i have a 16 year old daughter we have a good father/daughter relationship i want her to keep...?

Question

i want her to keep it up but seems to be slowly slipping away !how can i keep this from happening ? i need to know what is going on in her life without making her push away harder. in other words when she has a problem i want her to run to me to help not just her friends who have given her bad advice in the past .

Answer 1

Hi, My name is April. I can say with 100% certainty that I know what you must be feeling. I am 39 yrs old and my father was killed 14 years ago, Feb. 20th of this year. I was Daddy's girl. I started off as a heck of a tom girl, hooking school and going fishing w/ my father, racing at Summitt Point Raceway w/ him, and, I guess you could say, against him. After all, we were racing! I loved all of our talks and walks at the toepath, and just absorbing all that I could from him. Well, this all changed for us when I became a teenager, 16 to be exact. 16 was a very tough age for me. Dad was no longer the buddy that I always had, wanted, and so needed in my life. After I became a " young lady", so to speak, everything changed. He felt as though my 1st love was a threat to our relationship instead of a good addition to it. This caused rifts between us that I still cry about today. He did a lot of Top Secret work for the government, had to work in Germany, Boston, and many other places and was not allowed to talk about his work. As I'm sure you can imagine, that in its self put a huge strain on our relationship and the relationship of the family as well. I was never able to say so many things that I needed to say before he was killed. The rifts became ocean wide and our relationship grew further and further apart. Long story short, he Pushed Me away. The more that he pulled me towards him, the harder and faster I ran in the other direction. No one could tell me anything that I would listen to, except the worst advice from some of my "so called friends". Sound familiar? Just as you are wanting to know what is going on in your daughters life, my father wanted to know what was going on in my life. I wish that I could turn the hands of time back. I always wanted my father to know what was happening in my life when I was 16 but, @ 16, you think that you know so much more than you actually do, and you are damned if you are going to reveal that to your dad! Your tuff, you can handle anything, your invincable! Bull, Bull, Bull, Sh_ t !!! You would never dream of letting your father know that you WANTED him to know what was going on in your life. Take it from one who has been there, please. I also OD'd @ the age of 16, for the 1st time, and yes, I wanted my father to know but, I was too afraid to tell him or to tell anyone for that matter. I can relate to what you are going through so much that I felt that I needed to be as honest as I can be with you, that is why I disclosed a very private part of my life to you. Please know that your daughter is going through a really tough time and, I know that you are going through an even tougher time. I am a proud mom of two boys, soon to be 15 & 19 yrs old. Being a parent now for almost 19 yrs, I have lived both sides of the spectrum, in my 39 years. I know that you don't want to push your daughter away and I commend you so much for seeking advice re: your relationship with her. I wish that my father had been able to do the same. Please try not to over push. I know that this is so much easier said than done. Let her know that no matter what, you are always there for her to come to. If she needs or wants to talk, cry, laugh, or simply have a hug from Dad and sit quietly, without saying a word. Let her know, that you know that she has friends and you respect that and you respect the fact that they are there for her and try to advice her but, at the same, you are her father and you have experiences in life that she has not even begun to imagine and you have more accurate advice than her peers, due to life, age, and experiences, and given the opportunity, you would love to be given the chance and time to give her some of your perspective of life and what you feel that she may be experiencing and what your advice to her would be. Tell her that you just want a chance to make sure that the lines of communication are always open between the two of you. In addition to that, if things do go smoother than you probably think they will, please let her know that she is more than welcome to contact me, if , and only if, you choose to tell her or show her this. If nothing else, please make a copy of this or save in a special file. One day, she will run back to you and I feel that it would be a great idea if she were able to read this one day. She will never be able to deny the fact that her father loves her and cares about her so much, that he went online to ask for advice, to make sure that he does everything that he possibly can for his (your) Daughter! I highly respect you for seeking advice and not being too proud to do so! Too many people take too much for granted in life! Thank God for Parents like you!!!! I wish you nothing but the very best! Sincerely, Apey GLA's! (GLA's = Good Luck Always !)

Answer 2

It is natural for your daughter to pull away at this time in her life. She is just discovering who she is as a woman and that is new territory for her to share with you. If you sincerely have a good relationship she will come to you when she needs to. After sixteen years you pretty much know her so relax. You have raised a good kid who will turn into a good woman. It is good to see father's actually in the picture. Good Luck

Answer 3

All little girls have a special relationship with their fathers. That relationship does tend to change as those pesky teen years creep up on you. It is natural for the girl to turn more to her friends and less to dear ol' dad. My best advice is to continue being the ever loving and supportive father and resist that urge to push, pry and prod your way into her life. Just be ready to catch her when she comes running back to the safety and security of her daddy's arms.

Answer 4

Just keep being open with her. When she does tell you something even if its crazy act like its okay and don't freak out on her and don't get mad. If she doesn't share stuff with you try sharieng some expirences you've had that maybe you're not to happy about. Also let her know that she can tell you anything...

Answer 5

It's a weird time for a 16 year old girl. Lots of peer pressure. All you can do is remind her that no matter what is going on in her life she can always talk to you.

Answer 6

The best way to keep your daughter out of hot water is to put some dishes in it!

Answer 7

show her that you care, don't be too invasive of her life, teens (esp. girls that age) kinda try to keep it on a "i'll tell you only if it's really hurting" basis. just be there for her no matter what! hell, i'm like that to my parents sometimes... they just trust me to do the right thing... hope it helps! :D

Answer 8

Just be there for her no matter what and allow her to make her own mistakes without telling her, "I told you so."

Answer 9

give her some freedom and told her that you will love her no matter if she do any mistake or as such, sometimes like on her birthday, gift her, take her to dinner.............that all will help give her confidence to share evrything with you.....good luck DAD...............

Answer 10

Tell her what you told us.