How do I explain this to my in-laws who are visiting soon?

Question

Scenario is: Mu husband broke his hip falling from a 18 wheeler car carrier back in may. The hip has not healed and he is goig in for total replacement surgery of the hip on Thursday. Inlaws are coming. problem is they helped us when he got hurt to the sum of $10,000. They have the money after selling their house and retiring to the country. We got no assistance at all so their money and help was wonderful. We refinanced to get out from them supporeting us and took out some cash on the equity. We are iusing it to pay bills until hes back on his feet but we did do some home improvements too...new plasma tv husband always wanted, new couches, new fridge and stove to replace the crappy one that catches on fire...a little paint here and there and some new drapes...I have 4 kids so my house takes a beating and I wanted to spruce it up. How do we explain that we did not pay them back the 10,000 but bought stuff instead???

They never asked us for the money back.....but I feel weird about this....

We never asked for the help but we did accept it when it was offered but not until after we burned thorugh all of our savings and I am still working two jobs to support the family....

I expected some backlash here but obviously i am not heartless cold person or I wouldnt even feel guilty at all! I have spent my last year changing my husbands pee bottles .......Some of the people here are way way to judgmental..and mean and nasty! Thanks to he people who gavce me real answers....

I used our money from the refinance to purchase the items NOt the money gave us. We lived on that money until our loan went through, but that is apples and oranges....

Answer 1

I do not see the need to explain anything, a gift whether it is money or material presents is still a gift. If they are not expecting to be repaid , then just do not say anything , if they ask about any of your new stuff , just say you needed it and stop at that. Hopefully your in-laws will be understanding about your situation and not say a word.
Sometimes it is better to just say Nothing.
No apologies are needed to say why you have a few new things.
Enjoy their visit, everything will turn out fine.

Answer 2

Before anything else, you were obligated to repay that $10,000.

They might be understanding about new furniture and appliances. After all, they were young once too and know what these things mean to a family. However, that plasma TV is going to put them through the roof.

What you need to do is explain to them why you felt it was more necessary to buy things for yourself than to pay off a debt. Be sure to use the words "selfish" and "thoughtless". Harsh, I know, but this is one of those moments where you need to do some groveling.

Then what you do is determine (with the input of the in-laws) a method of repayment that you can afford, one that will hurt just a bit as a reminder. You get it drawn up and notarized while they are visiting, and you start making payments to them immediately. Never miss even one, and be sure to ask that they forgive you. But you must first apologize sincerely.

***They may not have asked for the money back, but after blowing it on a plasma TV, they deserve to have that money returned. Their intentions were better than that when they presented you with the money.

By asking, you feel guilt about this. It's best to repay them.

***After reading your added details, I have to say that your family has certainly been through a lot. You were stressing out and the purchased items added a short-term "relief". We've all been there, even your inlaws.

Sit down with them, discuss all the options, show genuine remorse. How they react will depend on the type of people they are, but seeing as how you married their son, and that they gave you money in the first place, they are probably pretty nice people.They just might tell you that they understand, and not to worry yourself about repaying the debt. That's when you save up and send them on a weekend trip as a peace offering.

These things have a tendency to work out in the end. Good luck, and I hope everything gets back on track for you soon.

Answer 3

Your situation is an example of why it can be really awkward when loaning money to relatives. Here is what they should have done if they considered it a loan: They should have told you that it was a loan AND had you and your husband sign a loan agreement to that effect. If they didn't do this then I guess it is a "gift". If you feel awkward about them seeing all this new expensive stuff in your house, then you should begin immediately with a repayment plan of your own. From your question and comments I gather that you don't feel quite "right" about things, so for your own peace of mind, maybe a payback plan is called for.

On the other hand, if they said it was a gift with no strings attached (actually it isn't really a gift if there were strings attached) then it's your money and you can do with it what you want.

Maybe there's a lesson here for the next time?

Answer 4

I'm sorry, the inlaws gave you "good faith" money and you blew it on trivial stuff? Just because they had the means to do it at the time does NOT mean they are rolling in the dough!!! They gave you part of the money they planned to live on and you did what? Sorry to hear about the hubby and now that his medical bills will REALLY pile up, you have what to get by on? You really need to start thinking about the needs and NOT the wants in life. His partents can't and won't always be there to bail you out in the future. Sad...really sad.
If the purchases (tv) was recent you really should try to get your money back and make some kind of attempt to pay them back.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear about your husband and situation. My husband and I loaned some people a lot of money that were going into foreclosure and they had children. the foreclosure was stopped. However, when we went to visit a week or so later, they had all new furniture..meanwhile we were newlyweds in a 1 bedroom apt. sitting on the floor and had been saving our money..We never got repaid and learned a valuable lesson....Maybe, you could work out some sort of payment plan with them.

Answer 6

Sorry, but I would be mad if I were them. Paint is cheap, but a plasma tv, and new furniture is too much. You could have gotten good used furniture for alot less. I am 44 years old, have worked since I was 15, and have never had a piece of new furniture, ever. And I certainly would never buy that kind of stuff with someone else's money. Don't be surprised if they are less than impressed with your new stuff.

Answer 7

oh oh
thats a though one
to be honest. i would be really worried to.
they might be really nice and you say it just out the way it is and they say alright, it's cool.
or they might freak out ( i would)
if they aren't as easy going, no matter how you say it, it will cause a problem.
i mean it;s a big thing you guys did there.
so try to explain what happened but also tell, that you know, that you should have done things different.

Good luck

Answer 8

I'm sure they will understand. Explain to them that you wanted to fix up the house while you had money. Also, tell them that you will pay them back. If they are family then they shouldn't be so angry. Good luck anyways.

Answer 9

You need to face the truth - What you've done is very disrespectful to the in-laws. It's a little too late to be asking the question now.

Answer 10

wow that will teach you
sorry but I dont think you can explain your way out of that one...
why didnt you put their money into an account for such emergencies ... like the kids getting ill or something
sorry but im finding it hard to give any good advice here