My boyfriend and I have not been together long at all, only 8 months and I am 5 months pregnant. At first he would talk about the baby, now he doesnt at all. Last week I started feeling the baby move and I got a big smile on my face. He asked me why I was smiling and I told him I can feel the baby move now, all he said was "oh" and turned his head. A few days later I asked him why he only said oh and he said hes not excited about anything right now, and that its new to me so I would be (he has a son already). I feel like since he has a son and this pregnancy was unplanned, and hes unhappy w/ this pregnancy he wont treat this baby like he should, and he will pick favorites (his son), which will involve him treating this baby unequally. Im wondering if I should leave him because of this? I dont want my baby feeling unloved by its father. Is this a bad situation for the baby? I feel like when the baby comes it will just cause more problems in his eyes. I need help w/ what I should do?
2007-03-11 06:24:39 · 15 answers · asked by FutureMrsBeck 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
He hasnt told anybody about this baby, his son doesnt even know. We dont get along as it is, and Im afraid of this. His son looks at baby porn (I found it on the computer, as young as 2 and 3 years old). Im afraid of my baby's safety. My boyfriend is already a big grump, its hard for him to get out of bed for work, I know he wont get up when the baby is crying. Im emotionally hurting and I want the best for my baby. Im afraid he wont give this baby any love. He doesnt even put his hand on my belly, or kiss my belly like a normal father to a unborn child would do.
2007-03-11 06:31:19 · update #1
And to you that say I trapped him...YOUR WRONG he knew what he was doing. We both knew what we were doing. I didnt climb up on top of myself and get pregnant! believe it or not we talked about having a baby, but we didnt know it would happen so soon. So to you people out there that say I trapped him, dont bother in writing to me about this!
2007-03-11 06:49:30 · update #2
his kid looks at baby porn and you haven't turned him in yet?
Excluding the pedophilia that is taking place in the home your boyfriend sounds just like my ex, we had two kids together and he was always grumpy and pissed off, he was verbally and emotionally abusive to everyone in the family, physically abusive to me. He is a story about he helped one night when our youngest was sick.....
Alice was throwing up all over the place and instead of helping me by either cleaning up the vomit or holding the baby, he sat on the couch with a beer while I had to hold her and clean everything up at the same time, yelling at me and her becasue he couldn;t hear his tv show.
He is an ex for a reason. You have a child on the way and you have to protect him or her, this situation of yours does not seem safe in my opinion.
2007-03-11 06:40:07 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cant say i am in the same exact boat but i can tell you that i have only been with my fiancee a year and two months and we just had our son on new years!! so the length of time is pretty much the same. I remember every time the dad got home and i was home at first he would hold my tummy to feel him kick and roll, but dont get too bugged cuz we feel every move and they cannot feel all cuz the baby is in you your body casing. But i am in a diff situation cuz this is both of our firsts. Did he really plan his last son?? i really doubt it. But if your not happy your baby wont be happy!! trust me they know now when things are wrong and they always will. ITS ONLY YOUR DECISION TO LEAVE OR STAY!! If your not sure leave, cuz kids who are older and parents seperate take things alot harder than if your seperated b4 they even have that time as a "whole" family. GOOD LUCK take care of yourself and the baby, the more you stress the more that could possibly go wrong for the baby!!
2007-03-11 06:37:25 · answer #2 · answered by abq505chic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe something deper is going on w/ him and he is afraid to talk about it. He seemed excited in the beginning you said. You need to sit down and talk w/ him. Let him know how you feel and that you are ready to listen. He helped create this baby and he should be involved. If he decides he wants out it'll happen whether you want it to or not. Make sure if you guys split he helps you financially support him/her. Try to be civil for the baby's sake if it doesn't work out. The more you two can work together the better for the baby. The whole other son thing is a little weird, how old is his son? He shouldn't be looking at porn of any age at any age.
2007-03-11 06:46:24 · answer #3 · answered by krispeds 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but I think you should leave him. Being together 8 months and 5 months pregnant maybe he's sticking around just because you are pregnant and he just might resent the child. Ive never shared this with anyone and I dont know why I am now but here goes. My husband has a 6 soon to be 7 yr old daughter {though she acts like she's 3 and crawls up his ***..anyhow} We tried to have our own child {I have a 13yr old from a previous marriage} and for many yrs it didnt happen. Then it happened when we least expected it and for some reason his attitude changed and it wasnt until our son was 8 months old {he'll be 10 months this week}that he was able to "bond" with him often refered to him as spoiled when he'd cry for me and not want dad. I told my husband before he ever called a baby spoiled he needed to look at his damn daughter. His daughter knew I was pregnant even visited me in the hospital when I was there for 2 months due to preterm labor but anytime his daughter is around its like our son is second best and he will jump to give his daughter anything but not our son. He lets his daughter do whatever she wants. She had just turned 6 a week after our son was born and he allowed her to WALK around the house carrying him until I saw it! Anyhow I love my husband and this summer when my stepdaughter comes to stay w us again if things havent changed, Ive decided to leave..For my sons sake..Yes at thanksgiving and xmas the same things repeated she was first, he was back burner..but when she's not around he's really good w him.. I know you didnt ask all that but I say if your having doubts...Fix them now your baby deserves the best.
2007-03-11 12:48:24 · answer #4 · answered by texas_angel_wattitude 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hmm. He sounds depressed actually, how you said he was a grump & trouble going to work in teh mornings. He doesn't exactly sound like Mr.Rogers. Ask him why hes lost interest, how he feels about your relationship & you, and the baby. Does he love you ect? Maybe stay until the baby is born unless the answers he gives you are unsettling then leave now. If he doesn't coem around after the baby is born, then leave & maybe try & get child support. Its not worth staying with him if you feel you and/ or your baby will not be treated right. Good Luck.
2007-03-11 08:12:55 · answer #5 · answered by Carly 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't tell him how to feel about it or how to act - his feelings are his. Based on your description, it sounds like he might be a little depressed as well as feeling overwhelmed with the added, unexpected responsibilities. Or, to be perfectly, blunt, he may not be as in love with you as he was initially. He's the only one who can tell you what he really thinks and feels. You just have to be open to really listening.
Even if you leave him, he has financial responsibilities whether he wants to accept them or not. He doesn't have to have a relationship with the baby, or with you, if he chooses not to. What you need to decide is whether or not you can handle being a single parent if he bails (or if you choose to leave). Talk to your doctor about resources in your area for single parents and get some more info about what your rights are and what services may be available to help you make the choice that's best for you and your baby.
Good luck.
2007-03-11 06:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by Jane 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'd say that in this day and age with birth control so readily available, that you made one of the biggest mistakes of your life there girl. Guys aren't into entrapment, and that may be what he feels happened. Sounds like the best thing that you could do for you and your baby is to leave. Just because he's going to be a father doesn't mean that he wants to be.
2007-03-11 06:36:47 · answer #7 · answered by karenhar 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Leave him. He is just causing you to be unhappy, and that is not good for the baby. If he comes back, make sure he is ready to love the kid! For now, I would look at your family for support.
As for those people who said she trapped him, she did not have sex with herself ok? He got himself into this!
2007-03-11 06:53:51 · answer #8 · answered by Silvia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well getting pregnant so fast he probably feels trapped or something... but tell him to stop acting this way, its his baby and frankly its his fault for getting into the situation so he cant really huff about it..
2007-03-11 06:29:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suggestion #1:
Stop being so stupid. We didn't know it could happen so soon. How old are you?
Suggestion #2:
All you had to do was say no from the beginning. You both are at fault here.
Suggestion #3:
Shut up, stop whining, take responsibility for your actions, and grow up.
2007-03-11 17:32:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋