My dad feels very lonely. I am 24 and I have trouble answering my dad when he asks me this:
How come you never come visit me? What did I do wrong to have my children shut me out?
I live 100 miles away from him. I am a student and a single father myself. I try to keep in touch. I want to make him feel like he is important to me. I want him to feel like he has been the good father he is. I have told him this. I have called him every couple of weeks. Is there more that I can do? Please help me on this one. I have run out of ideas. I really do care and need to resolve this for him and myself.
2007-03-10 20:01:43 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I have invited him over, but the distance is an issue for both of us.
2007-03-10 20:12:20 · update #1
All the way from India, this is how we show our fathers we love them in all the ways possible
write him a nice letter
take yourself over for a visit along with your child
get him flowers
Take him out for dinner or lunch
Get him what he loves
Bring him over for a few days to stay with you
Send him a little money every month to show you care
Be loyal and always never miss out on calling him
Take him out for a movie, or you all watch one at home
Encourage your kid/kids to talk to him and meet him or stay with him
Do everything from your heart and nothing will go undone
I am sure you love him but sometimes one has to go that extra mile to show their love. We have to do alot of that in India and much more. This is the basics, and try to keep this in mind and I am sure he will be proud of you. All dads love their sons alot. They are proud of them.
I wish you all the best. Regards, Indian girl.
2007-03-10 20:08:51 · answer #1 · answered by MafiaGal 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Quit fighting the issue of distance. It exists and will for a good while. It's not fair for your father to put this pressure on you. The best thing you can do is WRITE to him. Send him a letter every three or four days. It's cheaper than phone calls and he can get the letters out and re-read them anytime he feels lonely.
Get over thinking you are responsible when your father asks those ridiculous questions. Write down all the times you visit him and send the record to him and ask him to quit saying you never visit him This is his method for trying to make you feel guilty. The best response to these absurd questions is simply "Are you trying to make me feel guilty?" When he says "of course not" that's a step in the right direction. The next time he asks the same dumb questions, say "Are you sure you're not trying to make me fell guilty?" If you keep this up, I guarantee he will eventually quit asking these questions and you can develop a little better relationship.
Remember, you do NOT owe him anything. He and your mother brought you into the world and were required by LAW to take care of you. This business of telling you that you are ungrateful after all they did for you is so much hogwash. Gratitude does NOT enter into it at all. They fulfilled their obligation as parents or they would have ended up in jail.
Quit letting him walk all over you trying to make you feel miserable. You have a choice. You do not have to feel bad about his self-inflicted problems. I wish you well.
2007-03-11 07:22:51 · answer #2 · answered by pianofritz2 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your dad just wants to know that you still care about him. He spent his whole life doing for you and he just wants a little reassurance that you appreciate him. Living 100 away shouldn't have anything to do with it. That's actually a short distance to away from your family. Really there's nothing to even think about. This is your dad. You have something that alot of kids never had or even known. Life is short and no body's going to be there for you like your family, not even your girlfriend or wife. Stop thinking about it and do it. I guarantee you that when your kids get older you will want the same. Make your dad happy and be that little boy- man that he raised.
2007-03-11 05:18:01 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it would help if you called him more often. Weekly, at least. Have you invited him to come visit you? Perhaps you could counter with that.
"Why haven't you come to visit?"
"It's a two way street, Dad. Why haven't YOU come to visit?"
Send him a card every once in a while. Start picking up cards in after holiday clearance sales. Send him an Easter card in November...a Christmas card in June...a Father's day card in January...a Halloween card in May. Make it a running family joke.
2007-03-11 05:07:51 · answer #4 · answered by Meg M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Invite him to a trip somewhere? Mud bog at Dresser?
2007-03-11 16:52:16 · answer #5 · answered by Woody 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both are right in your own ways.This is a worldwide problem.the only thing you can do is to call him frequently and visit him time to time.You can invite him to your place for a visit.
2007-03-11 05:09:06 · answer #6 · answered by ANU U 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not let this guy think he can manipulate you. Do not take any crap from the guy. You have to be a man. You answer in firm and friendly way when he says:
I have been busy with........
You have not done anything wrong I have been busy with my........................
How often does he call you?
How often does he visit you?
2007-03-11 05:16:32 · answer #7 · answered by SuperKdog 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He sounds guilty, you know, a complex. Keep doing what your doing and don't feel guilty about it. Don't let him put that guilt trip on you.
2007-03-11 05:11:59 · answer #8 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋