 5

Nothing wrong with you. You are acting as you can. Shedding tears isn't "really" the way to show the grief.

When my grandfather died; almost everyone cried but me & one of my cousins. I lived 20 years with my grandfather & really loved him a lot; even then, not a single drop of tear. My other cousin, weeped, but on crematory ground, he was laughing with his friend casually.

Your grandmother shall die because everyone has to; thats why you might not be feeling sad. So, you are just normal...

Answer 6

nothing.. grief affects everyone differently so cry and some keep it bottled then one day bam they let it all out.. but you may not be either.. so you didn't know your brother well that would mean you don't have problem you just didn't have the close bonds brothers do. and you may not have a close relationship with your grandma.. i cried for my grandma but not my grandpa... i was close and did everything with my grandma but barely talked or seen my grandpa.. it affects us differntly... just think would you be sad to lose your parents?.. or some who is actually real close.. then you'll know if you have a problem.

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with you. Grief affects everyone differently. Doesn't mean that you have no feelings just because you don't cry. I suggest speaking to someone, a school counselor, help line, anyone of profession who can help you get in touch with your emotions. Good luck and sorry to hear about your brother...

Answer 8

You were too young at the time of your brothers death to fully understand what was happening. As far as your grandmother is concerned, you do not know how you will react when she dies. Maybe you will not be upset at all or maybe you will. You could have a different view about death.

Answer 9

It is possible you are detatching from emotionally traumatic events. The brain does this to protect you. If you are too young to get help on your own, then please ask your guardian to see your physician who can then refer you to a psychologist. NO THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. BUT- you need to work through these issues so you can live out the rest of your life feeling emotionally well.

Answer 10

No you are fine. You can't grieve for someone you didn't know such as your brother. And it's difficult to feel grief BEFORE someone dies. And some people just don't react with tears anyway. Don't beat yourself up over this.