My guy is completely perfect, EXCEPT...(please only females over 25 answer)?

Question

I'm 26, and the man I'm dating is PERFECT FOR ME IN EVERY WAY....EXCEPT...his financial situation. I have a modest savings, a decent monthly salary, ($5000--I know, not that great, but better than nothing--for emergencies) and 15 grand in my 401 K (I've only been out of college for a few years.) He's 30, he lives from paycheck to paycheck and has no retirement/401 K/savings etc. A couple things: We are in love and have talked about moving in together, but we have agreed we should wait a year, until he is more financially stable. At this point, I'm cutting him some slack, bc he has been single for a while, and only has had to think of himself. I am not a gold-digger, but I am realistic. I pay for stuff more than half the time. I devote a lot of time, love, energy, etc to this relationship, in which, at this point, I am very happy. I never wanted to be with a man who is less financially stable
I just want to know if any females have been in this situation, and how things have worked ou

Answer 1

I'm female, 58 yrs. young --- can we talk?

Honey, his financial situation now is of no consequence. What is crucial is his overall outlook/attitude about where he sees himself 6 months or 1 year from now. Does he have any realistic plan on how to make himself financially stable within the one-year period? At what point does he see himself as stable? Are these the kinds of things you talk about? Can you honestly say you are willing to take your chances with this guy?

You strike me as a very practical woman but at the same time, I can feel you're very much in love with this guy --- so let's try another approach. What happens if you combine your salaries? Would there be enough for the two of you?
If yes, is this arrangement totally acceptable to you? Please bear in mind that his circumstances could change dramatically - people with strong convictions and motivations can really make things happen. Does he possess this quality?

Honey, I can only provide some reality check questions. In the final analysis, only you can decide what is best and/or what is good enough.

I do not want to presume anything, but prayers have always helped me in tight situations.

Good luck and my very best to you. God bless.

Answer 2

You didn't say how much he earned. Anyway, if you are sure of him,
(no man is perfect --there will be those times--) don't shy away from some
serious chat over the table on money, spending, and expenses. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, both of you together need to be financially stable. Set a goal such as buying a house in 5 years. (Saving the down payment) It gives something to set the pace for budgeting.
If he'll let you, help him cut expenses. (Not telling what he should not buy, but lowering interest rates and asking the age old question do I really need this when he shops, using coupons,ect.) If you and he are stable and want the relationship to work, you'll be happier than two peas in a pod. In this economy, it takes two working together to make things work. I hope all goes well for you--I love happy endings.

Answer 3

When I was younger I was with my "perfect guy". We were young and in college, so neither of us had savings, but I always worked to have money and nice things. He waited until things were given to him by family etc. I paid for things more than half of the time, like you are doing now. When I was in love with him, I thought it was ok. After we broke up, I realized I didn't want or need a guy who couldn't even afford to take me to a nice dinner every once in a while, nor did I want to be with a guy who would allow me to always pay. I never felt like he was using me; however, I realized I did more than my share.

My bf now is different, but he has no savings and has never had bills or responsibilities, so he blows his checks a lot of the time. We live together now and he always has money b/c we split the bills, but again he has no savings. Since we've been dating, things have gotten better and he has started saving, BUT he could have so much more saved up. I think if you guys really love each other he can come around and start to be more responsible financially. If he doesn't, this will cause you lots of stress and heartache...finances break up a lot of marriages!

Word to the wise...living together before marriage is not always a good idea. If you wait until you get married and tiems get hard, you are more likely to try to stick it out. If you guys just live together and times are hard you are more likely to walk away from each other. My bf and I have lived together for not quite a year yet and I don't feel as though it was a good decision for me. It might work wonders for you guys, but it's not a thing I would recommend or probably ever do again.

Answer 4

Perfect Question. I am not over 25, but still married at 21. Your question is more practical and matured.

Aunt of mine married a man at the same situation as you are in now. He tried for jobs (I doubt how sincere) but he could not make a stable income. It was all because, my Aunt had a very stable (But not big) income. Soon after their second child, even when thay wanted one more, they could not go because of the financial status. They hardly had savings till few years back. Most of the frictions in the family will be around money only and soon he started to drink a lot (With wife's money) and that became a still bad to her. Now, both of their children are married and gone, they are still living with problems, mainly with finance. SHE IS STILL WORKING FOR BREAD AND ALSO AT HOME. HE IS JUST GAZING AROUND. She could not leave him, because Love is blind. So think 100 times before making a decision. Nothing Wrong.

LOVE IS ONLY A FEELING. NOT LIFE.
LIFE IS REALISTIC.
LOVE AFFECTS ONLY YOU.
MARRIAGE AFFECTS THE FAMILY (YOUR CHILDREN TOO)
MONEY MAKES MORALITY (Unbeaten Truth)

I feel, its nothing wrong to decide before marriage. In the society, always men are the bread winners. If the roles are reversed, the so called family morality will be lost.

Ok, all these are from what I saw and feel thats right. And it differs case to case. So, think calm and make a decision. If you feel, LOVE is great, you can even love a rose, which really pleases you.

Please dont conclude I am heartless and do not unerstand.... What I mean is LOVE should not be shattered for money after marriage. If you expect that may happen, better to be today.

Answer 5

I think its a very good question from you. Finances are a huge part of why people get divorced or have much stress. I was in the opposite situation as you are in, I was a single mom and lived paycheck to pay check, had a lot of late bills because I was just too busy to open the letters myself.

My future husband was in the Navy at the time and was very accurate at paying his bills on time and saving for the future. Sometimes, even though I made somewhat more than him, he would pay my credit card bill for me. I was like, what are you doing? He told me how important it was to pay your bills on time.

I learned, and now I am the Chief Financial Officer of our household :-) Getting your boyfriend to understand the importance of paying the bills on time, or paying off his debts and saving for more important things could be a turning point in your relationship. If he refuses, ask him if he would mind if you took over that area for you two.

I have only missed one payment so far, in five years, so I really take pride in my role as Household Administrator. It was a computer glitch as I pay online and the check didn't go through on time, so maybe discuss it with him and maybe you are the finance pro instead of him.

Good luck, and managing your money is very important in marraige, it takes both of you to understand how much is there and how much you need to sacrifice for each other.

Answer 6

Realistically, can this guy sustain a family. I've been earning 15 grand a year, but I know that once my plans come to fruition 100 is a walk in the park. It's the potential this guy has. Only you can judge whether his potential can turn into kinetic (haha). So enjoy the relationship, and dont think about the money he should be making but the time you guys could be spending together. I'm sure if he values the relationship he will do what's necessary to further it.

Answer 7

Well, I met my husband now of 3yrs and together 6yr. When I was same age as your. I know he didn't make a lot of money. But we decided to moved in together anyway after only of 3months we 've been dating. Just because I feel it the right decision for me. He treat me the way every woman wanted: love and respect and being there for them. I feel happy when I am with him, even though every relationship has their up and down. But for me, money is not the main issue in our relationship. Until now we still living pay check to pay check, but we both know we earn a decent living, a lot of other people have. I am not try to say that I don't like of become rich, I sure do, but If I have to trade him for someone else who is richer and I do not love then I wouldn't. Until now, I have never regret any minute of decision that I made 6 yrs ago. If you really love him, and think he is the one for you. Then shouldn't let money be the prolem in your relationship. As long he is a responsible person and earn a decent living, has a job. You don't want a husband who makes lot of money, but never have time for you and have other girls after him, because he is a rich man. Sometimes, money is not everything in the world, can't buy us real happiness and will not bring it with us when we died. I rather live happy than died rich.

Answer 8

Well i can say this in a relationship it takes two to make it work. if you and he are trying to build a life together then he has to be able to trust you in handling the finances so that you and he can begin to build from that..not to say it will be easy but nothing worth anything ever come easy..get some financial advice and both come to an agreement where he can save some of his money and you will too but don't merge everything you both have, maintain some sense of individuality so that you can always have the safety nest of your own and his own money. If the man loves you then go for it it is rare to find a perfect man in todays market..good luck with everything..

Answer 9

Don't ever compare a man on how he manages his money. Draw the line if you spend things on him all the time, the more you spend on him the more he will expect you to pay. Pay your things and let him pay for his things. If you love him and want to move in with him, then do it. I never thought twice of living with a man because of his financial difficulties. If you are happy then nothing eles matters. U should love him even with his faults. Don't start getting loans together or signing for him. Because 2 years down the line and you decide that its not going to work then your stuck paying his bills. You should be fine if you live with him. Just take care of your stuff..

Answer 10

well..if he is perfect in every other way, who cares about his financial status.. who can guarantee that the next guy u find, will be perfect??? Eventhough he's financially unstable, he isn't homeless, jobless, or he has lots of debts. and he's not gonna spend all your savings in stupid things like gambling and stuffs right? why are u worried??? at least he has a job..you are not gonna b starving if u'll be with him..
as long as you are happy with him, dont care about his financial status..he can work it out and after few years who knows, he'll be stable financially...i say don't let the perfect man go..Catch him while you can...
it sounded like you want someone rich..dont u think that even if you get a rich guy, you might not be happy bcoz of some other thing?