Why won't my kids listen to me or my husband?

Question

I feel like I should be on the Supernannny show. These three kids (5 year old triplets) are loud, rude, messy, destructive and won't listen when we ask them to do something or anything. I find it hard to enjoy them and the stress levels between my husband and I are astronomical. It takes a lot of screaming before they acknowledge we mean business. They play hard (and loud) all day long without tiring. We can't go to restaurants with them, we can't take them to church, we can't go shopping with them, they are 3 uncontrollable tornadoes. On the positive side, they are not mean, spiteful kids, they are always happy and love being together.They have a healthy diet, sugary treats and junk food are not found in my pantry. I'm at my wits end and literally go to bed crying every night. I just wish they were more lovable and considerate. We have a 12 year old daughter who feels the same stress we do. She was always very mature and an easy to handle child. These 3 are a real challengea

I didn't mean Supernanny specifically - I just used that as a generalization - I could have said Nanny 911 - I just need help with these kids

Answer 1

I agree with t.t._hot. Also I am not against spanking your kids butts if they really need it. I do if the time calls for it! Some kids just need it! ( as long as u stay in control) I understand what you are going through alot of people assume that if your kids are not behaved they think you are allowing them to and you are not. I feel you on that because I been there. Its even harder when u have a bunch of kids the same age feeding eachother " good" ideas on what to do next that arent really good ideas at all. lol I did everything in the book to try to get my kids to listen. or so i thought i realized what i was dong wrg which was not being persistent. Whatever form of punishment u use ( time outs taking away their tv or music or outside play and friends) STICK WITH IT. It will feel like its not working and u give up and change ur way of punishment and then it doesnt work anymore. Its all abt being persistent and sticking with ONE form of punishment. Its alot of work at 1st but after a month or two of really cracking down u will see improvements. Sometimes u get tired and let a thing or two slide that is a BIG NO NO! I have 3 kids all a year apart ( 7,6, and 5) so I somewhat can relate. My kids were at one point out of control until I really really really put my foot down and stuck with it. They will " hate" you for a while but at least they will know you are serious and you wont have to scream every time u want them to know that. I think also since its winter still the kids are aching to get all that energy out. HURRY UP SPRING!!!

Answer 2

Hi, even though you don't allow sugary treats in your house that may not be the culprit. Even naturally occuring chemicals in some fruit and veg and colours/preservatives can cause children to be hyper. Have a look at www.fedup.com.au
I cut out a lot of things from my son's diet and it really did help. You could try it for 2 weeks and see if there is a difference. You have to be strict at first though otherwise you won't know what is effecting them. Good luck. Also there is a great book called 1-2-3 magic. Try and read it if you can.

Answer 3

Children need boundaries and you need to set them quickly.You do not need to scream at them you need to teach them that for every negative or positive action there is a reaction,repercussion, reward and or punishment.Im thinking since you do not reinforece rules your kids are taking advantage of you andyour husband.Realise that as long as they know you and your husband are the authority figures they will be extremly resistant to change but eventually after many tantrums they will begin to accept the change .Start reinforcing rules.Think about 60 years ago when technology was not as advanced and there was no xbox or video games kids had nothing to lose because they were disciplined .Children were relatively well behaved because there were clearly defined roles between parents and children .You need to have a system of rewards and punishment for good behaviour or bad behaviour.If they act up swallow the pain you feel by thinking they will hate you but let them stay in their rooms without entertainment.Make them read when they behave badly, make them do chores simple ones since they are only 5 let them pick up their toys.You have to remove something they like or love to get their attention and let them know you mean business, take away their favourite things and tell them why you are doing it.They will cry since children are resistant to change but they will get the picture and learn to behave.

Answer 4

It just seems to me like anyone with multiples has the problems you are having. It seems to be more of a challenge to be dealing with the same issues in more than one kid at a time. I say that because I don't want you to feel bad or like a poor parent.

Okay, if you are really serious, I can help you with some of these issues. First, rather than say that your kids won't 'listen,' it might clarify things to say that they won't 'obey.' When misbehavior is mislabeled, it can sound not quite so bad.

You need to firmly decide that you and your husband DO have a right to rule your household. Someone has to be in charge, and it can't be 5 yo's. They do not have the wisdom or life experience to make the decisions for the family. You DO have the right to tell them what to do, and you DO have the right to expect them to obey.

So the question is, how to get them to obey. There are two sides of this. The first one is to continually be building a relationship with them by being happy and fun and spending LOTS of time with them.

The second is to move the line. It's not that your kids will not obey. You said that 'it takes a lot of screaming before they acknowledge we mean business.' So they WILL obey, but they have learned that they don't HAVE to obey until you reach a certain decibel level. The entire house would be SO much happier if you moved the line. You need to decide what the discipline is for not obeying THE FIRST TIME. Sit the 3 down and tell them that they have reached an age where they are so big and smart that they can obey the very first time they are told, so for a few days you are going to practice it. [Before the kids can be held accountable for obeying, they need to be trained. To just suddenly start disciplining for disobedience w/o having taught them the alternative would not be right, and you would not feel right about it, and would probably not be able to continue.] Tell them you are going to start with a practice, and go into the next room and call them in a really happy, excited voice. HOPEFULLY they will come running and you should be SO EXCITED that they obeyed right away! You should hug them and kiss them and clap and such. They need to realize how WONDERFUL it is to have a good relationship with mom, and how nice it is to be praised. Hold a few 'practices' each day for a few days, and always announce first that you are going to practice.

You need to teach your kids how to obey in every instance; if you tell them to pick up toys, they need to know exactly what that means: pick up all the toys that are on the floor and put them in the toybox. If you tell them to get ready to go, they need to know what that means.

Once you have trained them, then you need to hold them accountable EVERY SINGLE TIME you tell them something. You choose what the discipline would be if they disobey. You have got to be totally consistent. At the same time, you need to maintain a good relationship with them by being someone they really really want to please.

It could also be that part of the issue is that they are so close to each other that a relationship with you has not been quite so important to them. Is it possible [and it might not be] for you or your husband to spend one-on-one time with them? That could really help them want to please you two more.

Answer 5

no you may curse you. it form of seems such as you're putting all your potential into what they are asserting or believing that your issues are because of the fact of them. pretend that they do no longer exist and that's merely you and your husband and young infants and take a seat and attempt to choose why the economic issues are happening. right that's an occasion of what I recommend. we could say all people thinks you're a witch (pretend remember) and somebody makes you mad so which you yell at them " i curse you " and because all people thinks which you're a witch that guy or woman is scared to death and because that guy or woman is so busy observing his decrease back he journeys and falls and breaks his leg. You did no longer reason him to interrupt his leg , he broke all of it by way of himself. The concepts is a efficient ingredient and a few recognize a thank you to apply it and others do no longer making them quite hassle-free pray. Make your concepts sturdy and quit demanding approximately your in regulations and hassle in basic terms approximately your little kinfolk and you will quickly see that your issues will start to vanish.

Answer 6

I'm going to give you the answer you need hun, I would just advise you to be firm with the kids and let them know that your the boss. Please don't give anything positive if they are not doing what you want. ex. they don't want to put the toys away, but want to watch a movie or play a game. Let them know you won't be watching anything or playing with anything until what you asked to done is done. They will do what is allowed to done. Make sure your husband is working on the same page as you. You will be fine. Don't allow them to treat you as if your the child.

Answer 7

You definitely need help. Try some of the techniques that Supernanny teaches parents. You must discipline these kids. Things will only get worse.

Answer 8

Beat there butts. Your kids are disrespectful, and rude, and you aren't getting through to them. My parents beat my but as a kid and i turned out fine. And i have plenty of respect for my parents and all adults. My parents never had an issue with taking me to church, or resturants or anything like that, because they kept me well disciplined at home. As a matter of fact, most all of the parents that i know that use 'spankning' as their main form of disipline have good children. And they don't need to call on no 'suppernanny' or 'nanny 911' or anything. But you probably won't listen to me because you probably believe that "spanking is cruel", well in that case, enjoy living miserably in your own home as it is being run by 5 year olds. And also making your other kid's life miserable as she will now be more than happy to go far far away to college and not come back except on very special occasions and for only short periods of time. So, as "spanking is cruel", you have fun living in a hell-hole.

Answer 9

you allowed them to be wild. You got what you deserved. I suggest you find some corner walls - have them sit on floor facing the corner everytime they mis-behave. If need be stand behind them to restrain their movement. Stop all TV. give them all house work details and hold off dinner until the work is completed. Band all sugar snacks in the home - drinks are milk, juice or water. This next one may work - feed them baby food out of a jar - if they act like a baby you treat them like a baby.

Answer 10

Awwww, can't imagine what you're going through. Wish I had some advice, but since I don't I just wish you luck. Be thankful you have healthy children, and it sounds like you're doing a great job. Be strong, and take care of yourself and your husband too!