I have a 5 year old daughter and a 3 year old son as well. I lost my husband 4 days ago, and I am completely devastated. What can I do to explain this to my children? How am I supposed to be happy when my child is born? I feel so lost and alone... I know I need to be strong for my children and keep calm for the child inside of me, but I can't! I just want to scream and scream until there is nothing left. I don't know who to turn to. My family and friends are smothering me....pressuring me to relax....I don't want to relax. Please, does anyone have any advise? If you have personal experience with the loss of a spouse, how did you cope?
2007-03-11 04:22:59 · 18 answers · asked by cita8200 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I am so very sorry for your loss. My 1st husband passed when our son wasn't quite 3 months old. It was the absolute hardest time in my life. I never thought I would get over it. It was just terrible. I actually went to a widows support group for a while, but I found that completely unhelpful because all of those ladies were elderly and they had been married for decades. I was 21,we'd been married for a few months. It was my son who gave me the strength I needed to get through it. He kept me going. All I can say is one day at a time. No more, no less. I had a minister that I talked to quite a bit. My family was also very.......THERE.....ALLLLLL the time. lol But they're lost too. They probably miss him also, and now they're worried for you and your kids. And looking back, I really, REALLY appreciated all the help I got. If ya ever need to talk my email is kayzzzee@yahoo.com. I would be glad to talk any time you need it.
2007-03-11 08:43:50 · answer #1 · answered by ♥N,K,E&DJ'§ Mommy♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really sympathize with you. I lost my fiance three years ago.
You just need to cope in the way that you do. You don't need to take anyone advise on how you should act or feel. Grief is a long process. It takes a very long time to learn to live again. If you need to scream... then scream. Your baby will be fine at this stage. If you need to hit a wall or a door... do it. That is part of the process.
When the similar situation happened to me, I didn't want to be around anyone. I needed to be alone for a while. If you need someone to take your older children for a few days, that is okay.
I do recommend seeing a therapist. I didn't think it would help me but it really did. Sometimes talking to someone who doesn't know either of you is beneficial. You can say whatever you want and not worry about being judged.
You will never, ever get over the loss... but you will learn how to cope and live each day for the beauty it holds. I promise. It just takes time.
2007-03-11 06:18:14 · answer #2 · answered by hollilynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never lost someone close but my sister has. Considering it has only been 4 days since it happened I think maybe it's too early be telling someone to relax. I wouldn't think a normal person should be able to relax at this point. And your family/friends could be saying that cuz it's pretty hard to find something to say to someone who has just lost someone, even if it's a friend who also has lost someone, everybody copes different. In addition, try not to put tons of consideration into what they say. I know that they are your friends and family, but the bottom line is that YOU are the one going through it, not them. If you need to scream maybe you should. I don't know if screaming is bad for the baby, but I don't think all this extra stress from family and friends on top of the already stressfull situation is good either. I guess what I'm trying to say is do what you need to do to get through the situation regardless of what anyone else says, except the people who truly depend on your wellbeing, your kids. You CAN do it. The power of the mind is way too underestimated to say that you can't. Not to belittle your situation, but I'm sure that there are plenty of more horrific things going on to people all over the world and it's times like the one you're having now that makes a person stronger. Good Luck
P.S. It is my opinion that your husband is only gone from the reality that we are familiar with, not from complete existence.
2007-03-11 05:31:06 · answer #3 · answered by thefaz4371 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow -- I'm am so sorry for your loss. You are going through so much right now, I can understand you feeling like you want to scream!
Please remember that your friends and family are only trying to help you as best they can because they love you. You will need them soon, so TRY (hard as it may be) to be patient and tolerant with them.
Also, please see your doctor ASAP to make sure that all this stress isn't affecting your unborn baby. This is part of your husband and I'm sure you don't want anything to happen to it.
See a counselor when you can. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but a counselor can help you sort out all the feelings you will be having in the coming weeks and months. It will also help your children as they proceed through the grieving process.
Hang on to the fact that your husband loved you and your children very much and that he didn't ask to leave you. Memories, my dear, will become a great source of comfort for you, even though they are extremely painful right now.
I will keep you and your children in my prayers. God bless you, sweetie.
2007-03-11 05:31:17 · answer #4 · answered by Vicky L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there anyone that can take your kids for the weekend? So you can have a chance to grieve and cope with the loss of your love? This is a hard time for you, more so then for your kids, although it is hard for them as well, but now you have feelings that they are not having. You should find a family councilor that you can speak to and then bring your kids to speak to as well. And have a support system in place, someone to help you when your feeling like you can't go on. You know that your husband is watching over all of you and that you are a STRONG women! I am so so so sorry for your loss, please stay strong and safe for your babies!
2007-03-11 07:10:13 · answer #5 · answered by Kellie R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so osrry about your loss. I think that it would do you good to talk to someone. Have you considered a grief counselor? This is nothing to be ashamed it is just a way to cope. You have alot on your shoulders and you are getting ready to have a baby. You need to talk to someone so that you can get emotionally ready.I know that you don't feel like relaxing and honey it is okay to cry and be sad. You need to show your feelings not hide them. You need to remember that you need your friends and family and you are going to need their help when your baby comes along. Everyone has their own way of coping. Please consider the grief counselor. I work at a Hospice and we have a grief counselor and she has helped so many people. Also think about your pastor or any spiritual family that you have. I will keep you in my prayers.
2007-03-11 05:38:27 · answer #6 · answered by gaillee9 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your loss, but you have everything to be hopeful for, and you have to try to keep it together. Your family is worried about and for you. You cope with it one day at a time, take care of yourself and your children. Your grief, and your children's grief will get easier with time. I would get help from a counselor, someone you can talk to that is not going to judge you. Family is wonderful and supportive, but sometimes you need someone to listen, just listen and let you cry, yell, etc., and not think you are crazy or about to lose it. Take a deep breath, you and your children are what is important. There is nothing wrong with screaming out loud, sometimes it helps.
2007-03-11 04:35:14 · answer #7 · answered by stormzsecret 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through. Maybe you can tell your friends that you'll be more relaxed if they take on certain childcare obligations while you grieve the way you feel is right for you. I read somewhere to explain death to young children as "Daddy's body has stopped working. He doesn't breathe, move, eat or do the other things that kept his body working." I like this because it avoids the whole "If daddy's going somewhere, then let's all go too" issue. It's OK to feel bittersweet or sad when your baby is born. Other people tell us we should be happy, then we feel guilty when we're sad or angry. Best wishes to you and your family.
2007-03-11 04:33:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm really sorry for what you are going through. i've personally not have it ahppend and I pray that it never happens but I want to let you know that your children need you at this time. They are all too young to understand what it means. Could you have some family make them understand that Daddy is no longer there with us. Your baby inside need nourishment right now and I know its hard but you are almost on the last stage now. Try to keep yourself busy with things. Grieve for a few days and try to think of the baby who's about to come. Its a part of you and your husband. I know its really hard to relax and someone saying you to do that is not going through what you are but you have to keep strength for your children. Try to read some holy books if you believe in God. Please know that God is there and I pray that He gives you the strength
2007-03-12 01:26:49 · answer #9 · answered by Shanu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My prayers are with you! I cannot even imagine how you were able to cope with writing this all out for public consumption....If you feel that a good screaming session would help with this initial hurt, then you should probably head for some privacy and scream it out. Time is your best friend right now along with the knowledge that your husband lives on in your children. My love to you!
2007-03-11 05:08:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋