My boyfriend is 30. I am 27. We've been together for 3 years. He is a good guy, very ethical, definitely not a cheater. The one problem that we've been having, though, has to do with his relationships with other women. While I think it's fine to make new friends, of either sex, I have a problem with him going out to 1-on-1 dinners or on day trips (like skiing for a day) with his women friends, whom I don't know because I've never met them. He does not understand why this should make me upset, and I have trouble explaining it to him. What do you think? Am I being irrational? Serious responses only, please.
2007-03-11 05:44:53 · 15 answers · asked by BananaGal 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
the only issue I see is why he doesn't want you to meet them. If they're so cool, why can't they meet you. Maybe because you guys aren't married yet? Or maybe there just hasn't been an oopportunity for you guys to meet. I would casually ask him to bring his friend over or tag along next time they do something..can't hurt. good luck.
2007-03-11 05:50:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no, you have very right to be upset. My husband doesn't even talk to other women unless his work puts him in that position. Well and at the stores and such. If he is commited, you should have at least met these women, and why are you not at these dinners and on these ski trips? I would say that if you can't go, he shouldn't go either. I am going to get a lot of thumbs downs, but I believe that when you are commited with someone, you don't even put yourself in the position to cheat or have something happen. Like going to a club, or bar without your partner. You should not even be where temptation could be, and never should your partner have to be uncomfortable. If he/she is nervous with the situation, then you need to leave that situation. This is just my opinion, my husband and I are happily married, with 3 children and twins on the way and both of us live by these rules. Good luck, but I think you have basis.
2007-03-11 05:50:24 · answer #2 · answered by Barbara C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"Good guy, very ethical, definitely not a cheater?" Your words or his? This is not a relationship, this is a man taking terrible advantage of a woman who seems to be in total denial. No man who has a girlfriend and is supposedly in a dedicated relationship goes on one to one dinners and day trips, that is just absurd. You need to tell him he either wants to be with you ro with his lady friends, can't have his cake and eat it too. Time for you to establish some basic ground rules, and the first, and most fundamental rule in any relationship is, honesty and consideration on the part of both partners.
2007-03-11 05:52:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong on this. However, neither is he. There is nothing wrong with hanging with people of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship as long as it is friendly. At the same time, I see why you have a problem with it. We make it so that it seems like girls and guys can't be just friends and alot of times that leads people to cheat on their mates. You need to know whether he is the type of guy who thinks that it can be just about friendship. If he is then there is no difference between him going out with a girl or a guy in his mind so you have nothing to worry about. It's clear that you think that 1 on 1 activities between 2 people of the opposite sex is usually sexual so the two of you should talk about it. You both seem to have completly different ideas on that matter and if you can't come to an understanding on the issue (if he is unwilling to stop going out with the girls or if you can't be comfortable when he is out with them) then you both need to find someone who is more like you.
2007-03-11 05:51:41 · answer #4 · answered by Vince R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not being rrational at all. I have the same problem, if I don't know the girl I have a problem with it, but if I met her and know who she is it is a different story, but I still would consider it cheating if he went to dinner with a person of the other sex, does he ever invite you to these dinners he has with these other woman? If not I would say he is probably cheating on you.
2007-03-11 08:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by celesta_palmer2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right. Explain to him that this means a lot to you, and it would help things if you could at least meet the girls, or maybe go with you to lunch or dinner. Tell him he's dating you, not the other girls. Tell him to take you out to dinner. If none of this works, then dump him and find a guy who's ALL for you and not other women. Even if they are just friends.
2007-03-11 05:49:16 · answer #6 · answered by ACTiNGisLiFE 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
no i don't think you are being irrational at all. i think maybe you don't know him as well as you think because your boyfriend of 3 years should not be going out on dates with other women you don't even know. you need to start asking questions and see if you can follow his next get together to see whats up. better to be safe than sorry. if they are just friends how come you are not invited. i am saying his behavior is inappropriate. how would he feel if you went on dates with "male friends" he didn't know. anyway good luck
2007-03-11 06:02:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This "guy friends" /"girl friends" thing has been played to death.When a person who is committed in a relatioship starts hanging out with the opoosite sex(especially if they are attractive) it is open season for them to try to weedle their way in and wait for a break up so they can have their turn.It is opening oneself up to temptation and playing with fire.He may not have cheated and then again you dont know unless you have been with him 24-7 and with him on all his dates.If he is going to continue this behavior, then you either have to trust him blindly and live with it "until death do you part".Or find another guy who is into you instead of multiple relationships.
2007-03-11 05:51:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you 100% he is not cheating on you??? It seems to me that if it were just friendship that he would introduce you to his "friends" and include you on some of these outings. I think I smell something wrong here.
I do not think you are being unreasonable at all...I would want to meet them and have an opportunity at them being my friend too...if he does not want this to happen, there must be a reason. Keep your eyes open...
be cool...
2007-03-11 05:50:30 · answer #9 · answered by CC Babydoll 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
no not at all, its completely normal to feel this, its just a matter of whether or not you truly trust him. just ask him to reverse the situation and see if he would have any problems with you going out and spending days with other guys, just to put things into perspective. :) i hope this helps
2007-03-11 05:49:43 · answer #10 · answered by Neil K 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋