me and my mother,?

Question

i live away from my parents studying in university (1st year)...me and mother are like enemies. for example, when we spoke over the phone she asks me how my reputation is and that i should be careful. she knows i have a boyfriend and i have been with him for 6 months now. he's not allowed to come over to my house (rules of my dad)...i mean if i was staying ina dorm obviously i would have people round etc. i dont know why its treated differently whether im in a house or in a dorm.

im 19 years old....i think i need a bit more privacy. i have shown them that i have managed to live alone and survive alone.

whats the deal with my parents?

im not allowed to have my boyfriend over(who they have met and my dad has met and gone out with a few times) BUT i am allowed to have some girlfriends around.
im 19 and im in uni and well i think i should be considered as an adult...right?

Answer 1

Your parents think you are still their baby. They still worry about you after all these years. They don't want to see you hurt and they would hate to feel they slipped up and made a mistake after all the years of protecting you. They can't help it. You won't understand until you have children. As for reputation, well I think we all tarnish that a bit.
By the way at nineteen I wouldn't be too carried away by having a boyfriend. It can make you feel more adult but can also be gone in a flash. Remember what University is about. Now I'm probably sounding like a parent.

Answer 2

You sound like a sensible girl. Yes, you allowed your privacy at any age, esp the kind that has to do with your choice of a partner, hopefully a permanent friend first, then life partner.

I am talking to you as if I'm your aunt. I wished I were as courageous as you by questioning your parents lack of boundaries in this matter, when I was younger. But you have my support to find your 'path' in life from now on, one based on informed choice, not cultural expectations. You need to think about your new role, as a fellow young adult, while also allowing your parents some input, so you're able to balance betw hearing them and finally making your own decisions about whom you choose as boyfriend and what you want from the relationship. Be trusting but also be wary when appropriate. We are all under the same cloud of suffering in this competitive world, so, try to be understanding without being too 'soft' or pushy.

I wish you well...

Answer 3

The restrictions seem slightly excessive for a 19 year old. However, your parents are going through a tough transition from daily parenting to an advisory and support role in your life. If they continue to display these behaviors, you must talk with them or remove your personal life from theirs which would be sad but sometimes necessary. I went through the same exact scenario when I was 18 and joined the military to get away from it and it was the best thing I could have done. When I came home I was respected for my own choices and my relationship with my folks became a positive one. Good luck.

Answer 4

Your acting out as a teen coming out of your shell which happens at that age(you want to have privileges you didn't have before) , your parents are being protective and good for them it means they care and love you, don't be rebellious , understand their situation first before you pass judgment, be glad you have parents that are like that, your father will eventually understand if he sees you are being serious with this relationship he will come to accept that his daughter has grown to an adult, 6 months is hardly something stable, you are moving at your pace and you want your parents to be dragged along, give them time and they will understand.

Answer 5

organic mom - i desired to parent my son, there grew to become into no want for him to be observed as i grew to become into in a concern the place i could have adequate money to advance him (working) yet whether I hadn't i could have been eligible for advantages and as we've the NHS i does not have had to agonize approximately scientific or dental therapy as the two are unfastened. the superb thank you to describe it particularly is an invisible amputation and it particularly is intestine wrenching. I genuinely have suffered with melancholy, been suicidal, self harmed, been offended, hated myself, blamed myself felt ashamed. It took reunion to artwork by way of each and all of the sentiments yet I nevertheless have my undesirable days and it will continually be a existence sentence.

Answer 6

It's their house and they are entitled to set the house rules. They may well have been brought up with even stricter rules, and will probably not change them unless you marry. Remember that, to them, you will always be their little girl in their minds, and in need of guidance and protection: you may well feel the same about your own children one day, so grin and bear it. It's not for long!

Answer 7

Sad fact. This is something you have bare with it. I am over 30 and my mum still try to implement her rules and ideas on me. Get me quite angry at times.

Same thing happen to my friends. I learn to accept it. No matter how old we are, we are still a child in our mother's mind.

I always remind myself that she will not be with me forever and I will treat her well for her remaining years. Hey, she treat me well when I was a defenseless child.

Answer 8

She will eventually realize she needs to let go and I know it can be really frustrating (been there). But, you should be really happy that you have a mother who cares so much about you. I'll bet she does. Best wishes.

Answer 9

just think about what makes you happy, ive learned from my parents that i shouldn't try to please them before pleasing myself, it only makes it hard on urself. i have this same problem but im sure after like 1-2 years of dating the guy they will start to trust him, this happened with my bf after that they started to like him, but im still happily with him after 5 yrs, i just dont care what they think. ONLY THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT! :-D good luck girly!

Answer 10

chill
you care too much for their approval
just be graceful and polite