Question: I Apologized. He said, "F Your Apology"?

Question

I hate to look like an idiot but this is some ongoing stuff between me & this guy. The other day he asked to borrow $100, I sent it, then canceled it bcz I felt like a SUCKER. Bcz during xmas/my b-day, I sent him, his son & mom alotta gifts & sent him $$ once bcz he lost his job. He didn't so much as send me ONE CARD. Since then his son died. There's more to the story his son was ABUSED. I told him it's HIS FAULT his son died bcz HE wasn't doing his JOB as a PARENT & all the signs of abuse were there, he didn't do nothing about it & now his son is gone. He got mad & said nasty things, we argued for 2 days. Later my conscience bothered me & I apologized. He told me "F your apology". Now I feel like I made a BIGGER fool out of myself for apologizing after I argued with him in a NASTY ARGUMENT for 2 days. Why do I feel like a fool for apologizing bcz he said "F your apology"? What's to be said about him for replying to my apology that way?

Answer 1

Tell him " F your F" and move on..

Answer 2

Wow. They say there is no such thing as a fair fight, but you should have known better than to go there. If you value someone there are some things you should just never say. Telling him it is his fault that his abused son is dead struck this guy to the marrow. The relationship is, quite understandably, almost assuredly irrepairable.
When you said that you weren't expressing an original thought. It is one he is already struggling against in his heart. When children die, even for "natural" causes, parents always find a way to blame themselves, "I should have known, fought harder, found better doctors...etc., etc." You really hurt this man. It was totally uncalled for behavior. You feel bad for apologizing because you know in your heart of hearts that you hit way below the belt and there is no going back. He is already going through a really, really difficult time: lost job, dead child, c'mon. Perhaps he is very needy and not the ideal friend where reciprocity is concerned these days, but most people wouldn't be under those circumstances.
You need to do some real soul searching and perhaps take an anger management class so that you won't make such a "deadly" statement to anyone you care about in the future.
You were wrong.

Answer 3

It is obvious that he no longer wants anything to do with you, and he is stil mourning the loss of his son, what he should have done and what he did are two different things, sure you wanted him to be a great parent, but whatever his deal is it is not totally you, there could be some family issues that he is trying to work out, plus his sons death, that can put a lot of strain on a person and he will break down, after he has broken down if he chooses to mend ties with you then he will but it will be up to him to that, not for you to push him into doing, Don't make a big thing about what he said to your apology as it was out of anger and nothing more then that.

Answer 4

WHY would you want to be involved with this guy any further? He uses you for money. He couldn't take care of his son, to the point where the poor kid died - what makes you think he could remotely take care of you or your feelings?

While you may have been right about him being a negligent parent, there are some things that people are just not ready to hear / can't hear. He might never forgive you - he doesn't have to. Just use this arguement as a way to get yourself out of this situation - find someone who knows how to take care of the people around him and who can earn his own cash without mooching off of you.

Answer 5

First of all ask yourself why are you mothering him that much. Did you help him (on Christmas) to see his gratefulness to you or because you cared about him. If it is the second, than you must not complain about not sending you a card.
About his boy, it is a very sad issue. From what I can think, he knows very well that he has much responsibility about his child's situation, it hurts him deeply and any reference on these responsibilities is self understood that makes him angry since he cannot express his despair.
What is for no excuse, is his improper reaction to your apology. He should appreciate your move towards him and be polite - not to say, tender.
Anyway, do not feel that bad! You did the right thing. Now, he is wrong, he must come to you. If he doesn't show any tendency to calm and come closer, stop mothering him and let him face his life and his responsibilities by himself.
Most of the others' behaviour towards us, depends on our own behaviour towards them.
Wish you all the luck

Answer 6

It's not the apology I would be concerned about. Ask yourself what is good about your relationship with this man. You have the answers, he's shown you what he's about. Why do you want a man like this in your life? You said it yourself. You think his son died because of his actions or lack of them.
What's he doing for you? Giving his family money looks like you are trying to buy something. Their love? His love?
Stop with the money thing and find out your worth to all of them. You may be giving for the wrong reasons anyway.
His reply F-you says it all.

Answer 7

By the sounds of it, you were telling him what he NEEDED to hear....and he didn't like to hear the truth. If I were you, I would not have apologized. And I suggest that you don't send him any more money.

I'm sure that you giving him a bit of reality check and calling him out on him ignoring the signs of abuse, probably hit a nerve. Deep down he might know this is true, but he probably just doesn't want to hear it.

I don't know the whole situation, but to me, he doesn't sound like he appreciates you being there to help him financially, and to give him your honest thoughts and opinions. For you to send him all of those things for Christmas, and he didn't even give you a card in return--- sounds like he's takign advantage of you being a caring person.

I understand that you may be concerned for him because it sounds like alot of things are going wrong in his life....but remember, you cannot fix HIS problems. That's so great of you to be caring and try to help, but he sounds very ungrateful to me. My thoughts are, stop letting HIS problems stress YOU out and add chaos to your life....

You've done some very nice things to help....and even though you may have said some hurtful things, you were the bigger person and apologized. Keep that in mind, and move on.

Answer 8

You don't say what your relationship is to this person. But, blaming him for his son's death is all wrong. I was abused at a friends house, my parents knew nothing and never did. I think there is too much water over the dam now. Do not contact him unless he contacts you. Do not send any more money.

Answer 9

when we do things for people and they don't return the kindness, we get resentful . people know how life works, you do one thing for them and they do one thing back for you, an imbalance leads to one person trying harder to make something work than the other person. the other person learns they don't have to do anything to keep you around, you want it too bad. or more than they do. if you try to sidestep the rules, you get what you are getting. you feel like a fool because you showed him how much you wanted to work things out, he knows he doesn't have to and you will continue to try to make it work. like the old saying, if what your doing isn't working, doing more of it doesn't mean it will work any better, if you don't like what you are getting, quit doing what you are doing. stop what you are doing and let him make some moves toward you, you keep moving forward and he keeps backing up.let him move forward for a while, if he really wants it, he will , if he doesn't, you have nothing to lose.

Answer 10

After all you've done for him, he had no right to speak to you like that. The man has been using you and you are just too kind and caring and sensitive. I am the same way. If I were you, just terminate your relationship with this guy. He's no good for you.

Answer 11

Hello