Should I have known to visit enough they said it was not necessary when I called and asked?

Question

My mom went into the hosiptal and my sister who lives locally helped make things run smoothly. I called and asked my mother if she needed me to take a plane trip over and help. She said that she did not need my help. Now my mother is telling me that she wanted me to come and I should have known to visit anyway.

Answer 1

You need to point out to her, that you offered and that plane tickets are expensive and you would have had to leave you job, kids ect. Tell her you would have but your sister was there and she told you not to. THis is just me, but I would point out that she was being irrational and out of line. That is like telling your boyfirend or husband it is okay to go to the bar, then getting angry over it. It sounds very childish and like she is trying to play mind games with you. Don't let it bother you and make sure you talk to her about this, dont' let it sit, but don't take the blame either.

My mom is in the hospital right now in Phoenix, she fell and broke her hip and had to have a total joint replacement. My sister and brother both live in Illinois, I am in Arizona, just 3 hours from where she is. We aksed her if she wanted them to come, she said no, what could they do, they had jobs and kids and other things to attend to,I mean she was in the hospital, what were they going to do, sit there and watch her sleep. Also they would have had to get motel rooms and such. I am dealing with the therapy and doctors and such, because I am closer. It is just common sense. I don't feel a burden and they call her 2-3 times a day, sent her flowers and will come see her later on after she is out and recovered.

Answer 2

You must be selfish person. If a person, especially your mother is in the hospital no matter what anybody says I would have been on the first thing out of there. Your mom is right and I can't believe you let your sister handle everything. People say those things because they don't want you to worry but honestly they want you by there their side. Your mom must really be hurt. You should at least send her some flowers and a get well card.

Answer 3

I don't think so, a plane trip and leaving work is a lot of hassle and if not necessary shouldn't be done. It depends on the exact circumstances but generally I think you can feel comfortable in not going. It's wrong of your mom to say something like that to you.

Answer 4

Yes u shud of went......You didn't know if something worse cud of developed. Like others have said people say no because u asked and they didn't want to put u out. But she wanted u to make the decision to come on ur own. My mom passed 7 yrs ago. Yes I was there, but we all thought she wud be able to come home at a later dated. She didn't she died there. So be there for ur mom even if she says differently. You only have one mom & when she is gone u will be glad u took the time to be there for her. Hope ur mom is better now?

Answer 5

Explain to her that you were only doing as she asked. She did not want to there at first. She changed her mind and is trying to blame you, so don't fall for it. Try to talk it over with in her, in private of course, and in person. Your sis may have said things to her that aren't true. Weigh out the situation and try to keep the peace. You'll come out on top.

Answer 6

Then you should make it clear that you offered to come and help out, and even though your help was not needed, you are not a mind reader and she should have said soemthing to the effect of " No, we don't need your help, but it would mean so much to me if you could come and visit."

Answer 7

yes you shoudlve went

when people say no politely, it is a yes that they would appreciate it.

just like how for christmas people usually say they don't want anyhting, but they really do.