I have had an argument with my son and he has stopped me from seeing my grandkids but the worst part of all is they live next door and if the children speak to me they get in trouble. I have always been close to my grandchildren and it is tearing me apart . Please can somebody help me in what to do as i know my grandchildren want to see me.
2007-03-11 04:47:39 · 11 answers · asked by SARAH 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i can tell you from personal experience. right now, my son is on a court ordered visitation with his estranged grandparents. i have not heard from him in 3 days, though he has a cell phone, and calls me about three times a day usually. the court ordered visitation against my wishes, though i am a fit parent. i spent 18k on attorneys and went bankrupt. it all started when my sons father died. they said they wanted my son to go to the funeral without me. i refused to send my son alone. the started a court battle that lasted over two years, and destroyed our family. whether they think so or not, my losing my sanity, job of five years, almost our house, and all of our savings has impacted their granchild in the worst way possible. prior to my sons fathers death, we had never had bad blood between us, never fought about anything, i was the one who gave them visitation. their behavior escalated to insanity, so i could not allow my son to go with them, nor did he want to. bottom line is and always will be: if you start an attack on a childs parents, that child will hate you forever. no child anywhere, no matter how you percieve the situation, will pick you over their parent. never. my son does not want to be with them right now. does not return their calls, looks forward to the day he turns 13 so he can tell the court he doesnt want to go anymore. when you force control over anyone, it creates these sort of feelings. it doesnt matter how much you love your grandkids, or how much they love you. you will destroy all that ever was between you by entering in the element of forced control and forced visitation. if you love your grandchildren, make amends with their parents. if you love yourself more than your grandchildren, enter into a court battle.
2007-03-11 05:04:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what to tell you, but I think you should talk to an attorney. Your son needs to learn that you are the blood relative of these children.
In fact you and your husband (combined) have contributed as much DNA to those kids as he has. That's right!
The courts sees it this way too. I think it is worth not threatening but actually going to court. What he is doing is not good for the kids. I would consider it emotional abuse.
I might add that the concept of always being the good and decent person by not doing anything in your kids/grandkids life because "later" they will respect you more, is baloney. I did it with an x and it took until my daughter was 35 before she understood. It's not worth the time you lose and more than likely at your age, you don't have that much time.
You know if you're decent. If you're not, don't do it to the kids. If you are decent and honest and your son is just trying to punish you through your grandchildren then you need to do all you can to prevent it now.
2007-03-11 11:54:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The situation must be intolerable with them living next door. I would go round and discuss issues with my son, he is so wrong to use his children as weapons, childish and immature. My life would be turned upside down if I was stopped from seeing my grandchild, I love her so much, but you cannot do a lot as you must have the childrens interest at heart and if they are getting into trouble if they talk to you then do not encourage them, they know you love them but they will not want to upset daddy. I hope it all blows over and you can be reunited with them, believe me I know how you feel. Good luck
2007-03-11 19:23:53 · answer #3 · answered by Kirks Folley 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im hoping this will blow over fairly soon so you can see your grandkids again. First go to your son and try to settle the argument, that would be best for all concerned especially the grandkids.
I lost my step grandkids in my divorce and it has really torn a hole in my heart. I know how you feel, I loved these babies when they were still in the womb and I will always love them.
Do what you can to fix this. You still have a chance.
Good Luck
2007-03-11 12:26:46 · answer #4 · answered by ncgirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Must have been a really big argument.
Can only suggest you think about what you said to see if it was fair, see how you can rebuild bridges. You may have been telling him something he needed to know but perhaps the wrong way.
Maybe what you had to tell him was a big shock and he is having trouble coming to terms with it.
Try saying to him it is okay for you to be angry with me but is it fair to hurt the children?
It is really bad to use the children as a weapon, but you have to handle this with more skill than the original argument.
Try to keep away from lawyers unless it gets violent then call the police.
2007-03-13 14:47:51 · answer #5 · answered by noeusuperstate 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing you can do but talk to your son exsplain to him how much the kids want to see you and its not fair on them they have done nothing wrong. you must have had a close relationship with him once as he moved in next door. keep trying.dont let the children think that you dont want to see them as when they get older and make there own choices you want them to know your around
2007-03-11 11:52:02 · answer #6 · answered by NICOLA G 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are many years ahead for you & your grand-children. If you stay in the right, never bad-mouthing, they will love you for that. They know inside what's going on; they're not little robots programmed to believe all their parent's tell them.
Trust in that. Stay sweet. Look after yourself, concentrate on your life right now, & look forward to that day when there's a little knock on the door...
2007-03-11 15:29:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
go see a solicitor. Grandparents do have rights. It takes time but worth it in the end
2007-03-14 13:43:23 · answer #8 · answered by Michelle 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to say but grandparents have no rights , unless your son is bad to his kids or taking drugs best advice go see a solicitor thay will tell you were you stand . good luck
2007-03-11 13:37:07 · answer #9 · answered by fafandloo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your son using drugs, cuz this is just absurd. Call a lawyer. Get a free consultation!
2007-03-11 11:51:43 · answer #10 · answered by geckosgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋