did you check behind the sofa?
2007-03-11 01:46:24 · 23 answers · asked by Zen禅Maiden :ジェダイ 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Jesus found me, I didn't find Jesus. I was crawling around behind the sofa looking for orange-speckled gremlins, and Jesus called me and offered me a job in New York City. He asked me to replace an illegal Asian prositute who specialized in satisfying wealthy orthodox Jewish men who worked in Wall Street.
1st I got a sex change, and then I got plastic surgery, and I bought a shiny black wig. Then I watched a lot of Bruce Lee movies and practiced saying, 'Would you like cole slaw with your bagel?' with an Asian accent.
And I did this, all because Jesus found me. If I found Jesus, I don't know what might happen, but probably my head would explode.
Until then, I'll just keep working in my U.S. of A. ammunition plant until they close the factory and send my job to China. Ka-boom!
2007-03-11 03:01:22 · answer #1 · answered by Kedar 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Jesus was put here to help us to atone for our sins so that we could get into heaven. Have i found him? I have heard his words and see his example if that is what you are getting at. I think that he gives us a good example to follow whether we do or not well that is up to each individual to deal with that on his/her own. Good luck to you. Oh, yea i did check behind the sofa but all i found were some crackers and a rubber dart from my sons dart gun. peace to you.
2007-03-11 09:54:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I know Jesus! He is real and it saddens me to see how many of you are making a joke on his behalf.
If I didn't have Jesus, I would no longer be here on this Earth for I am lucky to have received more than one true Miracles by him.
It is now high time for all people to reach for him, we must take a stand, either HIM=GOD OR SATAN. We have, for to long now, ignored him and unless you're willing to walk with him, THE FUTURE WILL LOOK GRIMM! Why do you think this World is in such a turmoil?? I hope this is not so but, it seems that we have more EVIL than GOOD ruling us, WE MUST TAKE A STAND WITH GOD!
2007-03-11 10:03:14 · answer #3 · answered by SwissAK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You big silly, Jesus couldn't get lost behind the sofa.
I didn't know he was lost. I'm only guessing but he probably has a bitchin computer with wide screen Yahoo Maps so he never gets lost.
2007-03-11 09:56:41 · answer #4 · answered by valcus43 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I did search behind the sofa!
And I found my lost earrings.
Thank you.!! (that was a miracle...)
2007-03-11 09:54:37 · answer #5 · answered by Alice in Wonderbra 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Nope dont have one, but where is he if hes still alive (impossible). So he is probably all over Palestine as by now his body will have rotted away and be spread all over the place.
2007-03-11 09:51:08 · answer #6 · answered by clever investor 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i found jesus a long time ago, then i decided to play hide and seek with him, then i ran away with the Goddess and God and hes probably still hiding but me and the Mother and Father are having a great time without him.
2007-03-11 09:51:28 · answer #7 · answered by sr438 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Apparently James Cameron did!
HAHAHA!
seriously though....
I have found the teachings of jesus to be very helpful in my life.
EDIT:
Just want to say to Polgara...
Cool name...I just finished reading the Belgariad last week.
2007-03-11 09:52:45 · answer #8 · answered by chefzilla65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have found a potato that looks like jesus, does that count?
2007-03-11 09:51:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
"Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts..."
(2 Peter 3:3)
Thanks for proving that the scriptures are true.
2007-03-11 09:53:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋