2007-03-10 23:43:48 · 11 answers · asked by starrynight1 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Don't pretend like it didn't happen. My MIL was the most supportive person when I lost my son @18 weeks. She was there to talk to, she cried with me, she didn't try to tell me that it was "for the best" or whatever.
I suggest you grab her a copy of "Empty Cradle, Broken Heart- Surviving the Death of Your Baby". The book deals with infant death and miscarriage. It really helped me realize I was totally normal for feeling guilty, for going through stages of not wanting more children- for wanting to get pregnant immediately... etc.
I am so glad to see this post. You are such a great MIL to care so much. My own mother was less then supportive and it was a very difficult time.
It has been 5 months since my son was born still and we are trying again. Please understand her wishes either way in reference to trying to conceive again. It was a very difficult decision.
2007-03-11 00:31:39 · answer #1 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I concur with all the 'don'ts' -- no 'you can try again,' 'it was God's will,' 'you're young,' etc. Don't gloss over anything, don't minimize the pain; I think it's best to be miserable -- for a reasonable period.
I got 'At least you're young!' from an ob/gyn in the hospital when I miscarried. Funny thing is I'm past 30, so -- well, it was just a ridiculous and awful thing to say no matter what my age.
"Unspeakable Losses: Healing From Miscarriage, Abortion, And Other Pregnancy Loss" was a very useful book.
http://www.amazon.com/Unspeakable-Losses-Miscarriage-Abortion-Pregnancy/dp/068817390X
Really, I was stunned and disgusted that (1) it's common, and (2) hardly anybody talks about it. I don't think there's any reason to keep it a secret. Once I opened my mouth about it, I found that loads of people I knew had gone through it; that helped quite a bit.
It's awful, but the pain does ratchet down reasonably quickly. Just 'be there.' If you live nearby, something like food -- if she likes your cooking! -- or being taken out for meals wouldn't be a bad idea; you don't really want to fuss with much for a while.
I'm sure you'll both do fine. Again, it does get better.
2007-03-11 04:39:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing you can do is let her know you are there if she needs to talk - dont tell her things like it was meant to be or not meant to be....just offer like silent support.
I have never been though that, though I am trying to conceive at the moment and the hardest thing for me is when people tell me it will happen when its meant to happen or to just not think about it - the people who say that make me want to hit something (usually their faces!)
Its wonderful you want to help her at this time - my own MIL wouldnt do a thing to make me feel better so just having someone who genuinely cares about her will help her more than you can imagine.
2007-03-10 23:56:42 · answer #3 · answered by karma_au_1984 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i went thru this with my sister also. there's not much you can really do except be there for her. talk with her. give her encouragement. it is such a devastating thing, but there is hope in the future. it just wasn't meant to be this time around, but encourage her to keep trying.
when my sister went thru this, it was so horrible for her. she worked at a daycare facility (where they use bleach water to clean and sanitize) so i did a yahoo search on teratogens. it helped her out a lot. now she has a beautiful baby girl!
2007-03-10 23:55:38 · answer #4 · answered by impossiblemama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Each person handles grief differently. She might not want to talk about it, she might, you have to take the cue from her. AND let her know how it hurt you too, and how important this little life was to you too, and that if you had magic words to help, you would, but that you don't know. Just knowing that people think that baby was important helps....
2007-03-11 03:56:28 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is really nothing you can do other then be there for her when she needs to vent or cry. Do not tell her "There will be other children, other chances, it will happen again." We mourn the one we lost and are not looking forward to the ones in the future at that moment.
2007-03-11 00:24:55 · answer #6 · answered by armiwife 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
give her space when she needs it let her talk if she needs it be there but dont be smothering.
i miscarried at 18 weeks. hardest time of my life so far.
all i wanted was to be left alone.
all you can do is ask her what she needs.
i didnt use it but there are councilors who can help her, i think there are chat rooms too where she can talk to people who have been through what she has.
2007-03-10 23:51:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
By just being there when she needs to talk, and backing off when she needs to be alone. They have support groups, ask her Dr she can tell her where and when, and they are so helpful. So Sorry for her loss, I know all of your hearts are broken. God Bless to you and yours.
2007-03-11 04:02:10 · answer #8 · answered by Granny 1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
comfort measures
help them out in cooking or even cleaning the house so that they could find time for themselves to grieve.
always be there, human touch is more important than words.
2007-03-10 23:53:12 · answer #9 · answered by globiaeon 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is be there for both her and her husband. Please don't say things like "it's God's will" or "you can try again soon" those things will only hurt more.
2007-03-10 23:50:44 · answer #10 · answered by bellajay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋