How can we encourage kids to not back answer and respect their elders?

Question

My kids often tend to talk back when instructed about something. How do I get it across to them that respecting elders is very important, I have tried talking calmly to make them understand. Have also tried being strict. What can be done? How do I dicipline them and encourage them to grow into well mannered individuals? Please Help!

Also please suggest any method to control my temper and deal patiently in a difficult situation!
Thank you.

All the answers are good . Thanks for your suggestions.

Answer 1

Many children talk back because they feel like they aren't receiving much/any respect. I have no kids, but I can tell you what my mom did with me. She never actually punished me. What my "punishment" was for doing something I knew was bad/wrong/unkind was her disappointment. This worked because she always did her best to show respect for my opinions and ideas even if they were horrible. So her being disappointed in me made me feel as if I did something that didn't deserve her respect, but she was still giving it to me. It made me feel ashamed, embarrassed, and disappointed in myself, so I would try hard to not do it again. The thing that my mom told me was important is explain why you said no, why something is wrong. It shows that you think they are smart enough to understand and that you care enough to take the time to explain.

My advice is if they back talk to someone ask them why. Make sure you ask nicely. They must not feel that they are getting yelled. They will just want to fight back (i.e. talk back). Find out what makes them offensive. Don't mention elders. That's ageist. They will just feel that because they are kids you are not listening. Just explain why you think they shouldn't do it. And make sure you have good arguments against it. There are a ton of things you can mention.

Answer 2

When dealing with youngsters, rational thought does not always register. To make an impact you have to get their attention and you can do that by showing consequences for their actions. Part of being a productive person is knowing every action has a consequence, whether good or bad. When a child does something you dislike, it should result in an appropriate consequence that will deter any repeat behavior (that you carry out and do not forget or lift - which is why it is important that the consequence fit the misdeed. If you set to harsh of a punishment out of anger and go back on it later you undo what you are trying to accomplish.)
Try to calmly point out any misbehavior as it occurs but you can address the consequence later. Later on, revisit the issue, why it was inappropriate and what the consequence is. At a young age you are trying to nip bad behavior before it becomes a habit. As adults, your kids will understand why things are right and wrong, but to rely on their developing morals or character to lead them now won't work. Initially good behavior is a habit, and as they mature, your kids will be able to rationalize and draw on past experiences to make good choices. Set a good example and reinforce good behavior. Be consistent and loving. Be calm - walk away if you have to. The fact that you are even concerned about this issue shows what a wonderful parent you are, for too many parents can't be bothered with the work of parenting! Good luck to you and keep up the good work!

Answer 3

You don't mention how old they are so it's kind of difficult to answer. The important thing is to remain consistent no matter the age. If you say you're going to do something by way of punishment then follow through. If they have a TV in their bedroom then confiscate it for a week and do not cave in. You could also try confiscating toys. Always warn them and give them a chance to turn their behaviour around. If they continue then the toy gets put away for a week. Also, provide a good example. Children mimic everything. I'm not suggesting that they're copying you but for example, they might see some uncle undermining his wife and think it's ok to talk to women like that...just an example. Maybe one of their friends talks to their mother like that. They're going to test you, the new rules won't be welcome so they might get worse before they get better. Just be consistent, don't bend and things should improve.

Answer 4

you have to get this in kids heads early, 3-4-5-6-7. If they are beyond that age, you have to understand that they've already been programmed to a lot of behavior. Essentially, you have to show them they WILL lose in a battle with you over any issue, and that you will always win. But if you let them get away with things when they are young, they just think that's the way it is, that everything is negotiable and they can manipulate every issue to get the best result for their personal pleasure. If they are older now, I don't have a good way to help you, but I can only suggest punishment. It's just hard to say not knowing their ages.

Answer 5

This is a problem not with your kids, but with you. When I read this question, I thought that how dare someone ask such a question! I am the parent of a 32 year old and I have 3 step children from past relationships who still think of me as a parent.

You can not expect ANYONE to respect you!! Respect is earned. You seem not to have earned it from your kids and if I were you, I would seek counseling.

When my children would, for example, write on a wall. I NEVER said, "Don't do that!", in stead, I said, "Come here, write on this paper and we can put it on the wall." Give them an alternative in stead of demanding they comply with what you say. Just saying NO is not fair and gives a child no where to go or no alternatives!!

Giving a child a choice is always better than saying just do it this way. They will usually make the right choice if given the chance. It stumulates their own mind and gives them confidence in themselves!

Answer 6

I have a bad temper when my childrn do not obey me, normal. As adult's we need to learn to understand this is wrong and just work on it, and the good thing you recognize you have this problem.

This is something I can't stand from children to do, my children think this is funny, and it is not at all. I used tone's, many different things to bring this to my children attention. Making them respect, by; making them go up to the person and apologizing to them. Making sure you address this to them always, in public teaching them manners, to say thank you, or your welcome, but we have to be consistent. When they go to school how to deal with situation's if they feel an adult has disrespected them, to go tell someone like a vice Principal, or maybe the school nurse, because the nurse is the one who make's them feel better. By us teaching them to respect our elders, they will like to hear they have rights as far as how they should be treated, and deserve the same format of respect, this will make them feel good about themselves that this applys to them also. This will make them feel like adults dont only have right's as how they should be treated. These little young lives deserve to know they should be talked to with respect, and have a right to ask for it in return when they have been spoken to incorrectly. I guess when we teach them these values, to let them know it is well rewarding to them when they get older, and people will treat them with the same respect. This helps them to make better friends, we must be consitent and watch them at all times.

Answer 7

Counting to ten really does work. Then, you dicipline. Depending on their ages...take stuff away... send them to your room, not theirs. Your room is probably boring to them. Threaten them with violence. Don't actually do anything, but use the most evil voice you can find deep inside and just let it out. They will probably stop their back talk. Let them know you are the parent, not them.

Answer 8

If we were our parents and we talked back to them we would have gotten smacked in the face.

Now a days I have no idea.

I can tell you how to control your anger tho. If you were at work would you be able to yell and scream at your boss or co workers. ?

Of course not.

We yell and scream at our kids cause we can and we know we can get away with it.

Thinking of it that way may help.

Answer 9

You have to remind them again, and again, and again. After about the 400th time of reminding them to do something, they might do it without the reminder. Once. Then you will have to remind them again. If this is something important to you, than you have to make it your job to make sure they do it. Eventually, it will work. I feel like all I ever say is "Don't talk with you mouth full" or something along those lines!

Answer 10

By example is the first thing...It's really hard I know, but somehow, they learn it...Grounding, taking something away of value to them is another way, but again,,,,it's hard