I need your opinion....?

Question

My friend brought up a good argument that I had a hard time defending and thought what women thought about it.

He said women (or couples) have their own babies for their own selfish reasons, such as: They want to see what their child would look like with their genes, they think they would be better parents then other people, and it is something they just "want"

He said if people truly unselfishly wanted a child then they would adopt one of the many kids needing a home.

What are your reasons for wanting to have your own child?

Answer 1

You know I never really thought about it that way - its a valid point and its got me thinking thats for sure!

I for one, guess I did have selfish reasons for wanting my own child, but I have always been open to adoption and would like to do so in the future or in the least foster a child.

I know my husband thinks differently though and if we were to adopt it would take alot of talking to bring him around to the idea - its the whole selfish thing for him I think and he says he just couldnt love a child that wasnt his as much as the child deserved to be loved, so I guess its selfish but honest so I give him points for that.....

And points for you too for asking such a great question! I love the ones that get me thinking!

Answer 2

Just because I want my own children does not mean im selfish. I love children, and had 2 and have a 3rd one on the way. Most dont have children to see how the genes look I can assure you. And there is nothing wrong with WANTING your own children.

I dont think its selfish to have my own, I have done some fostering for the state when needed. There are alot of people that dont want to have to deal with the system. Getting someone eles's kid that is totally messed up from bad parenting or no parenting at all. Or Raised in/ or addicted to drugs. There would not be so many needing to be adopted if they would put an end to the drugs use/sales. Those are the selfish parents.

I think where it becomes selfish is when they have children they clearly cant afford. If your living on welfare, and chose to bring another baby into that life, I think thats pretty selfish. I think thats and having them to get more welfare is way more selfish then any other reason there is.

Answer 3

Well, that is a good question...

From what I know about adoption, there are some couples who are UNABLE to adopt - for several reasons - job related, age, medical reasons... etc.

Another positive of carrying your baby rather than adopting, is the baby gets used to the routines and voices of the parents. When I was born, the ONLY thing that would calm me down was my father talking to me. Not to mention the bonding that takes place between a mother and child while in utero is not able to be "made up" from a child of a different mother.

Next, when a women carries a child, she knows exactly what has gone into her system during the pregnancy. Being a teacher I have students that have been adopted and the mothers were on drugs or alcohol during the pregnancy. This has a huge effect on the baby. When a couple adopts, they don't know how the mother treated herself during those 9 - 10 months!

Finally, I believe that every living thing on earth is here to continue their species. If the desire was not inate to reproduce, then eventually mankind would die off! For me it comes down to - "survival of the fitest" - I want to have a baby with my husband to share in not only the miracle of life but the miracles of conception, pregancy and birth, too!

Overall, although there are good "arguements" for adoption, I think as long as women are able to carry their own children - they will - for whatever reason!

Answer 4

i didnt want children. i thought the world was over populated, that it would be too much of a change...

i then turned 30, saw my little sister have a baby and my hormones took over. it's none of the reasons your friend said. I had the overwhelming urge to nurture, to continue my family line. It took over. The need to stop being selfish and grow up, put someone totally dependant before my own needs.

I would have agreed with your friend 4 years ago. Having a baby for a woman is a totally physical change, from the moment of conception. That's what is controlled by hormones.

It isn't selfless to adopt! If you wanted a baby and adopted, that could be classed as selfish too! (I dont think it is selfish, but your friends way of thinking may say it is)

Wanting a baby is an urge that is very hard to explain, unless you've felt it for yourself. It's nature. The smae way you cant explain why a male mantis will have his head eaten by the female while mating, yet still continue to thrust his eggs, even with no head!! It's instinct!

Answer 5

Your friend does have a good arguement. Adoption can be a very slow and stressful process and not all people are accepted to take on children through the system. Having your own kids is easier in that sense and you can time it for exactly when you want. I guess another reason may be that it is just human nature to reprocduce. Not for any reason in particular but because thats basically what we are taught. We grow up, maybe get married, maybe a career and have kids. It could also be the family connection. It is a 'human need' to have people to love and who love you in your life. a lot of people dont survive without this need being fulfilled.

Answer 6

I had my children because I wanted them and because in the bible it says to be fruitful and multiply. Besides that I wasn't able to adopt because the state has too many rules and regulations but for some unknown reason any teenager with a penis can make a baby and if they are female teens and have a womb they can have a baby. I figure if they can do it at least i was a married adult with a job that could support the children that i love so much. If the state would let me have them i would adopt a whole new batch now that mine are grown.

Answer 7

me and my husband have always talked about having kids together. we've been married 8 years now and nothing could have brought us more close than our children. why should couples always have to repair what other people have destroyed. i would love to adopt a child, don't get me wrong, but it's not always easy. you can't just show up and say i want a kid and then they give you one. having kids for me and my husband was something we have always wanted. selfish or not, kids are a part of you. if people weren't selfish on occasion, we probably wouldn't have children at all. there has to be some sort of selfishness when a couple decides to have kids (adopted or not).

Answer 8

Conceiving and pregnancy is a HUGE part of parenting. An added bonus is not having to worry about a birth mother coming after you in the years to come.

Everyone has the right to have children, and get pregnant as many times as they want to. I really think that needs to be CHANGED.

Not everyone is fit to be a parent. If there were more restrictions on who could get knocked-up, maybe there would be less children in need of a caring and loving home.

Maybe if there was more focus on family and equality there would be less of a need to foster homeless children.
Maybe the women who just gave birth to her fifth child and she is still doing drugs and having sex for money. . . maybe she should have her tubes tied. I have no problem using some of my tax dollars "spaying" her. I would rather that, than have all of her kids turn out to be junkies and relying on social services for the rest of their lives. . . It is not fair to the choldren, they are born into a situation that is completely unfair. I am prepared to think that out of ten kids that are born into a horrible situation like the one listed above would acutually turn into a functioning adult. Maybe they would focus on education and working hard. . . then again out of 10 kids I do not only want to see one being able to act as a responsible functioning adult.

Why is it that it is a "right" to have kids? YES some people do do have the right to have children? Just like some people do not have the right to have a liscence because of a DUI ( Driving Under the Influence). And for those people that are child molestors, they do not have the right to have children either? They should not be living next to a school, and if they apply for a teaching or mentoring job they would not be fit.

If the government has the right to block one hole ( our mouth) form alcohol. Why can't they block another hole ( Va-Ja-Ja) from pregnancy.

Neglectiful and horrible parents should have a complete removal of reporductive parts... just like an animal that is out of control they are spreading disease and unwanted offspring.

Answer 9

Um its a tuffy, but theres many diff answers for me it was I can't adopt a child because theres no way in hell that they would let me. Im a good mother and I try my hardest to raise my babies right but its an experience that I will never forget. I helped form a life and bring it into the world. Our hearts beated together, it was something that was truely remarkable so it may be selfish as your friend calls it to want a baby of your own but for me it was more of an "Oopsy" and I am pro-life..So it sorta added up.

Answer 10

What a great question! I have two children now (14 &3) and I am currently pregnant now. I think that most do not consider adoption because it is very expensive. When "doing it" yourself is free. And raising them is costly enough. My first pregancy was not planned- thus the age gap- the second and third ones were planned. I enjoy my children! I love them dearly and consider them an extension of me. My grandfather is sick now, and he fathered seven children with his wife- I asked him if he would do it all again he answered simply "Yes" "If I had not, all of my wonderful grand kids would not be here now"- point being- children build the next generation, and continue your family tree! They are truly a blessing! Now- You need to ask my husband what he thinks!!!! (SMILE)