I know it's gonna sound silly but my husband just deployed to Japan for 6 months, and i'm finding it hard to stay alone or sleep in the house. This is my first time ever being alone, ever, my family is abroad and we have no kids. Luckily some of my coworkers were nice enough to invite me over to their house for a week or so but it's still hard. I have stomach cramps, i can barely eat or sleep. I wanna be happy again. Any advice?
2007-03-11 01:08:57 · 10 answers · asked by Carole 5 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Staying busy will help. Get a job, a hobby, take some classes, whatever it takes to keep your mind off of him being gone.
Things will get easier after he's been gone for a little while. As hard as it is to believe, you'll probably get used to him being gone. Not completely, but enough that you can go about your daily life. Write to him a lot, and send him packages. Even if he doesn't need anything, homemade cookies and such are still nice. Another GREAT thing, if he has access to it, is a webcam. If he has access to the internet where he is staying (in his barracks room or where ever), it's nice to have. You can see each other when you talk online and thats nice. My husband has a tendency to try to get me to take my shirt off though, lol, so watch out for that, especially if he has roommates!
Someone else's advice to get a pet is also a good idea. It will give you someone to take care of, and talk to when the house is empty. A dog may also make you feel a little safer when you're alone.
Finally, find a friend, preferably someone whose husband is with yours. Our old neighbor worked with my husband, so I spent 4-5 evenings a week with his wife and kids. It's nice to have someone who knows how you feel.
Remember, wake up every morning and tell yourself it's going to be a good day, and don't accept any less of yourself. Six months may seem like a long time, but it will be over before you know it!
EDIT: If you feel that you cannot get over the loneliness and sadness after a few weeks or a month, talk to your doctor. I know it's not the most talked-about or socially graceful thing to do, but a lot of wives I know have taken antidepressants during deployments. It's a last resort, but a much better option than you being clinically depressed and miserable for 6 months. I honestly wish I had gotten the nerve to do it during my husband's last deployment.
2007-03-11 07:45:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This would be a great time to take an adult education course in something you have been interested in, i.e., learn a language, some sort of craft or art, self-defense, whatever. Take on a redecorating project around the house.
When my husband and I were separated off- and on over the years, I would keep an audio-journal of my day. Every night before I went to bed, I would "tell" him about my day. When the tape was full...or at the end of each week...I would send it to him. It made me feel more connected to him. He would send me tapes, too...but not as often...you know guys, and I would play them when I felt lonely.
Have you ever considered getting a pet. A cat or dog can be a great comfort during these times. If you don't want one permanently, maybe you could agree to become a "foster" owner with a local pet adoption agency. They are always looking for people to care for and socialize a pet until it is adopted out.
But the bottom line is: Look at this separation as an opportunity to grow as a person. You will discover that you can do things you never thought you could do.
Separation gets easier over time, but it is never "easy." Good luck.
2007-03-11 01:31:55 · answer #2 · answered by kathy_is_a_nurse 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying it's easy or that you should just get over it, but as time goes on and he is deployed at other times it will become easier for you. You might look into participating in church, civic or political activities to help you fill some of the lonely hours, Also, you re not alone. Check on line and see if there are any family/spouse support groups in your area for military dependents. Perhaps there are some more experienced military spouses in your area who can lend and ear and a helping hand. Also, please remember, while your husband is overseas for 6 months, during world war 2, many spouses (my uncle was one) were gone from home for the better part of 3 or 4 years.
Finally, Thank you and your husband for your scarifice on our behalf.
2007-03-11 01:36:51 · answer #3 · answered by orangevike 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As hard as it is you need to stop thinking about the fact he is gone, and start looking forward to when he returns. It is not healthy for you to mope around, even considering the circumstances, and if your not careful it can develope in to full blown depression. Continue to spend lots of times with other friends and family and keep your self busy. Do you have a pet?, if not this may be a good time to consider getting one as pets are great for helping take the edge off that lonely feeling. Stay busy and again stop focusing on him being gone and start looking forward to his return, you have to put a different outlook on it and believe it. When i say look forward to his return, i dont mean count down the days either, i just mean be happy that he is coming home, and be happy as to where he went, there could have been much worse places to be deployed
2007-03-11 01:13:37 · answer #4 · answered by Xander R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I completely understand your position. When my fiance deployed to Iraq for a year (which ended up being 16 months) I had a really hard time sleeping by myself. One thing my mother said, she was an Army wife for 21 years, was just take it one day at a time. Don't do any count downs, but celebrate every day that you accomplish surviving! Take baby steps if you have to. Just try to make it through an hour, or a few hours... Eventually you will learn to embrace your new reality.
2007-03-11 01:14:26 · answer #5 · answered by Ammie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you go on base there is a place called family support. They have program-type things for the spouces that are left behind. THere are also websites for military spouces who are in your same situation. I don't know a whole lot about them, I just know that they are there. Don't worry, you are not the only one!
I am currently in Afghanistan and my husband is keeping busy by working 7 days a week and going to gym. He's busy, but he's now more stressed than I am because of all the work.
(A dog might be a good idea, if my husband wasn't so busy we would have had one by now)
2007-03-11 03:37:04 · answer #6 · answered by ur a Dee Dee Dee 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You must address this issue within yourself. The answer is not to surround yourself with people just for comfort...unless that is what you want for the next 20 years.
Millions of people sleep alone, do their business alone, and prosper on their own...
Try to focus on the positive thoughts, and not the negative ones which spin you off into oblivion...I know it is easier said than done, Yes! it takes considerable effort, but your struggle comes from within, not without...
2007-03-11 01:19:47 · answer #7 · answered by chef.jnstwrt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it may not not work for everyone, a dog might help. I knew a wife when I was Germany that claimed their dog was the only thing which helped keep her sanity when the spouse was deployed.
A dog is somebody you can talk to, care for and will protect you all in one...
2007-03-11 01:35:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
they might see counselors from many distinctive businesses and be secure against the potential of being any kind of disclosure. the only way they might alert the chain of command is that if their grew to become into point out of suicide. in the event that they do it stunning (like getting a referral from unwell call), then the chain of command can't do something approximately it. Nor do they might desire to appreciate the justifications why.
2016-10-18 02:35:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go and shop around with your friends or just answer as many questions as possible!
2007-03-11 01:12:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋