why are parents so scared of bullying?Does it really exist?

Question

I have just read a question from a child about bullying,they seem to be saying that parents will not let them play without playing the bullying card all the time.I have four children aged from 7 to 13 and they have never been bullied,yes at times they have been sad about a lack of respect or wary of aggressive individuals but so what,that is what happens when you live in a diverse society.I am pleased to say that all of my children are well rounded,with a good social sense of justice.

I think many parents are now bullying children through the over use of this phrase,what do you think?

very interesting that being a victim seems to be handed down the generations,why is that?

Is the VERY vocal minority determining the context for the silent minority?

ok so what Im hearing is...

Parents were bullied so their kids are bullied.

odd ,ugly people get bullied.

All acts of agression or anti social behaviour are bullying.

to understand the issue, parents should take note of the media and films(kidulthood?).

life is really tough and cheap in the inner cities.

Answer 1

I think that just because you and your children have been lucky enough to have never been subjected to bullies, that doesn't mean the problem doesn't exist.

I was bullied as a child and it didn't stop until I stood up for myself. But don't lessen the effect that bullies have on other children because you have never been a victim of it.

My son, a few weeks ago, was standing by his locker and some kid just pushed him down and grabbed his jacket out of the locker. That was bullying. Granted it's not a continual case, but I am positive that this kid does it to other children as well. And if and when the parents are/were confronted with their children's behavior, the usual response is either:

1. Not my kid

2. And so what

3. He can't help himself, he has problems.

Bullying is a very real problem and it up to the parents of the bully's to make it stop.

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"Is the VERY vocal minority determining the context for the silent minority?"

Do you mean that since the amount of children that are being bullied isn't that high a number, that the problem should be ignored?

Even one child that is being victimized by another is one too many, and for each child that is bullying there is a parent, almost always, allowing that behavior.

But, yes, it does seem that victims are generational. My son doesn't have it as bad as me, by far. Actually, like I said, that is a lone case of him being bullied. His father was quite 'popular' in school and never had issues like I had. And my son has a lot of friends in different groups in school. But remebber this, bullies are generational as well.

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No, Joe. You are 150% missing the point.

Answer 2

Yes bullying is very real and unfortunately will always exist too, especially if people like you have this sort of attitude towards it.

How do you know for sure that your children have not been bullied or are themselves a bully? There's too many parents out there who swear blind that there children are the pillar of the community whereas they are in fact yobs getting off on torturing other people who cannot for different reasons defend themselves.

With the way people bring up children nowadays it's no wonder bullying is a problem like it is, people don't teach respect to their children anymore. In our local paper last week a boy decided it would be 'fun' to take a machete to the playground and get people to take pictures of him threatening people with it, one guy stood up to him and was stabbed in the neck for his troubles and died. The guy was given 3 years, of which he will only serve 18 months 0 - disgusting if you ask me, that's just sending out the message that it's ok to kill people.

I wasn't exactly bullied at school, I knew who to steer clear of and who was safe but one guy I had to threaten, after I did though he never bothered me again.

My partner has a 14 year old sister and she has been bullied since she was about 8 because she was an early developer. She was in fact being bullied for being taller than the rest of the year and having breasts (children would run up to her and prod her chest asking if they're real!), she was in a position to use her size to her advantage and stand up to the bully's but for some reason her mother decided she should just say nothing, which of course led to things becoming allot worse.
She's now at high school and the bullying continues, she's had compasses thrown at her amongst other things and she's grown her hair long and keeps it in her face all the time. She no longer really talks, even to her family and rarely smiles. Why her parents don't pull her out of school I'll never know, teachers do nothing and when the parents are confronted they deny their kids could do such things to another pupil.

It's not like a mother and father can go and confront the bullies parents either because more often than not nowadays they are bully's themselves and it causes more problems.

I think you need to open your eyes to the world around you.

Answer 3

I think that your premise, that bullying is an overstated phenomenon based upon the experiences only of your four children, is faulty, at best.

It's great that your kids have never experienced what they or you would call bullying. The fact is that millions of kids do experience psychologically damaging mistreatment at the hands of peers and even educators and other adults, every day.

When a child becomes the target of someone who decides that they are going to make it a point, day after day, to say something cruel, to do something untoward, it can become devastating. If they are unfortunate enough to catch the attentions of a group, all the moreso -- and as we know, children and adolescents often act in groups, for numerous obvious and developmentally normal reason.

Children who are especially different in some way from the majority of their peers -- or even those who are simply perceived as different -- become even larger targets.

If anything, this problem has been understated and underplayed. The number of kids, particularly those at the further extremes of body size or of non-hetero sexualities, who are requiring counseling, hospitalization and medication for depressive disorders is appalling. The number who commit suicide thanks in no small part to regular mistreatment in school remains far too high.

Yet we contend with those, such as yourself, who would label inappropriate aggressive behavior as normal in a diverse society. We deal with teachers and school administrators who shrug off misdeeds as "boys will be boys" or "that's how kids are" or who blame the victim and suggest that they shouldn't be so weird/so fat/so inappropriately "masculine" if they're girls or "feminine" if they're boys.

Does bullying exist? I don't know how anyone with open eyes and any sensitivity to what's happening around them in this society can even ask that question with any sincerity.

Answer 4

Does bullying exist? Just go to any school in your area and watch the dynamics on the play ground.Ask a child who is teased every day if bullies are real?To those children who are picked on, laughed at and ruthlessly teased each day school is an everlasting nightmare. People who bully cannot feel secure about themself or they wouldn't try to bring negative attention towards others.People who bully should try to imagine how it feels to feel like a social pariah,They haven't said or done anything to the bully but are physically different , have buck teeth,protuding ears, talk with a lisp, are not as smart etc.I can't even imagine how it must feel to dread going to school knowing you will be physically and/or verbally abused each day.What does the bully get from this tormenting of another human being? How can they think they are justified in treating another human being with so little respect. You are confusing injuries that happen through the course of normal playing.Bullying is the INTENTIONAL hurting of another through physical and/or verbal abuse.NO child should be afraid to go to school.

Answer 5

hi,
You have a point but at the sometime you have to remember that there were times when bullying was the thing to do in school and at the playgrounds all across America, and it had gotten out of hand. I feel that this is where all the parental paranoia has came from. Maybe those parent that are always asking the what do you think? are victims of the bullying that you are talking about. I think that we should talk to our kids more. Some times we push our fears on to our kid unknowingly by ask them if they are having problems in school or at the playground.

Answer 6

yes bullying does exist
i was bullied for years by people at my school. i was hit and kicked and even had my shoes stolen. it got so bad that i was diagnosed with clinical depression at 14 and had to stay in a hospital for 3 months.
just because a parent was bullied doesn't mean a child will be too. i think you should open your eyes and stop with the so what attitude you have. bullying can happen to anyone for any reason.
and by the way. i am not ugly, i have done photo shoots as a model, i was not fat or a stick insect, i wasn't in the minority regarding colour, gender, language, religion, etc. i was just a normal kid that a group of girls took a dislike too and they made my life hell
i hope for your kids sake that they never have to go through that as they obviously don't have the support of teir parents.
you should be ashamed for your comments

Answer 7

Of course bullying exists....why do you think the school shootings happened. Each time it's been kids that have been bullied to the point of not being able to take it anymore. Unfortunately, guns were readily available to those kids. Also, as unfortunate is the fact that most of it goes un-noticed by the authorities in the school until the child who is being bullied retaliates. I also know of parents who could not get any action out of the authorities and had to remove their child from the school & move her to another school.

You are fortunate that your children have not been subjected to it & I hope they never are. In grade school one particular boy had an issue with my son which I took care of as soon as I found out about it - thankfully the school was behind me. When he got to highschool he told me that the secret to not being made a target was to stay "invisible". He stuck to his friends, always went from class to class & straight home. Others, who wanted to be "cool" & swaggered around - were made targets by the older kids. It must have worked because he was never made a target and had a good high school experience.

I think we are hearing more about bullying now because parents are fed up with the lack of support from the school authorities when their children are made targets so they are taking it public. We do what we have to, to make the school experience a safe and happy one.

Answer 8

You sound very ignorant, in reality some schools have a real problem with bullying and well rounded kids as you put it get stabbed and in some cases killed. I suggest you watch Kidulthood to get an idea of what it is like for many kids in inner city schools.The diverse society you talk about also causes most of these problems but I doubt you are aware of the reality as you sound like you are brainwashed and unable to use logic and reason. People get bullied for being different most people who achieve anything after school were picked on so I would worry about your childrens future

Answer 9

No no no!
I was seriously bullied in school. It wasn't lack of respect, or fear of aggressive individuals. It was victimisation on a huge scale. I feared going to school every day. They would wait for me in the toilets, 2 would hold me against the wall while the others punched and kicked me. They were two years above me.
In public, it was constant baiting and humiliation.
My daughter is 12, and has been chased through the school and attacked by an individual. The girl got 1 days suspension, came back the following day and did it again.
Kids commit suicide over this sort of thing.
In short, YES, it does exist. You were very lucky not to have experienced it, and not to have had to watch your children go through it, while feeling helpless.

My goodness, are you implying that my genetic ugliness has been passed down to my daughter???
And as to your other comment, most users on this site seem happy to express an opinion for your benefit regardless of whethere they agree with your views or not.

Answer 10

i think it's just natural to be scared for your children. they can't always fight back when needed, so the parents sometimes need to step up to the plate. it's also scary when you don't know what happened between your child and the "bully". my son used to come home from school with marks on his body, so i questioned him about it and it turned out to be nothing. just boys being boys on the playground!

yes, i think parents are too quick to call the other child a bully these days. but it's totally understandable. i'm not saying that it's ok, but the way kids are being raised these days and the way violence is thrown around like it's no big deal... i can see why parents would be quick to judge another child.