After 2 children, how do I decide whether to have another child?

Question

My husband and I already have 2 children. My daughter is 4 with a birthday in May, and my son just turned 3. We are finally out of diapers; we are able to go places without too much hastle, and our daughter will be going to kindergarten full time next year. I have always dreamed of having 3 or 4 children, but now that we have 2 that are no longer babies, I am just not sure if I want to go through all of that again.

The baby stage was very difficult. I am a teacher and my husband also works full time. I do believe that part of the difficulty was that my kids are only 20 months apart in age. I keep going back and forth on whether to have another one. I think that because my other 2 are getting older, they will be a little bit of a help.

In my heart I would love to have another child, but my brain says that I might not be able to handle 3 kids and my career. How do I make my decision? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Answer 1

My wife's second pregnancy was so bad, that killed any thoughts for a third child.

I say, leave it as it is.

Answer 2

I am in the same boat (and I'm also a teacher) except I have 3 children and we've been going back and forth about a 4th. My 3 are all under 2 years apart, so when it came time for a 4th I just needed a break. I had finally lost ALL my baby weight and just wasn't ready to be preggers again YET. Well, now my youngest is 3 and it is SO much harder to take that plunge. I'm not great at the baby stage either---my kids aren't "sleepers" and I just find the baby stage stressful. Bring on the terrible 2's, it's the infant stuff that freaks me out! LOL
Anyways, if I was able to stay at home with them for the long haul I'm sure I would just do it. Financially though, we've always known I'd have to go back to work at some point. Because I am going to return to teaching in the Fall we've decided to keep our family at 3 and I've come to terms with that for now. I do wonder if down the road I will regret our decision though, so I do understand where you're coming from. Wish I had a magic answer---- all I can say though is "I hear ya!" :)

On a side note---I didn't think that going from 2 to 3 was hard at all. Now going from 1 to 2 WAS difficult for me. My older 2 are both girls and get along so well, so they would just go off and play and I wouldn't have to feel guilty about tending to the new baby. Once you're used to the whole multi-tasking thing, adding another isn't that big of a deal in my opinion. Everyone has different experiences though, and my 3rd *was* the best sleeper of the 3, so in my mind that could have helped to make it seem easier than going from 1 to 2 (my second was the worst---reflux, colic, you name it!)

Answer 3

Luckily you have a career perfect for parents. I had my second child when my first was almost 5. The age difference was wonderful- he is a huge help.

Things to ask yourself:

Can we afford another child?
Can we send him/her to college?
Do we have the room for another child?
Do we both want another child?
Would it be possible to adopt an older child?
Do you have a very strong marriage?

We immediately got pregnant after my second and I was convinced it was a terrible thing, that I was not going to be able to handle it, etc. We lost that baby @ 18 weeks and I realized just how much I did want to be pregnant and have another child. We are ttc #3!

Answer 4

its sounds like you have your hands full already but my mom has 5 daughters who are 4 years apart and the 2 youngest are 11 months apart. if you and your husband want another child the most important thing is to make sure u can handle it financally. having a maternal instinct will help you handle the rest. having children is a beautiful thing and your 2 children would probably be thrilled to help you with the new baby.

Answer 5

first you have to ask yourself if you can afford another one, you want to go through retirement without a new one to finish raising,if you do no longer have patience.and also,there aare online jobs for mothers who want to work and stay home with their kids.day care is not cheap.i have three kids,17 girl,14boy,and a three year old girl,i am done for sure. i am not working yet,i was before we moved to the smelly city. i do not trust anyone in the city to take my daughter to anyone.so i am planning on splitting shifts at home as far as hours at work and getting home so that we do not have to burden ourselfes to trust anyone. she will be going to school soon and that is the only way i will be apart from her. it just takes a lot of thinking wethe or not you want another one. maybe you shoudn't have another one. two is good three is enough. hope this helped out.

Answer 6

i ahve 2 children and even when there are older they are still hard work. you can only make this decision. me personally i wouldn't have anymore even if someone paid me. i did think about having more but then i think of all the attention mine demand (with good reason) i think that i couldn't fit another child's attention in as well. both my children are in full time school and i still wouldn't be able to feed my attention to three kids.

Answer 7

Everyone's different, but I would say unless you're 100% certain you want another child, you shouldn't have another one. No one says you have to have all the answers before conceiving, but if there's any question about the wanted status of a child, it's best to make decisions until you're sure one way or another.

Answer 8

3 kids is HARD. I thought 2 kids was hard, 3 kids is deffinately more challenging. Worth it, but yeah, it would certainly make your life a lot more strenuous. I'm an at home mom now......and its still hard! lol Worth it though.

You and your hubby just need to sit down and discuss the pros and cons of having another baby. And discuss how each of you feel about having another kid. And how soon you would like another kid, and the impact it would have on you all. Good luck

Answer 9

Things I would think about are...... can we afford it?

what if Something happened that I would have to take 1-2 years off work?............

Who has the medical coverage?............

What if i have a special needs child how will it effect my other children?.................

What if I concieve twins or other multipal is my home big enough?..........

What if my marriage ended or one of us were killed , Would I or he beable to handle all of the kids alone?

I know that is bad , but you never know what could happen. Im pregnant with my 3rd, and the outlook doesnt look doesnt look super, the dr. advised me to abort, but I couldnt so Im taking the chance. I have had to think hard who to give my children to " incase" The thought scares me .

Answer 10

This is for you and your husband to decide. The rest of us will not be there to help you raise your child. If you feel in your heart you want one then go for it. If you are not ready yet maybe in a year or so. You will know if you are ready.

Answer 11

I believe that you must pray about the decision. You and your husband need to have some very frank discussion about it. There is no right or wrong decision and there is not a "deadline" to your decision.