My 8 year old son says no to everything I ask him to do. I cant find anything that modivates him.?

Question

More to the story. He is ADD and we are setting him back in 3rd grade, because he can keep up. He got caught stealing some candy Friday. He won't eat, and I cant make him eat. I'm always telling him what to do now. My wife thinkd I am a monster because I'm always telling him what to do. I feel like a bad parent.

Answer 1

Hey, I know how you feel. We have an ADD son and an ADHD son. The ADHD one is so hard to deal with. What works (usually) for us is:

1. Make sure he's looking at us before we give instructions. It just goes in one ear & out the other if he's not paying attention.

2. Give him only 1 direction at a time. So instead of saying, "go put on your PJ's, brush your teeth and get ready for bed." We do it one at a time. "Go put on your PJ's, then come straight back to me." "Go brush your teeth, then come straight back to me." etc.

3. If he refuses or balks, we don't engage him in an arguement. We send him to his bed (we used to have to take him gently to his bed) to calm down before we can tell him his consequence. If he gets really worked up, we just ignore him (while he's in his bedroom raging) until he calms down.

4. For a consequence, we take away a favorite priviledge for the day. For him it's his trains, bike, computer game time or TV time. We've found with him, that physical punishement often provokes him.

5. He needs lots of physical touching. He loves back rubs at bed time and wrestling with Dad (but not just before bed). I spend time snuggling with him everyday.

6. We have a posted schedule. It list all the things each of us are to do everyday. From morning stuff, like getting up and making your bed, to bedtime routine, like help clean up after dinner, bath and PJs. That has been the BIGGEST help for him. Knowing what to expect when.

7. Each boy has 2 chores a day. A morning chore and an afternoon chore. This helps them to feels that they matter in the family. If they don't do their chore, no privledges. None.

8. Make sure you and your wife have a game plan. You must present a unified front. Whether you take the hard line or go easy, you both need to agree to it.

9. Be sure to talk to his doctor. Maybe his meds (if he's taking any) aren't doing the job. We discovered that Straterra was no longer working with our ADHD son and have been going through some trials with other meds.

10. Be sure to get away sometime. A support group may be helpful for you, maybe not. But you and your wife should spend some time alone without the kids. You both need to be your best in order to give your best. I can be completely exhausting to deal with an ADD child. You and I both know.

11. Try to make sure he gets LOTS of excersize and plenty of healthy foods. You don't have to be a Nazi about it, but do try to limit junk foods. We call them treat foods. Whatever works for you.

12. Remember that he'll have good days and bad days. We all do, it's just not as drastic a difference normally. He'll intensify most things, so be generous with the affection and stingy with reprimands. Praise him for brushing his teeth the first time you asked. Tell him you appreciate the way he always says hello to the neighbors. Give him a high 5 for getting his homework done. I know it sounds overkill, but many ADD/ADHD kids thrive on praise. He'll start doing what ever you praised him for even better. Then there's more to praise him for and viola! You have a cycle!

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

If your son is on medication for the ADD, moodiness is one of the side effects. I stopped asking my son to do things. Instead of telling him to throw his laundry down every morning, I told him he will look very silly standing at the bus stop naked when he has no clean clothes. Instead of telling him to pick up his toys, I tell him that I hope the house doesn't set on fire tonight because you'll trip over all those toys trying to get out. I also say no to him. Mom, can I watch TV? NO. It works both ways. You also have to pick your battles. How important is the issue? Also, loss of appetite is a side affect of most ADD/ADHD meds. I always make sure to make a big breakfast before pills. I also don't fight the food thing anymore because I do want him to eat something, so if we are having something he hates, he is only required to eat a small spoonful. If he chooses not to, he is done eating for the day. I will keep his dinner plate out until he goes to bed in case he changes his mind. Good luck, and remember, your son has ADD and is not trying to irritate you on purpose (this is kind of the motto at our house)!

Answer 3

Look at his diet. Additives, colours and preservatives as well as naturally occuring chemicals in some fruit and veg can all cause ADD/ADHD like behaviour. Is he on medication? If so try to get him off it and try the food thing. Here is a good website to get you started www.fedup.com.au
Also for the listening to you. take away the things he enjoys for a while and let him earn them back. eg. sport, birthday party invites, TV, play station etc. There is also a great book called 1-2-3 magic.

Answer 4

How about a good swift kick in the butt. This is not about motivation this is about control which he obviously has. If you ask or tell him to do something then he should do it with no lip whether he likes it or not.

Answer 5

Don't ask him. Tell him. An 8 year old does as he's told.

Answer 6

What worked for me with my children was to quit doing the things I did for them until they straightened out. A few days with no electricity in their rooms and no food, and no clean clothes they were good to go.

Answer 7

A belt is what I use, and it works! I can motivate him to do anything.

Answer 8

the next time, give him a swat to his bottom and tell him that there would be more

Answer 9

DEAR
ONE WORD
SPANKING HIS LITTLE BOTTOM RED ALL PROBLEMS SOLVED OK TAKE CARE PS SET YOUR CLOCKS UP ONE HOUR OK TO NIGHT